Scared

Your blind

Chapter thirty-four

I made sure everyone had a shower then took Judy in the shower with me. after washing her She happily played with some ducks on the ground of the shower while I very quickly washed and shaved. I didn't let myself stand and think or take in the moment, I moved fast and got it done.

We got out and I wrapped a towel around myself and a hand towel around her. Looking in the mirror I frowned deeply. I wished so badly that toby was here. I held her while I brushed my teeth, it hurt my side to hold her but she enjoyed it. I brushed her teeth even though she wasn't too happy about it. When I walked out of the bathroom I found some clothes sitting there, picking them up i took them with me to the nursery room.

After drying Judy I put her nappy back on then put a onesie that I didn't recognise on her, It was a soft yellow colour with dainty drawings of flowers over it. Very cute.

"hey" I jumped a little seeing carl, Judy instantly lit up reaching for him. He had a bottle in his hand, "I thought Id put her to bed, let you get changed"

"thank you" I got up once he had taken her, he smiled sitting in the rocking chair with her "I love you both" I smiled holding my clothes to my chest. Carl smiled brightly towards me.

"We love you too mu- Riley" he dropped his head and my heart dropped to the pit of my stomach. I walked over to him and kissed his head

"make sure you get some rest" I ruffled his hair and walked away closing the door behind me. Going into another room I closed the door. I pulled on the joggers, Sports bra and long-sleeved top being careful not to split the stitches on my side. Pulling on the socks I could hear Carl reading a book to Judy so I very quietly went towards their door leaning on the door frame.

"Riley?" I jumped a little and looked to Glenn "just making sure you're alright"

"Yeah, im fine" I walked past him and downstairs. I looked in at everyone seeing them either talking softly or trying to sleep. knowing they were okay I walked to the kitchen and out the back door. It was a lovely garden, green kept grass with flowers and bushes around the edges, well kept. I sat back on the swinging bench pulling my legs to my chest. I played with the knife and sighed softly.

without a word, Daryl walked over sitting next to me. I moved so my side was against the back of the bench. I rested my head and watched as he fiddled with his crossbow.

"Carl called me mum" I spoke softly, he looked down at me "He panicked and corrected himself, I made nothing off it just told him to rest"

"you good?" he asked after a moment. I stayed quiet not knowing what to say. I was fine with him calling me mum if that's what he wants but it was just a shock. "want one" I looked to his hand seeing a pack of fags and smiled a little taking one out. I placed it between my lips and he sparked his lighter, it was a small thing but it made me smile. He smiled a little back at me as I pulled the smoke into my lungs. I watched as he lit his own, there was something attractive about him smoking a fag in such dim light. The light from the kitchen shone softly over his features. "I miss him too" his words shocked me, I hadn't expected anything from him.

"He loved you so much" I smiled remembering how excited he got around him but also how calm he could be. Images of the two of them flashed through my mind, tears filled my eyes but I pushed them away pulling in some more smoke trying to keep to my rule of no more crying whenever he was mentioned. I wanted his memory to be a happy one that people spoke about not a sad one everyone was to scared to think about, he wouldn't be forgotten.

"you're a great mum" he spoke softly blowing out some smoke "not just to Toby but to all of em, They love ya"

"thank you" I sat up putting my feet to the cool wood my socks not helping much." they love you as well, they may come to cry to me, let me care for them but they all need you just as much. They look up to you, desperate to get that nod of approval" he scoffed and I smiled at him taking the last drag of the fag before putting it out. "they love you" I licked my lips "it's hard not to" I muttered very lightly under my breath, a small part of me wanted him to hear and question but most of me whispered I hadn't muttered them words.