I hate myself. I hate myself so much. I've reached the point where I just can't go on. I've tried so hard to be a good person and to do everything correctly, but everything always goes wrong. Everybody seems to hate me, and even though I don't understand why, I can't help but hate myself now. I find it extremely difficult to trust anybody, because almost every time I do, they do something to destroy a part of me. I am just drained of all strength to go on living like this. The very few people I do trust anymore, and the very few people around whom I can just be myself anymore, they are all far away and so hard to reach. I feel so alone, and yet I feel like I have to fight an internal fight that no one understands, complemented by a need to live my life in bare survival mode.
I can't go on like this much longer. I know that if I can't escape into a place where I can live some other life, I will reach my breaking point. I don't know what will happen if I do hit that breaking point. I am scared.
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The things I think of when I'm alone
PoetryUnbearable pain that is expressed and acknowledged becomes bearable. But people who have suffered from BPD received no such responses in their childhood. Therefore, they are stuck in the past, trying to elicit what they needed as a child-validation...
