Scared

days gone by

Chapter ten

The winter was hard, we went from pillar to post but the dead always found us. Daryl and I kept fighting because he didnt think I should be training. I had lost all my baby weight, i kinda missed it in a weird way, I worked out every morning and most evenings where I could. I went out hunting and killing the dead.

Lori was heavily pregnant.

Toby was doing grand. He was growing into the most handsome boy. He had big blue eyes and brown hair, He had begun giggling at things and learning to crawl, I was a proud mamma. I had loads of parenting books that I let anyone read when they were bored in the car. I felt like a new person. I had a child growing every day, I was fit and could go out on runs.

"Lil" Hershel called out making me whirl around "I wanted to say thank you for the bracelets you brought back for Maggie and Beth, I know they will cherish them"

Yesterday I was out in a run and come across some bracelets, just little silver chains with the word sister engraved on a dainty plack on them and I thought Maggie and Beth, manly Beth though would adore them.

"They are always helping with my boy, it's the least I can do" he stood beside me looking inside the car. Toby was fast asleep with his mouth open in his car seat. We had found one a few months ago right after we spoke about getting him one.

"Looks like you'll be needing a new seat soon" I chuckled and nodded.

"He's growing more every day" Hershel smiled and looked at me.

"He's going to outgrow his mother in no time" I laughed and nodded. It's true he would "he will be a strong, strapping lad"

"Thank you Hershel" looking back at him I sighed "did I do the right thing? Keeping him in this world"

"What do you mean?" I didn't answer for a minute or two before I looked off over the group who huddled around each other

"Well he's a baby" I watched as Daryl walked to Rick talking to him "he causes trouble, he's teething right now and keeps crying, drawing in all the walkers around. Putting the group in danger" I rubbed my hands over my face feeling the stress getting too much as I tugged my hair a little "I'm going to raise a boy in a world full of dead people" I crossed my arms over myself breathing loudly "he's got no life and is putting everyone else in so much trouble"

"What do you want me to say?" He asked and I shrugged "well you obviously want to hear something, what is it?"

"I want to know I'm doing the right thing for my child" I looked back to Toby who moved in his slumber "just tell me everything's going to be okay and my boy will have some sort of life" tears filled my eyes but I took a deep breath and composed myself. My stomach was in knots and my head throbbed.

"You are doing the best you can do in our circumstances" he pulled me into a strong hug "my dear, god works in mysterious ways. He has big plans and only he knows what they are, we just have to wait for his signs" he kissed the top of my head and pulled back "you're doing exceptional"

"Thank you" he smiled before walking away to the group.

"Ya good?" Daryl's voice called to me and as if on cue Toby started crying.

"Have to be" I called back without looking. I opened the car door and unplugged him "Hey baby boy" He looked up at me and carried on crying "what's up my boy" I pulled him inside my arms "you hungry?" I carefully moved him around so he could get some milk from my breast. He only had a pitiful amount before pulling away and crying again. I put my knuckle against his lips and he opened and started biting down on my finger hard "you hurting again"