Pure Desire

19: hated, not loved

I tossed.

I turned.

I moved around in my bed trying to find a comfortable position to relax. It had been an hour since I tried to find sleep. I didn't have any hope as nothing worked. I huffed in irritation and pushed the covers away from my body, my long pale legs exposed to the world.

I stared up at the ceiling, the bitter cold feeling of water running down my cheeks surprising me. I wish I would have never walked out of the door. I wish I would have never trusted Elias in the first place.

Connell was right, he was a murderer. He was a monster, a beast that killed as he pleased, including my mother. He couldn't even face me and look me in the eyes. He couldn't even prove himself.

How could I stay in the same house as him? I couldn't breathe, couldn't think under this roof. I could no longer breathe around Elias and his unjust rules. But where could I go? I had no friends, no family. I'm alone.

I shook violently as sobs escaped my lips. Why did my life have to be so pathetic? Why would Connell ever tell me so much about my life that I never even knew about? I always thought that perhaps I was adopted but I never had any parents or knew any such figures ever since the werewolves ruled the world. I thought that maybe they lost me and I lost them and someday, life wouldn't be so unfair and we could cross paths.

I didn't want to believe my father wanted to kill me as an unborn baby and my mother. I didn't want to believe my mother left me, didn't care to take one look back and take me with her. None of it made sense but who was I supposed to believe? Who could I trust?

I wasn't sane thinking about these possibilities and useless thoughts.

I wiped my tears away from my eyes and stood up, fixing my pink pajama shirt that I was wearing. I walked slowly, wiping my tear-stained cheeks as best as I could to prevent signs of crying. Moving towards the bedroom door, I placed my hand on the door handle and pulled it down.