Scared

Swallowed whole

Chapter twenty-four

I felt like the world was taking me bit by bit. I was just waiting for it to snatch me up and swallow me whole. I hoped it would hurry up and just do it.

I'd been walking around for a while now. Found some tracks along the way and was just following them along wherever they took me. I was out of food and low on water. I'd run into some crazy man the other week who tried to kill me so I had to kill him but lucky for me he had water. A win for me - a big loss for him.

I hadn't slept in the longest time, I couldn't sleep. Every time I shut my eyes all I saw was Toby or my dead family. I had fallen asleep a while back and had the worst nightmare and since then I haven't slept but I didnt know if that was hours days or weeks ago now.

The sun was rising back up and I decided to rest, I sat down next to the track leaning on a tree. My ankle was still healing from the tower going down, I had it wrapped up as best as I could and it was a lot more manageable now. I had scars but mostly everything had healed by now. I closed my eyes and images of him come to my brain so I opened them again.

This was what it was like. I wasn't living, I was barely scraping at the word surviving. I wanted nothing more then to have him in my arms one more time, just to have him close and tell him how much I loved him.

I wanted Carl, to tell him how strong and brave he really is. He didn't need me by his side he was more then capable.

I wish I could have a late night snack and chat with Beth and Maggie, the ones where we would laugh intill our tummies hurt, I almost pee myself and someone wakes up.

I needed to know Judy was safe.

I needed Daryl. I needed him to hold me and tell me everything was alright. I needed him to kick my ass into gear. I needed him to take away the pain...

I needed my family but that wasn't going to happen. I was going to pass out from exhaustion at some point, my body would give up and I would be left for the dead.

"I've had enough now" I pulled out my gun looking like the single bulletin in the mag before closing it and pointing it to my head - it had been sitting in there for weeks now. I rested it there leaning into it. I blocked out everything around me and sat in complete silence as I flipped the safety off but before I could press the trigger it was taken from my hands in a gentle manner. looking up through blurred glassy eyes I saw Glenn and Maggie.

"where.."

"he's dead" I whispered and tears fell from my eyes. I was taken into a hug by the two crying adults. I didnt cry, a few tears fell but if I cry I'd never stop. "He is buried by the creek, he liked the sound of the water"

"im so sorry lily-"

"I'm done with lily, Im back to the real me" I licked my lips looking down "Lily is dead now, she wasn't strong enough"

"Riley, the music teacher" Glenn lifted my chin and smiled "I prefer Riley, come on" he lifted me to my feet and I finally saw the people behind them "this is abe, Rosita, engine and tara. there with us"

"at your service mam," abe said with a hard look but soft eyes "we are on a mission to save the world" I stared at him for a moment

"that's what my ten-year-old next door neighbour said to me when he needed to take a shit" Laugher come from around me but I didnt react at all as abe frowned

"engine here is a scientist and knows the cure" he smiled proudly and I glanced at the other one then back to abe

"he tells ya what it is?"