The Incomplete Ramblings of an Insomniac

The Waiting Game.

Progress. Not much in the big scheme of things but enough for now. We found a place. Now we have to find the land and things will really be rolling. I am so past ready to be out of here. When I lay it all out like that though, it shows me there is still such a long way to go. My gender should not affect what shift I get when I first started on a third shift preference. But now for some reason it is not safe for me to be here alone, even though I'm one of very few people who work here who can hold my own. I'm basically just a fucking patsy to everyone here thinking I can be used as a pawn. I find it hilarious that no one here knows the real me. Everyone still thinks I am who I used to be. When everything happened with Bruce, something deep and fundamental broke inside me. It changed me permanently. I am not who I was, nor do I ever want to be. Daniel is the only one who knows the real me. He is the only one I want to be with. I am tired of everyone here and the fake ness you see falling off of everyone in thick layers, molting like a snake only to show more fake underneath. In the end, a snake is still a snake. Everyone puts on a face. No one here is who they truly say they are. Yet they believe everyone else believes. I don't. They all believe they are colorful, layered, complex creatures. They are mistaken. These liars are as clear as crystal. I see right through them. Funny thing is they believe I am still duped into believing their fairytale land lies. What a fun time when they will finally realize they were the ones who were played all along, letting their guard down and letting their true self out, never realizing I knew more than I ever spoke, saw more than I let on, played them worse than they ever thought possible. You play me, I will play harder, you try to compete, you will lose. Not only the battle, but the respect I had, the employee you had, and the faith you still seem to have in humanity. There is a black vine wrapped around my rainbow now. Thorny and vicious, it curls up to the colors, shading the vividness that used to run wild. Quiet and ever watching, listening, seeing your web of lies slowly strangle you. Watching you falter as I step over your mountain of lies and continue on. I will succeed and you will turn into a shadow.