omega (✔️)

[83]

[83]

[Yoongi]

Laying on the cold floor helplessly before my beloved, I realized how not okay I was. The pain seeped into every part of my body and just breathing sent sharp pains into my chest.

"..Ho..Ho.."

I can't. I refuse. I will not live on. It's impossible.

"Yoongi, I-I.." an unrecognizable voice said lowly but I ignored it.

Maybe I deserve all this pain. That's why this happened to me. I took advantage of a luxurious life and now that life took away the only that mattered - the only thing that will ever matter. Accepting that reality, I tried regaining my breath. Slowly - but surely - my breaths became calmer and slower. I brought my pointer and middle finger up to my right cheek, my soft skin dry of the expected tears.

"Why..?"

Why am I not crying?

I scoffed and my hands fell limp onto my lap once I realized the answer to my question.

I can't cry. I couldn't. It's impossible to cry when you yourself have died. Because on that sober night, along with my sweet Hobi, I died as well.

[Jungkook]

Yoongi wouldn't answer me no matter what I had said. I called his name for about ten minutes before I realized that he was in a complete other dimension.

Seo-Yeon watched the whole scene pitifully with sad, helpless eyes. Seo-Yeon cried right when my mother left the room, her vulnerability showing through for the first time ever. Hobi and I have been friends and even family for years. Every experience I remember, he's there. He's laughing at me. Laughing with me. Making stupid, corny jokes.

Tears came to my eyes and I just couldn't anymore. I ran out of my front door, the pressure and tension within the house breaking me.

I didn't know where I was going. When I jumped in the car, when I turned the key in the ignition, when I drove for hours.. I had no idea what to do. I took rights and lefts, stopping at red lights and going slow at yellow lights. Harsh ringing noises sounded of an ambulance and I slowed so it could pass me. Then somehow, I found myself at Jin's bar, where I knew Jimin was staying. I knew that I shouldn't bother him with this. With what just happened, just being with Jimin is detrimental to everyone around me.

I rested my forehead on the steering wheel, conflicted, until a knocking on the window from beside me jolted me up. I looked at the window and saw Jimin with a small smile on his face, his eyebrows raised in confusion. I rolled down the window and he poked his small head through it, "What are you doing here? I heard a car in the front so I came to check it out," his eyes began to scan the interior of my car, "Wow! Your car is so nice!"

My urge to disappear from the earth vanished almost immediately once his scent flourished in the car.

How can a smell be so calming?

After taking a look at my car, his eyes met mine which immediately softened in worry, "What happened?"

He opened the car door and pulled me out of the car by my wrists. He continued to hold my hands as we were looking straight into each other's eyes. My jaw tightened because I didn't want to tell him. If I told him, he would blame himself and that would just hurt me even more. But it was too late.

[Jimin]

The most awful, frightening, hurting sound I've ever heard came out of Jungkook as he sobbed into my shoulder like a child. His arms wrapped around my torso tightly, his body trembling in my arms. I put my arms around him, holding him close as I whispered sweet nothings into his ear to calm him. His large body that enclosed around me told me that I was meant to hold him, "Jungkook, it's okay, it's okay,"

He shook his head into my shoulder, his tears dampening my shirt, "..no."

I rubbed small circles in his back with the tips of my fingers, holding him tightly so he wouldn't leave from me, "Yes, it is,"

He hiccuped, his tears clogging his throat, "It's all my fault, Jimin, if it weren't for me—"

"No, Jungkook," I interrupted sharply, "I have no idea what you're talking about, but I can feel your emotions of guilt radiating, proving that you truly tried your best,"

Soft crying sounds and I just rubbed his back until he attempted to look me in the eyes, lifting his head from my shoulder, "I-I can't tell you anything.. I'm sorry,"

I shook my and gently pushed his head back into my shoulder, playing with small the locks on his head, "You don't have to, just know I'm here,"

Once those words were said, he completely gave himself to me, squeezing me tight as he screamed out his sadness. Apologies and the name "Hobi" the only words leaving his lips besides phrases I couldn't decipher. I closed my eyes and continued to allow himself indulge within me.

The cold around us was nullified by the warmth that we radiated. His cries and pleads for forgiveness ushered me to do everything and anything I could to save him, help him.

His voice was worn and exhausted when he had finally calmed down, hiccups causing his body to sporadically jolt. He pulled back and I looked into his red, puffy eyes with a comforting smile, happy that I could console him in some way.

"I killed him," small water droplets spilled from the corners of his eyes, "He's dead because of me,"
  
I blinked and looked at his guilt ridden face.

"He's gone," he brought the palm of his hand to his eye and pressed hard, as if to punish himself, "He's fucking gone,"

I grabbed his right hand, the one that was trying to harm him, and placed it on my heart, his eyes staring straight into mine, "It's okay,"

I ripped his hand out of my grasp and held in to his chest as if I had burned him, "I'm a murderer, Jimin!"

I smiled sadly at how his feelings of remorse was nullifying my comfort. Once more, I slowed reached and grabbed his hand from his chest, placing it back where I had placed it before, "No, you're Jungkook. My Jungkook."

[author's notes]

Sorry i haven't posted lately.

I was reminiscing on some painful feelings.

But I'm okay now.

On the plus side, I have a whole bunch of inspiration because of my mellow feelings.

:)