My mind is my greatest enemy. My mind brings me pain. My mind is a super highway of thoughts I can't keep track of. My mind fears the unknown, it's such a curse to always want to know the truth, to worry of the future, to always wanting to be one step ahead of everyone else. My mind is frustrating, in the millions of thoughts I can think of in one second, there are always a few good ideas that I know can help, either help myself, my family or my friends. But I just cannot execute them... Sometimes my mind is the reason why I want to quit. I just want peace for my mind, I want it all to stop. I want my mind going completely blank.
I hate good memories. They remind me of something I can never have again. And that hurts, remembering how you felt at that specific moment and realizing you can never feel that way again.
I ask questions a lot. I am forever curious. I always ask why a lot. Why do people always end up leaving? What's so wrong with me that they tend to get fed up and just walk away? I miss them. All of them. I never wanted it to hurt like this but was it all really my fault? Why does this always happen to me? Why do I always feel neglected? What did I do to deserve this? Will the next one be the same as the past? Will I even live long enough to get the answers for my questions?
Memories of good times keeps popping back into my head and it's fucking frustrating. I feel this need to understand everything and everybody. When I meet you and talk to you I won't pay attention to what you're saying because in my head I'm already deciphering how you think, what you're thinking and what kind of person you are. I'm a talkative listener, i'll listen to you but i'll probably not understand you completely. I'm talkative but I can listen.
Now I wonder would anyone care?
YOU ARE READING
The things I think of when I'm alone
PoetryUnbearable pain that is expressed and acknowledged becomes bearable. But people who have suffered from BPD received no such responses in their childhood. Therefore, they are stuck in the past, trying to elicit what they needed as a child-validation...
