No one knows how much I'm suffering. And the ones who do tell me I'm too much. So what do I do?
I've been going about every day all by myself. And I am alone. All my thoughts get to me. Some days I stand outside and notice how beautiful it is and feel the warm sun and close my eyes and I somehow feel content in that moment, being by myself.
Whenever I'm going to hangout with someone, they end up making excuses to why they can't hangout. I wish people would straight up tell me they don't want to see me. I feel lonely. And I feel like I don't have a voice anymore.
I feel like nothing. Even on this app. I feel like what I have to say doesn't matter. No one really cares. And that is fine because other people have lives they care about.
I wish people could understand the thoughts I have. I wish I didn't have to think them. If I was surrounded all the time I would never have to think. But when I'm alone it all flows back to me.
I have never been this alone in my life. And I feel like this would be the perfect time to finally let go. No one would notice if I was gone for a little while. I could finally go in peace.
I wish one person would just ask me, "how is your day?" But I don't get one person to talk to me. Even in class. Everyone carries on. I'm invisible. Even my words are invisible. They mean nothing.
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The things I think of when I'm alone
PoetryUnbearable pain that is expressed and acknowledged becomes bearable. But people who have suffered from BPD received no such responses in their childhood. Therefore, they are stuck in the past, trying to elicit what they needed as a child-validation...
