Gone

Chapter 37 - Honesty

FLASHBACK:

I turned on the lights,undressed myself slowly and got in the bathtub, then I turned on the water. The water stung my sensitive ribs and the cuts on my face.

It was the only thing I could feel in the state of numbness I was in. I watched as the dirt and blood went down the drain.

Tears finally began to fall and I grabbed a scissors. I stared at it for a moment, thinking and gaining courage for what I was about to do. I tried not to whimper while I was crying but one made it's way out of my lips.

- Is everything okay? - Damien asked.

I didn't answered and started dragging the sharp scissors on my wrist.

Damien a couple seconds later stormed in the bathroom and saw me sat down on the tub, crying and with my wrist bloody.

- Jade?! Jade! - he breathed out before getting some towels.

CURRENTLY:

I stopped to look at him. Realisation was starting to hit me.

He took of his shirt and jumped in the bathtub, sitting behing me. Damien reached slowly the scissors, grabbed them and put them somewhere in the bathroom.

-Why did you do this? - he managed to say, but it came out a whisper and I broke down crying. He wrapped the towels around my wrists and held me close.

I cried uncontrolably and he kissed the top of my head over and over. 

- Why didn't you let me kill myself? Why? - I sobbed.

-Love, tell me.. why do you want to die? - he asked calmly and I turned back and looked at him gathering the courage to tell him.

Although we were all wet, I could see tears forming in his big blue eyes. I couldn't tell him, I lost the courage when I looked into his eyes.

I turned again and stared at water pouring over the glass wall. After a few minutes quiet he finally talked.

- Fine. - he huffed - I am not gonna force you to say, but I also am not gonna watch you destroy and kill yourself! - he continued to say, getting himself and picking me up - I will give you a bath and then you're going to sleep.

I got numb again, all I heard from what he had said were just little nonsense echoes. He washed my hair and the rest of my body carefully to don't hurt me in my wounds and ribs, I felt like a lifeless doll. It felt like a dream, or a nightmare.

He grabbed a bigger towel and wrapped it around my body. He cleaned away some of my quiet tears while dressing me. His touch was gentle even though I knew he was upset.
His actions could have a sexual conotation in other scenarios, but it had none in this.

He sat me down on the bed, went to get roll bandages and put them slowly in my wrists. The he turned me around and brushed slowly my now dark golden hair.

- Are you mad at me? - I whispered while crying.

- Of course not baby...  - he started to say, making me turn to him - but why did you try to kill yourself? Please be honest with me Jade. I was so afraid to lose you. - his eyes getting glassy - Please tell me why.

- Because I killed ... I'm so sorry. - I tried to say but my voice cracked in the middle of the sentence.
I couldn't bear the look on his eyes,  as if he was about to cry.

- It's okay. - Damien said hugging me, but I pushed him away, making him look confused at me.

- It's not okay. And you know why? I fucking enjoyed it, but it shut down inside. What kind of person does that make me?! -I had finally snapped and Damien just looked at me with no facial expression what so ever, he didn't even know what to think of me. - And now you hate me. Fucking great! I am officially an horrible person...I-I...- I muttered and watched him carefully and he shook his head.

- You aren't a horrible person. You shouldn't have gone through this. Now go to sleep. I'll be in that chair. - he said pointing to a white chair in the corner of the room where the moonlight shined.

Damien laid me down on the bed and snuggled me. 

- Oh... I don't hate you. Good night beautiful. - he muttered while kissing my forehead and staring into my eyes.
-Please stay a minute longer near me. - he nodded and sat down in the bed slowly caressing my face.

DAMIEN'S POV:

I sat down on the chair looking at her illuminated by the moonlight. After a few minutes she fell asleep, the only thing I hoped was she was dreaming of somewhere beautiful and far away from all this drama.

She looked so beautiful lying there sleeping, the look of peace in her face. I still couldn't fully understand why she would try to kill herself and she didn't deserve going through all this.

The moonlight made her hair shine, golden like gold and with some darker blonde shades,half of her plump lips and face were in the shadow, just like her soul. 

My mind kept reminding over and over again of when I carried her out of the house, earlier.She was so damage and vulnerable. It didn't looked like the Jade I was used to see.

RAPHAEL'S POV:

We were driving around town trying to figure out what pharmacies were open. Apparently they were all closed.

- All of them are closed, this should be a crime. - Dianna stated mad. I tried not to chuckle.

- Let me see.. you have an informatic genius by your side. - I said smiling.

She chuckle and smiled back.

- Then do something.

We stopped by a pharmacie and I turned off all the security cameras and opened the door with my phone. We got out of the car and quickly entered the pharmacie.

- Take some morphine and other pain killers. - I said.

- Right, while you are in the condom section?! - she told, pointing at the box of condoms I had in my hand.

- What? A man gotta be prepared for any "surprise" that may or may not happen! And while we are here at least let me take some advantage in that. It's free. - I said chuckling and raising my hands laughing.

- You are such a moron.. - she said chuckling while looking for the morphine in a glass cabinet.

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Hi! I hope you are enjoying the story, so far. I apologize for any grammar issue. I am fully aware that this previous couple chapters were uh, heavy and possibly triggering. My heart goes out for everyone who is going or has gone through this (any type of self-harm or disorder). I know you can make through this.  I have faith in you!

Check out The Triple Hybrid from my friend!

Don't forget to comment, vote and follow if you are enjoying. Ask me whatever you like. I'll always answer.

Please, please don't hurt yourselves at least for tonight. You are all beautiful!

Love you all!