omega (✔️)

[142]

[142]

[Jimin]

I held the pinkish, whitish stick so everyone in the room could see it. Although I didn't see Yoongi in the room and unnecessarily showed him, I didn't care too much if he saw. He was going to find out either way. However, the way his shoulders tensed, showing his tangible uncomfortableness, I could see that he was not in agreement with the pregnancy.

But neither was I.

It's hasn't even been that long since Jungkook and I were together, and I had no idea what he had thought of the growing force within me since the thirty minutes we've known or suspected it. Hell, we're not even married. For the past few months, we've been living happily in the presence of each other's undeniable love and affection. He had made me realize that love wasn't something impossible for me and that he would always be there. Always.

But this is too soon. Our life cannot be dictated by this small infant that we had created together. We have so much more to do, so much more to learn and experience, so much--

'Really? Those are just excuses. You just don't want a kid.' A cynical voice echoed in my mind as the anxiety that welled up within my chest only pulsated with an unmitigated strength. This voice was so familiar, a voice that I had heard throughout this mundane life of mine. My mother's. 'You don't want this kid to end up like you, because that just translates into you becoming. Just. Like. Me.'

The goosebumps that formed all up and down my arms from the amount of truth the conscience that took the form of my mother's calming voice spouted so ruthlessly and cynically. 

I noticed that no one else seemed to be talking and my arm fell to my side, my eyes stinging from the attempt to hold back the salty droplets of water from rushing down my red cheeks. 

"Jimin," said Jungkook in a stern voice which made my eyes slowly meet his, "you're overthinking again, aren't you?"

My lips trembling in one last, futile attempt to hold back the tears that were already brimming the rim of my bottom eyelids and slowly gliding down the slick hairs of my eyelashes as if they were a slide in a childish attempt to stop something that was inevitable. My vision became blurry because of my refusal to blink and give in. So, with a face that had a painful pout and a dam of tears being held by the weak skin of my bottom eyelids, Jungkook walked over to me and gave me one of the tightest hugs he had ever given me in the short time we had known each other. I stood completely still and stiff in his arms, my whole body still frozen from the anxiety and fear that had enveloped it. 

"Jimin."

"wHAT?" I said with an embarrassing voice crack from the exertion of my whole face to try and be strong in front of all of the people who were in this dimly lit bar. 

"I love you and don't you dare worry about a thing," He murmured into the top of my blonde hair that had darkened roots from the lack of energy that I had to dye it once more. His hands moved from the small of my back to my slightly, slightly bloated stomach in which he rubbed with the most tender and ginger care, "I'm here. I'm always going to be here."

[Taehyung]

Jimin. All I've been able to think about for all of the months that I've been here is that one name. This amount of time was nothing compared to the four years that I spent at university, not seeing him even once during that time span. However, it's only been a few months, and there are times when I close my eyes and I can't picture him. At times like that, I get extremely sad and regretful of those last words filled with pseudo-contempt, wishing that I could have said something else or more meaningful as our last words. However, that was not my biggest regret.

I can already feel myself forgetting the colors of his beautiful eyes which were one of his most prominent and attractive features. Although I know love is essentially impossible for a mutated monster like me, I thought that I could retain the magical feelings that came with being in love with someone, but I guess those are fleeting from me as well.

I stood up from my bed and my staring contest with the rising sun, turning my back against the shining rays. Slipping on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt on my almost naked body besides the boxers that covered my lower half, I sighed in an empty feeling of anonymity. In this large state with around 40 million residents, I was just a minuscule little piece of a gargantuan, a beautiful painting.  Time seemed to pass by a little faster because of the lack of excitement or feeling in this life of luxury that Lisa has supposedly given me. However, this gift of not having to worry about anything only amplified my thoughts of loneliness because of the extra amount of free time I had to soak in my horrid thoughts.

The shops on the sidewalk that I seemed to zoom by were so familiar, mundane and usual, everything like a boring movie I've watched a billion times. Just like that night before I found out that Namjoon had been sleeping with my mother for almost three decades. I had been watching a scary movie that I had seen around thirteen to twenty times before already before heading to the bar to encounter the other five men there.

But that time that I watched it wasn't boring because I had somebody to re-experience it with: Jimin. And all of my life is just like that movie, my twenty-four hours being that one hour and thirty minutes that the movie held and Jimin being.. Jimin. Because for me he was my happiness and my excitement. And just like that movie, without him, why should I watch it again?

[Author's Notes]

Sorry for such a confusing and symbolic chapter but everything in this chapter is something that needs to be deciphered by you, the reader. Take it how you think it should be interpreted and let me know how you guys think of this new mode of mechanical living for Taehyung and why you think all of this is happening to all of the characters.