The Incomplete Ramblings of an Insomniac

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If I could write everything going on in my head, maybe I wouldn't have a headache. Maybe I would get out of the mood I have been in for a while. I am with a man who is absolutely perfect and he is just out of reach. He is also the only thing that brings me true happiness in my life. Everything else is just gray and monotonous anymore. It is the same thing everyday. Nothing changes, nothing gets better. Life is the same from when I open my eyes to when I close them. I wish there was a spark of wanting to be anywhere around here, to continue living this life, but it was stolen three months ago. Now to be clear, I am NOT suicidal, and this is not a cry for help. I'm just over where I am and the life I am living now. It doesn't fit me anymore. I've grown immensely since I broke up with my fiancé and this life isn't me anymore. It's like I don't belong. I want to run away and start over, start fresh. I'm still trying to figure everything out. It doesn't help when people keep telling me I have changed or I'm different or they miss the old me. The old me is dead and buried. I will never go back to her. I know life has a way of working out when you need it most, that's how I got my amazing vehicle. There is just nothing here for me anymore, and I am tired of pretending that I am still the happy go lucky person I was. My love is a big part in my change but it was the best thing for me. He woke me up from my naive delusion of the world. I have been shown who truly cares. I have lost friends, I have gained friends. I have even went as far as to drop his first and last name to people up here and shown his picture but absolutely none of them have even tried to look him up or try to talk to him or get to know him. I am so over everyone up here because they just want to talk shit about someone they don't know and have never met. I know these people love me but I don't want to hear it anymore. I don't want to hear it because it is not their life and it doesn't affect them so they feel the need to smart off at the mouth. I have told people here that the more you bash on him, it's not changing my opinion of him, it is pushing me farther away from them. I would at least get to know someone before I made any judgements about them, which is probably why I just don't fit here anymore. People thinking I am just like the old me where they can say something and I will blindly follow. I am not that person anymore.