The Incomplete Ramblings of an Insomniac

Word Vomit

It feels like words are flying through my mind at lightning speed, yet I can't form the thoughts to tell you how I feel. Emotional autopilot seems to sum it up the best. For the people who actually know who I am, I may seem like a happy bubbly person who always has a smile. But you see, I have become a master of putting on a show. To see the real me, you have to catch me in those milliseconds where my disguise falters, the times I think no one is looking. I have become close to some people and care about them even if I only see them briefly and on certain days. It is sad to say I know that it is a friendship of convenience, and most of you wouldn't know me if you were standing right in front of me. I've been out of therapy for a while and a thought has been eating at me. Maybe I should tell you guys my life story. The most memorable highlights of my mediocre life, and maybe someone could actually understand me and how I became this bundle of fuckery. This will more than likely be a new story on my page but not to worry, I won't leave you without the incomplete ramblings from my insomnia riddled brain of mine. I vow for complete honesty on this new story because what fun would it be if I lied? It certainly wouldn't be my own story. I will try to go in order, but sometimes a memory will haunt me too strongly so I may have to get it out before it's actually due. I feel like I am in a place mentally where I can start picking at the old scabs and actually allow some of these old wounds to heal. My only request is if somehow one of you actually figure out who I am, to keep it a secret as this could be very beneficial to my mental health and if I can't express my true self to random strangers, I may close myself off permanently. I am excited and terrified for this new journey, but I believe it is time to let some of these hamsters off their wheels in my brain and to finally put them to rest. Who knows? Maybe I will be able to unblock some repressed memories and heal myself through telling my story. So for now, welcome to my life.