The things I think of when I'm alone

The Lonely Soul

Depression is loneliness.

You know that feeling, the one right where your heart is, it feels like something is missing. Like someone took half of your heart out of your body and has it locked away in a high tower, and it hurts so bad that your chest feels like it's being weighed down by the one half of your heart you do have, yearning for the missing piece?

I'm pretty sure that's what loneliness feels like. I don't think it's just that yearning either for a romantic someone, although that loneliness is sometimes just as unbearable, but it is also that loneliness you feel ALL THE TIME.

I'm sure most of you know exactly what I'm talking about, the feeling that no one could possibly understand what you're going through and everyone who tries just doesn't get it. It's not that you want to feel this way and trust me, I definitely don't, but it's inevitable.

I keep thinking of the term "soul mates". What does that really mean anyway? Apparently it has something to do with Greek Mythology and reincarnation, that in some past life you and that someone have spent your years together and you are destined to find each other again. You know what I say to that? BULLSHIT.

Excuse the language, but honestly, that's ridiculous. A soul, in layman's  terms, is that immaterial part of a human being, it's a sense of identity that makes you who you are. You can't see it, touch it, hear it, or even feel it, but you have to trust that you have one. I'm not convinced that you do, or I do, or anyone does. It's not like there's a diagram of the inside of the human body where you're going to find a spot that says "The Soul". It's not going to happen, because there isn't a place for it in our bodies. I know this may seem a little far-fetched but I don't see the point in believing that something is there in my body when it's supposed to be invisible. It would be like believing in ghosts, and some people even refer to ghosts as "lost souls" which I just don't buy.

Maybe there is something really flawed in my logic. If I do have a soul and it is in fact so minuscule that not even a microscope magnified 1,000,000,000 could pick it up then why the loneliness? Why is there this part of me that yearns for someone who understands, just a friend who gets why I can't be happy all the time and why I work so hard not to convince myself that life has no meaning. I don't want to think that, I feel like a soulless monster for lack of a better word. Why does it matter if you die young or old, you're going to die at some point anyway in life, so why does it matter if you wait until you're 90 to keel over or have a brain aneurysm at 25? The world has a gentle indifference to death, it's not going to give a damn what happens to you in the long run and whether or not you have a good soul is going to change when you die now is it?
Maybe I am wrong about everything, or maybe my soul is just too lonely to care.