Scared

Prison

Chapter eleven

We had driven the cars down to the gates but didn't risk bringing them in as the sun was starting to set and there where walkers around, so decided to go wait till we were all rested and ready to keep it safe.

I pulled toby out of the car grabbing his bags, Maggie helped to grab some more things for me. I held him on my hip and smiled

"This is our new home buddy" he reached up grabbing my chin and making weird sounds "yeah its exciting right" I laughed lightly. he didn't need food yet so once I was closer to the group I put him down on the grass sadly he pulled some out and tried to eat it " no no no that's dirty" I pulled it all out of his hands and put a dummy in his mouth to keep that area busy

"Does he not know not to eat grass?" Carl asked watching as Toby wobbled and rolled around.

"he's just a baby, he doesn't understand much yet" Carl nodded before laughing at him "he found mud" I moved so quick I made him jump as I picked him up.

"oh Toby" I complained sighing at the muddy mess "why do you find the only bit of mud around"

"do you need help?" Carl asked hopefully.

"do you want to grab the red bag and blue bag of his for me and help me pick some new clothes out?" he nodded and ran away as I walked over to the group who laughed at my messy baby. he was so adorable. I sat down on the grass leaning back on Maggie who then started to braid my hair.

"I got it!" carl cheered putting down my bags and sitting with me. I pulled out some baby wipes "can I pick his clothes?"

"of course, just make sure it's thick and warm for the night," I said and he started going through the bags pulling everything out but I didn't mind. I started cleaning the mud from his face and he squished up his face making me laugh. a flash went off and I looked at Glenn who smiled

"memories" he wiggled the camera and took some pictures of other people.

once I had finished cleaning I changed his nappy quickly and carl passed me his new outfit, it was a very cute grey and white all in one that looked like a little fluffy bear. I thanked him and put it on Toby who made it very difficult but I finally got it on and looked back at carl

"want to feed him?" I asked and yawned after. my body was aching and probably starting to bruise from earlier.

"why don't you get some rest? ill help carl feed him" Maggie said from behind me. I thanked her for both my hair and for feeding him and told everyone I was going for a little walk first.

walking away it was a lot quieter. I saw Daryl and Carol talking up on the turned van. I frowned at them wondering what they were talking about. I watched as she nudged and giggled and couldn't help but think how she sounded like a stupid school girl as I walked past.

I found a corner in the field and laid down looking at the sky. it was a beautiful night, stars littering the darkness beautifully. suddenly I felt all emotional. stupid baby hormones. I couldn't stop myself from thinking of everything...

What felt like just a few months ago I was at home in England, cleaning and cooking waiting for my husband to get home. I would call my mother during the day and talk to her, get advise on cooking things and how to fix the washing machine.

M E M O R Y

I swore loudly pressing the button again and again but it just wasn't working. looking at the time I sighed, he would be home in a few hours. I picked up my phone and called mum.

"Hello dear, how are you" I broke out in tears like a child. I had been stressed all day, nothing was going right "oh darling breath, what's going on hunny?"

"It-It-it won't work" my voice was high pitched and id be surprised if she could understand my blabbering

"what won't work?" she asked in her normal soothing voice, it was a voice only a mother had.

"Ipressedthebuttonbutitwontturnonandidoneeverythinginormallydobutthebuttonwontwork!" I sobbed out loud without taking a breath causing me to lose my breath more. I was a complete mess "ijustwanttowashmyclothes" my voice was almost a whisper

"darling calm down its okay" her voice was light as she let out a little laugh "now have you turned it on?"

"OF COURSE I FUCKING TURNED IT ON!" I shout out and she let out another laugh. she was used to these calls.

"okay and have you put all the washing liquid in?" I hummed a yes as I checked the draw and shut it again "that's good, have you selected a setting?"

"yeah i-i put it on a fouthy degree coloured and cotton wash" I read out what it said "and then I pressed the button but it won't turn on, I don't get it"

"darling" she laughed again "did you select the spin setting? your ones not automatically set like ours, you have to press what spin you want" I looked and saw a flashing light waiting for me to pick my spin

"What spin do I want?" my voice was like a child "it's my festive Cotten sheets with the little snowflakes on it"

"the most spins sweety" i hummed wiping the snot from my nose as I selected the most spins and started it "done?"

"thank you" I mumbled then looked to the tumble dryer "while your here..."

N O W

I wiped away the tears. She was an amazing mum and always tried to help me. she always wished for the day I would tell her I was pregnant with her grandchild, every time I tried to chat seriously or got overly excited or emotional she would ask if I was pregnant with so much hope in her voice. she even brought some blankets one time and I had to have a serious talk to her.

I laid there for a while staring at the sky thinking about many things.

"ya good?" I didn't look at Daryl but I nodded. I wasn't good at all I felt awful in every way possible, my body hurt and my mind was driving me crazy.

"my mother was desperate for me to have a child" i announced. I heard him sit down close to me as I stared at the stars "I think that's the hardest thing about this shit ass world. It took my mother and she will never get to meet her grandchild"

"she'd love him" he said and I smiled glancing at him

"oh I know" I smiled stupidly "she would go crazy for him, she thought my first would be a boy and second a girl"

"don go having another yet" i let out a laugh even though i know he was serious in a way.

"you see me getting with any guys right now?" i joked "trust me he is all i can handle right now" I let out a breath before looking at Daryl with a slight frown "what were you talking to carol about up there?" he stared at me for a moment

"nothin'" I looked away with a small nod "Ya boys gonna be alright" I sat up looking over at my child licking my lips in thought

"They could have killed him today" my voice was softer and my stomach tightened "I'm just lucky you got there in time" I looked at him "thank you"

"Nothing will happen with all of us round him" he laid back on the grass and i followed suit "he's cute" I've never heard him speak so calm and freely. Not holding back all his words for once.

"i know he's adorable" we both laid in the grass with spaced out chatter for a while, finally resting.