I understand that I am completely alone in this camp of people, and the entire world is against me...but, in regard to "love" and relationships, it just isn't any benefit to me when someone tells me I am attractive or indicates a desire to have intimate physical relations with me.
I'm a virgin and I'm not interested in sex at all. I think I am just extremely depressed. I yearn more for emotional fulfillment and I get it into my head that the person I'm talking to wants nothing more than to fuck. I have no desire to merely fuck. And I receive no pleasure of benefit from being told I am attractive.
If I was to hold up a large bag of money beside me, I'm sure I wouldn't be lacking potential friends. When someone tells me I have a nice body it just sounds like they are telling me I am in possession of something nice that they admire. It doesn't actually have anything to DO with me as a person....just something that I have.
At the same time...I find I can't be in a relationship with someone I am unattracted to, so I feel like a hypocrite. Maybe I'm just too dismally miserable within myself to crave an appropriate relationship.
I am confused.
YOU ARE READING
The things I think of when I'm alone
PoetryUnbearable pain that is expressed and acknowledged becomes bearable. But people who have suffered from BPD received no such responses in their childhood. Therefore, they are stuck in the past, trying to elicit what they needed as a child-validation...
