omega (✔️)

[58]

[58]

[Yoongi]

It was quiet, he even somehow stopped hiccuping. His words had hit me hard.

Am I.. Am I doing that to him..?

"I'm sorry, Hoseok, I just.."

I couldn't explain myself or my words, so the bathroom was just quiet. He sniffed a few times and we just sat in the bathtub, comforting each other with silence. He lifted his head slowly from his knees and a bright smile was on his face, despite the steady stream of tears flowing down his cheeks, "Don't worry, babe, I'm okay, everything's gonna be okay."

His smile.. scared me. It made me think. How many times has he shown this 1000 watt smile but behind it was a person who was slowly breaking down on the inside? My breath was stuck in my chest and I shook my head slightly, not wanting accept his pain.

But I had no choice.

He's breaking, and if he's breaking.. I'm breaking too.

"Why are you smiling, Hoseok?" I asked with a small voice, the words almost getting clogged in my swollen throat.

The smile didn't falter but neither did the tears, "Huh?"

"Why are you smiling?" I repeated, this sad moment feeling like it's eternities.

His eyebrows furrowed as if he didn't know that he was smiling and his fingers touched his lips that curves upwards, "Oh, it's a habit."

With each tear that slipped off of his wobbly chin, my heart broke even more, "My mom's always told me that if you pretend to be happy for long enough, one day you will be."

His words stabbed me. While I was off being a jerk to the world because I was bored, my little Hobi was suffering like this. Tears formed in my eyes and I tried so hard to hold them back, but it was impossible, "Hobi, I'm so sorry.."

A grin shined on his face, but the wet droplets spilling from the corners of his eyes contradicted it, "Why is it so hard for me to be happy, Yoonie?"

I cupped a hand over my mouth, whimpers almost escaping me.

"That's all I've ever wanted in life, to be happy." He sniffled pitifully, "Please tell me why I can't be.."

I couldn't respond, I didn't know how. It was silent for a few seconds before three words left my lips that were muffled by my hand, "I love you."

"You're wrong." He started matter-of-factly.
  
I shook my head and closed my eyes tightly, his pain seeping into my skin, "No, I love you."

"No, you don't, no one loves me." He looked down, his small smile slowly faltering and his actual emotions showing through.

My hand left my lips and they both resided on his cheeks, forcing him to look at me. His red eyes and tears stained cheeks pained me. Killed me even.

"Jung Hoseok, the love of my life, the only one for me, my love, my everything." My eyes flickered from his left and his right, hoping to get my point across, "Everyday I love you even more and my chest hurts insanely whenever we're not together. You're the best thing that's ever been mine."

"I think I'm seriously in love with you, Yoonie," He sniffed and his eyes became watery again, his face still being held in my hands, "and—and I'm terrified that you're gonna leave me because I'm not perfect."

His eyes shut tightly, like he wanted to disappear. I shook my head slightly at how incorrect he was.

I gently grabbed his left hand that was resting by his side by his wrist and put it on my chest, his eyes meeting mine, "Whose is this?"

"What?" He asked, confusion lacing his word.

"Answer me, whose is this?" I asked softly.

He blinked and some tears fell but he continued to think, "Yours?"

I shook my head and pushed his hand into my chest a little harder, "No, it's yours. I'm yours."

His jaw tightened and I could see his eyes sparkle with a tint of happiness.

"I'm always going to be yours, and vice versa. For forever."

He used his other hand to wipe away his tears that slid down his cheeks, a beautiful, genuine smile slipping onto his face, "Thank you, Yoonie, I love you."

I smiled back, his happiness allowing deluges of joy to flow into my body, "Let's go to bed."

He nodded and we both stood up, exiting the dimly lit bathroom. We both crawled into the bed, snuggling into each other under the thick covers. Our fingers subconsciously intertwined and we just stared up at the ceiling.

"Yoonie."
  
I hummed in response, his beautiful voice being an orchestra to my ears, "There's no one in love like us, right?"

I smiled even though he couldn't see it in this darkness, "No, no one in this entire universe."

It was quiet.

"Yoonie."

I hummed again, enjoying his minimalistic but meaningful questions.
 
"What is love?"

I blinked twice before answering, "It's when you give yourself to someone. The good parts, the bad parts, and even the parts that make you cry under the covers at night.. All of it."

The seemed surprised that I answered so seriously, but to be honest, me too. But now that I've actually experienced it first hand (love that is), everything is just clearer and more beautiful. Like the sun shines brighter, the sky is bluer, and the flowers blossom even more beautiful than ever.

"Yoonie." He called once more and even though I loved the sound of his voice and the way it called sounded when it called my name, he needs sleep. 

"Hobi, we should rest, so we can go on a date or somethin tomorrow."
 
He sighed but nodded, "Fine, but one last question."

I agreed happily, "Okay."

He cleared his throat, "You know how everyone dies?"

I nodded, scared of his question.

"Well how'll you live when I die?"

I looked in his direction even though my naked eye couldn't make out his face, "Why are you asking me this?"

He shrugged, the bed wobbling a bit, "It's only hypothetical, babe, just answer the question."

I sighed and looked back up at the ceiling, the answer had already been in my mind since he asked the question, "I won't."

[author's notes]

They're so sweet. I lub.