The Incomplete Ramblings of an Insomniac

Update

So it has been two months since I wrote in here last. Nothing has majorly changed. Still working my ass off, still busting my brain in school, been trying to write in any spare time I can find, trying to navigate this life with my "special" brain. Things are going well with Daniel and me. Even his daughters are starting to come around, especially the older one. I knew it would take time, but as long as they know that all I want is for them to be happy, then I have done my job. 

I have been getting severely into stones and crystals lately. I am also trying to mentally and emotionally heal myself and I have to say that I have been pretty happy lately. I am nowhere near being fully healed and I don't believe I will ever be, but as long as I can do something to help myself, I will. I really want a collection of stones though. I feel so drawn to them. I have a rose quartz necklace to promote love and compassion for others as well as myself. Since I have been wearing it, I have noticed a huge decrease in sugar cravings which is odd but my weight is a big self confidence issue for me so it makes sense. 

Speaking of sugar, my eating habits have cleared up as well. I am taking in a lot less processed sugar, only really drinking soda at work unless it is sprite which is only because my meds make me nauseous, my palette has changed me and started to prefer healthier options for meals and snacks. For example today I had half a chicken and bacon panini, a large iced coffee, a big salad with raspberry vinaigrette, and have been munching on some veggie straws and drinking water. I believe I am in a metamorphosis period of my life again as so many preferences of mine have been changing. Last time this happened, I got really into coffee when I had hated it previously. 

School is going well as well. Since I am not playing flip shift at work and staying on more of a set schedule my grades have improved drastically, as has my energy levels, sleep quality, and mood. I found out today I have about 18 months left before I get my Bachelor's degree and about 20 months to pull a second associates degree as well. If things go well the next two years I will be a double degree graduate from college. I honestly never thought I could get this far. I owe it to how badly my life sucked in 2018. 

2018 was a defining year in my life, and I hope I never have to relive it again. I started that year needing a change and feeling one on the horizon. Little did I know I was going to be shattered down to my fundamental core by the end of the year. I look back on who I use to be, and I honestly do not recognize myself. I finally found my fire and I clung to it to rebuild myself into who I am now. I became a true Phoenix, rising out of the ashes of my old life. I came back stronger, determined, able to speak my mind without worry that I would hurt someone's feelings. I stand up for myself. I allow myself to be me no matter what people think of me. I allow myself to be free. I make my mental health a priority. I splurge on myself. I love who I am and who I am turning out to be. I do think the outside could use some work but I look at myself like a Christmas present. Who actually prefers the wrapping? 

I am finally living my true life. My physical health is getting better. My knowledge is growing. My mental and emotional health are finally getting the care I have neglected them for so many years. I finally feel like I am truly happy in life. I honestly never thought I could be able to say that. Just goes to show, the Phoenix will always rise. Now I shall retire to my bedchamber with all my fluffy stuff and relax the rest of my day off away.

Talk Soon.