The things I think of when I'm alone

When will I be happy again?

Well I sit and sit every day and live the same boring life every day, the only thing that changes is how I feel from day to day, each day seeming like I'm weaker.

I will not pour out my childhood story and I will not talk about what's happened recently, I will leave it as boldly as that I did not have a childhood, I did not know what it was like to have friends, I did not know what it was like to have a social life, I did not know what it was like to feel loved, forgot how it felt like to have a family.

I am not a person who can look at a paycheck and see "Wow I made $750 nice!!" I look at it with shame as I could give a fuck about money. It's just something I have to have to live I guess. I can't look at things like everyone else does. There's many other people in this world to replace them, even with my own family, it's happened so many times in my family alone I gave up caring. I don't have material value, I don't care about having money, I don't care about having 6 cars, 2 houses, or whatever else makes people happy.

I see kids out skating with each other, going to the movies together, I see people taking trips, talking about friendship, people on Instagram having their group social events, enjoying life. What the fuck, what's it feel like?

It may sound corny but my entire life has been shit, nobody should have had to gone through what I have been through.

I'm writing this telling myself to get my shit together because as I type this I have tears dropping out of my eyes.

Well I just had to get this out, I'm not in good shape, my eyes are bloodshot from crying. I'm losing more and more weight from the stress, hell I'm not even eating anymore because what's the point?

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A/N:

If you're reading this and have issues with your life too, I hope all goes better for you then it is for me.

- Hazelle