more ↠ lrh

twenty-two

I woke up the next morning snuggled into something hard and warm. I pulled back and sighed deeply, pulling the sleeves of the hoodie over my cold hands.

Ashton was still asleep, his mouth open as snores fell from it. I tried to move from my spot but just ended up falling off the couch and landing on the floor with a thud.

I groaned before pulling myself to my feet, my bones popping a the movement. I glanced at the clock, seeing I had to be in class in a couple hours. 

I decided to take a shower and let Ash sleep, changing into an outfit for the day.

After finishing the very light makeup, I went back into the living room, shaking Ashton's shoulder gently.

He groaned and turned over, snuggling into the pillow. "Ashton, wake up."

"What time is it?" He grumbled.

"Time for you to get up," I said to him. "Come on, I want to go grab coffee before class."

He got up and stretched, another round of groans falling from his mouth before he pulled on his shoes and followed me downstairs.

Once we were on the street, he smiled at me, taking my hand. We both walked down the street and into the cafe, his hand still in mine.

The barista smiled at me, already starting to make my regular as Ashton looked over the menu. I chuckled at him, my hand going to fix his messy hair.

Ashton had become my best friend, besides Crystal of course. Ashton was the guy you called when you needed someone to cheer you up, he always made a sad situation happy. I was so desperate to be happy that I couldn't help but keep him around.

"Ashton?" He spun around, nearly bumping into me as he looked to whoever called his name.

I turned around too, seeing Luke standing there, his eyes looking between us.

"Luke," Ashton smiled. "Hey, mate."

"What are you doing here?" he asked. "With her."

Ashton glanced at me before looking back to Luke. "Aria and I are friends."

"Aria?" Luke scoffed. "What, are you two a thing or something?"

"First of all, that's an asshole move," I rolled my eyes at him. "I've been hanging out with everyone lately."

"Not me."

"Yeah, well, that wasn't my choice, was it?" I scoffed, grabbing Ashton's hand and starting to pull him out the cafe.

"Bell, wait," Luke said, grabbing my hand to stop me. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine, Luke, I've got to go-"

"Do you think we could hang out or something, sometime?" He asked me awkwardly.

"I thought we needed time apart, what happened to that?"

"I miss you," he confessed. "Every day, I gave you all this time but I miss you."

"Well, I don't miss you." I lied, turning away.

***

"I don't think I've ever seen Luke practically beg someone-"

"Ashton, stop it." I said for the hundredth time, moving down to my car to drive to school.

"Come on, Aria, Luke wants to try again."

"I don't!" I yelled at him. "Why should I go back to him?"

"Because you love him, don't you?"

I sighed, leaning against my car. "Ashton, please, I really don't want to talk about this right now."

"Fine," he sighed, pulling me into a hug. "Just think about it, I love Luke and Luke loves you."

"You don't love me?" I pouted as he moved a piece of hair from my face.

I smiled as he rolled his eyes, kissing my forehead before pulling away. "Of course I do, now get to class."

I groaned as he dropped my hand, a grin still on his lips. "I'm going to fail anyways."

"Shut up!" he yelled as he walked to his car. "Think about what I said!"

Once I got to school, it was hard to even think about taking the test. Luke's words were the only thing that took over the thoughts in my head. I was so angry at him for taking over my spot, for coming back to me and practically begging me to come back to him.

Fuck. And the worst part was that I probably was going back to him.

I turned into the test I'd bombed, anger coursing through my veins as I pulled up in front of Luke's apartment.

I knocked on the door, balling my fists up at my side. The door opened and Luke stood there on the other side.

"Fuck you." I gritted my teeth at him.

"What?"

"Fuck you, Luke," I said, my finger poking into his chest. "I can't unlove you and I hate you for it."

"Bell-"

"I can't unlove you," I spat, tears falling down my cheeks. "I can't forget the way your voice sounded in the middle of the night. I can't forget the way your lips felt pressed against mine. I can't forget the way you looked when you were asleep next to me. I can't forget the way you made everything okay. I can't unlove you and it is killing me. I can forget everything else but I can't forget how much I love you."

He sighed, his shoulders slumping as he met my eyes. "Arabella, I'm sorry."

"No, you're not," I shook my head. "You love that I'm here, coming back to you like this. Because now you're not the one begging, I am."

"I hate you for leaving me like you did, I hate that you let me go," I sobbed, sucking in a breath. "All I know is you, Luke, all I want is you and-and you don't want the same-"

"Arabella, calm down, please-"

"Every day I wake up and I wish you were next to me which blows my fucking mind because I only ever spent maybe two weeks with you but it's like second nature to me," I continued to babble on, swiping the tears from my cheeks. "I wake up, Luke, throughout the day, Luke, whenever I drink a damn coffee, Luke, I can't stop thinking about you!"

He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me into him, my head resting against his chest as I sobbed lightly. 

"I've been sending letters for the past couple months," he mumbled into my ear. "I knew you hated me. I knew it."

"I don't hate you," I pulled back to look at me. "I just-I just don't understand the way you make me feel."

He dipped down quickly and pressed his lips against mine, my body instantly reacting to him as my arms went around his neck, pulling him closer.

"I can't unlove you either." He whispered against my lips.

"Then don't."