You Drive Me Close To Insane (A Ray Ray love Story)

Chapter~1

So right now I'm sixteen and I'm just looking through college applications in the kitchen. I want to be an artist maybe, I mean I'm really good at it. Not sure though since it don't seem like the best paying job.

While I was doing that, my six year old sister, Madeline was playing with her dolls. Madeline look just like me. Same really light brown hair, milk chocolate like skin, hazel eyes and soft pudgy cheeks. I took in all the features of my sisters face, then Sammy, my brother, came in jumping around scaring me.

"Yes! I finally got in!" Sammy said running around like an imbecile.

"In what?" I ask wanting to know whats to be happy about.

He gave me a funny look. "I'm not fina kiss and tell. And I'm not fina say it in front of..." Sammy started mouthing 'her' while pointing at Madeline. She was still focused on her dolls.

"Madeline, could you leave for a sec so I can talk to Sam?" I ask with a smile.

"Can I have five dollars then?" She said with a toothy grin.

"Sure." And with that she left, heading to her room.

"Now spill Sam." I ordered him.

Sammy sighed before answering. "Ok, I'm finally in the True gang." Once he said that I had a big lump in my throat. A gang? Really? I new Sam was smarter then this. What gave his ass the idea to join a gang? And for what? How will this benefit him or anyone else? I mean he could get killed.

"Why would you want to be in that stupid gang or any gang?!?" I questioned when my anger increase.

"Duh, to protect this family. Ever since that bitch left, I had to watch out for you and Madeline." He said with a straight face. When he said 'that bitch' he was referring to our dad. He walked out on my mom when things got hard. Mom told Sammy that he's the new man in the house since then.

"I'm just protecting you guys." He continued.

"Buts its dangerous, you can get killed and what about mom?" I asked. He must have lost his mind if he though mom would let him join a gang and start hustling.

"I'll be fine, you don't need to worry ok. And don't tell mom this, aight?"

Before I could say ok mom came through the door exhausted. Ever since my dad left she started working twice as hard. Two jobs, pays all the bills, feed three mouths and still have time to be with us. Whats worse, she had back problems. Me, Sam and Madd felt bad seeing her like this. The struggle was real in this house.

"I know y'all little mischief kids are planning on getting into trouble. But I aint fina deal with it, I'm to tired. Just be careful, Imma go lay down." Mom said. She took some Tylenol, soon out the kitchen to her room.

Sam glance at me before leaving the house. I sighed, where did everything started to go wrong. I left my applications on the table and made my way to my room. Before laying down on my bed, I saw a picture on my desk top. It was Sammy, me, mom and my dad at the beach. Bringing me back to remember those times, then after the reason why my dad left.

           Flashback

"Mom is it gonna hurt." I ask. I was five at the time. The doctor just needed to draw some blood.

"No it wont hurt that much. Just don't think about it that Nila."My mom soothed me with her sweet voice.

I was in the hospital because when I came back home from here earlier, I started coughing up blood again. I ask my mom whats wrong with me, every time I do she starts crying. I though I hurt her feelings so I would tell her sorry and comfort her. I'd spend days in the hospital, getting every day visits from mom, few from Sam and dad and not that much from my relatives.

      Two Weeks Later

I was in Sam's room playing with his Lego's. Doctor said it was fine for me to go home.

"Does that thing on your nose hurt Ni." Sam ask me. Sammy was two years older then me but he still called me Ni. I though it was because he couldn't pronounce my full name.

He was talking about my nasal cannula. I have to walk around with it on, for my breathing.

"No." I answered. We continued playing around with the Lego's till we heard yelling. It was mom and dad arguing.

"What you mean you don't have any money? The fuck you've been doin with your money?!?" Mom yelled.

"Nothing, I just don't have the money now. Why don't you pay it?" Dad questioned.

"Martin, I just paid the light and water bill, you haven't paid for a thing. Whats the big deal with you paying the hospital bill?!?"

"I just ain't have the money Nichol! Shit! I was fine with one child but your ass wanted another...Now we cant even pay for these bills!" Dad raised his voice at mom.

"EXCUSE YOU! I do every thing for these kids, while your bitch ass ain't do shit but drink and use up the money! When Nila got leukemia I kept her alive. What did you do!?! You didn't do shit. How you fina live in this house but you don't pay nun. And now you feel the urge to blame Nila!!!"

"You know what, I'm tired of your bullshit you be-"

"MY BULLSHIT?!? YOU MEAN YOUR BULLSHIT. SAYS THE NIGGA THAT TOOK MONEY OUT OF MY ACCOUNT TO GET DRUNK AGAIN!!!"

"I'm leaving." Dad finishes solemnly and I started hearing foot steps.

"WHAT YOU MEAN YOUR LEAVING?!? Martin?! Martin?!" Mom screeched. I heard a door slam shut, they must be in there room because I could only hear muffling. A lot of times they argued, so much me and Sam just ignored it but this seemed serious.

After what seems like forever, dad came out. Sam went to go peek and see what they're doing, I followed him. Dad had luggage bags in his hands and his stuff. What was going on? Where daddy going?  Dad unlock and open the front door. Before dad could even step foot outside.

"Daddy where you going?" Sam ask when he walked out of his room. His voice was shaky. Tears fell from his eyes when he blinked.

Dad look deep into Sam's eyes. "I'm sorry," is all he could say before he walked out the door.

Sam ran into mom and dads room. I started to feel so guilty thinking it was all my fault. Slowly walking to moms room I saw Sam crying on moms shoulder while she cried. All this was because of me, I felt ashamed.

"I'm sorry." Is all I could say because I was crying uncontrollable. I stood there not moving just crying too.

Mom open her arms out and I ran towards her. She embrace me with a hug.

"Baby girl, you ain't do nothing wrong. Your dad left us, it doesn't mean things are gonna get worse." She kissed both of our foreheads. We sat there together holding each other, feeling sad.

       End Of Flashback

That's the reason why my mom works so hard. The reason why Sam hates dad for abandoning us at our worse. The reason I felt like I'm the one who ruin our family for three years. I stop thinking that way at seven. Though some times I have this little nagging feeling in the back of my head that speak other wise.

I ignored the thought and went to bed.