The Incomplete Ramblings of an Insomniac

Mania?

So, I have been in a wonderful mood lately. I have had clearer skin and a calmer mind. I have had breakthroughs in my writing to the point I have people reviewing it. Work has been going well, as is balancing my home life. I have felt rather indifferent to any stresses that come my way. I recently have changed my major from an accounting major to more of a business major and I think that this has lifted a lot of stress from me that I was not aware I was carrying. I have also been writing more, which may be considered a form of meditation for me. Maybe my meds are finally working the way they are supposed to, and I am becoming more balanced. I am not sure what it is, but I am thankful for the break from the ever-present darkness that usually surrounds me. I am starting to feel the warmth of the sun again. I have become very strict in a morning and nighttime routine and that is always a positive for me, as when I am in the dark place there is no routine I can honestly stick with. A lot of issues I had been dealing with have magically become so miniscule that they are no longer clouds hovering over my head. It feels like I can finally take a deep breath again and not be afraid of my life falling apart. Usually, I would be worried about feeling this well, as when I do, there is always something bad waiting right around the corner. And I think in some way I know that it is coming... My life has never been the easy road. I just want to stay in this pleasant limbo for a while. I'm tired from constantly fighting, constantly thinking, constantly worrying. I just want to relax and enjoy the sunshine while it lasts. I have spent my entire life in fear of what is coming next. For once I want to be excited for what is coming. So, I am making a declaration. I will still prepare myself in case the bad does come, but I choose to look forward and be hopeful for the future and what is to come. I have let fear and anxiety take so much from me. I am done being its bitch. I refuse to let fear run my life anymore. I want to live my life, not be afraid of it. What is a life if it is only lived in fear? It is not a life worth living.