more ↠ lrh

thirty-four

[contains sexual content] 

~also, listen to love you goodbye by 1d while reading this because it completely inspired this chapter and im depressed 

I knocked on Michael's door, watching Crystal try and hide her smile when she saw who was on the other side.

"Thank bob!" Michael screeched when he saw me come in. "He's a fucking mess, Bella, he won't quit crying, shut him up, please."

"Arabella?"

"I'm sorry," I blurted, biting my lip to stop the tears from falling, looking at the broken boy in front of me. "I'm sorry that I can't remember what we were like before the accident. That I don't remember how I loved you or how you loved me. I'm sorry that I can't be the girl you want me to be, Luke. You told me that I was right when I said that love isn't supposed to hurt this much."

"Bell, let me-"

"I talked to Calum tonight, I had no idea that him and I were even friends before. He told that I was different than who I used to be. It's because I'm broken," I said, swiping a tear from my face. "You broke me, Luke."

"Yeah, well you broke me too."

"I know," I said to him. "And I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I can't love you the way you love me."

"You keep saying that but I think you've got it backwards," he said, taking my hands in his. "I don't think I'll be able to love you the way you love me. Wholeheartedly, unmistakingly, with no regrets and just-just love."

"Luke-"

He cut me off with a chuckle, his thumbs running over my knuckles. "The thing is that when you love someone, when you live with them, they become apart of your schedule, your life forms around them. Four years of my life was built around you, every part of my day included you, and one day, you were just gone. I still don't know how to keep going without you."

"You told me you should learn how to be whole again but I don't believe that," I shook my head. "You aren't whole until you meet the person that makes you whole. Luke, you make me whole."

He wrapped his arms around me, hugging me tightly to his chest, tears falling down both of our cheeks. "I guess this is goodbye."

"No, not until tomorrow at least." I said to him.

"I don't know how to exist without you."

He leaned down and pressed his lips against mine in a long and gentle kiss. He pecked my lips a few more times before hugging me again, his arms around my waist. "I love you."

My arms went around his neck and into his hair. "I love you too, Luke. But I think it's time for us to find out what it's like without each other."

"No more letters?"

I shook my head. "No more letters."

"Okay, this just got really fucking depressing."

I turned around and looked at Michael, who had an arm wrapped around Crystal, who was crying.

"You two are breaking up?"

I looked up at Luke, sending him a sad smile, intertwining our fingers. "For now, yeah."

"So I'm gonna go back to Australia and buy a guitar, might start writing some music," he said, leaving Michael's apartment with me. "I really don't want to leave again."

"Maybe it's for the best."

When we got back to my apartment, I changed into clothes to sleep in while Luke finishing packing his clothes for his early morning flight. 

He got in bed beside me, wrapping his arms around me. I turned around to face him, my hands moving to his face. 

Even in the dark, I could see his bright blue eyes looking into mine. He smiled softly, pulling me closer to him.

He leaned down and pressed his lips against mine gently, moving his hand up my shirt. We laid there for what felt like ages, his lips moving against mine as I committed the feeling to memory.

He moved so that he was hovering over me, parting my legs to situate himself between them. His kissed down my neck gently, not leaving any marks. I moved my fingers into his hair, not tugging this time.

He moved a hand between us and into my shorts, pressing his fingers into my heat. He pressed his finger into my clit, moving gently and slowly. 

I threw my head back against the pillows, a soft moan falling from my lips. Suddenly, he pulled his fingers from my shorts, causing me to open my eyes and look up at him in question.

"Sorry, baby, I just want to taste you one last time."

He moved so he was sitting back on his knees and hooked his fingers into the waistband of my shorts, pulling both them and my panties from my legs, tossing them across the room. He scooted down my body, leaving kisses down my exposed torso before hovering over my core.

He leaned down and kissed my clit softly before moving a finger inside me, pumping gently. He opened his mouth, his tongue swirling around my sensitive nub before adding another finger.

I was a moaning mess by this point, my fingers tugging harshly at his hair. He moaned against me, the vibrations making me moan even louder.

"Luke, I need you." I groaned, pulling him up so that he was hovering over me again.

He didn't say anything but move back on his knees, ridding himself of his shirt before kicking off his pants and boxers. He positioned himself at my entrance before moving his body on top of mine, his blue eyes meeting mine.

He snapped his hips against mine, both of us groaning at the contact, Luke kissing my lips softly. 

His thrusts were slow and deep, mumbling I love you every now and again. He was showing me all the love we were about to give up. Loving me one last time. Loving me goodbye.

He pressed soft kisses to my neck, his thrusts starting to speed up, his hips snapping against mine. We both were moaning loudly, the sounds muffled by each other's lips.

"I love you." I spoke as I finished, Luke answering with a deep moan as he finished too.

He collapsed on top of me, both of us starting to chuckle. My laughs faded into quiet sobs as I wrapped my arms around around the blonde boy.

Luke ended up crying too, his face buried in my neck. "I love you so much."

"I love you," I repeated, kissing his lips. "I love you so much, Luke."

We pulled the covers over our bodies, wrapping our arms around each other and closing our eyes, remembering the way it felt to hold each other.

I buried my face in his chest, pushing the tears from my cheeks as I moved my fingers over his bare skin. 

"Goodnight, baby."

"Goodnight, Luke."

also:

don't come for with why can't they stay together, it's both of them realizing that at this point in their life, their relationship is toxic for each other. luke's in an entirely different country pursuing a career in music while arabella's is still trying to find a routine that feels like her. 

you can still love someone and not be in love with them. BUT DON'T FREIGHT LARABELLA WILL BE BACK