My parents are divorced, and I have a shitty and dysfunctional family.
I want to die. See now, that's the strange thing. My life sounds so shitty. I'm not happy. I like dark things, morbid things, messed up things. I like to spend most of my days in my room, when I can. My mom thinks I'm too antisocial for my own good so now she makes me stay downstairs. I go to a good college. So that must mean I'm smart, right? No, I'm not. I'm an idiot I can't ever focus in class.
My self esteem level is a -1578374928. I'm fat, ugly, stupid, weird, emo, odd, a "waste of space" as my friend likes to put it, an introvert, and I'm just flat out disgusting. I hate myself. I didn't used to be like this. When I was little I liked going outside and my favorite color was pink and I loved flowers and butterflies. Not anymore. My mom hates what I wear, she says I look like a boy. My sister (who is 24 yrs old) calls me fat about 4 times a week. She's not wrong. I don't know why she acts like a child. We are only five years apart and I feel like she's not making an effort to get along with me.
I've thought about suicide more than I can count. I've planned it, hell, I've even written a will. three people in my life know that I cut, I'm suicidal as hell. This has been going on for a while. Now I just feel empty. I welcome death. It seems, nice. I wonder if anyone would miss me. I would miss my cat, and my family, but I don't know if they'd feel the same.
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A/N:
Sorry this is really long... in college I have to write like 5 page essays so I tend to overwrite.
- Hazelle
YOU ARE READING
The things I think of when I'm alone
PoetryUnbearable pain that is expressed and acknowledged becomes bearable. But people who have suffered from BPD received no such responses in their childhood. Therefore, they are stuck in the past, trying to elicit what they needed as a child-validation...
