Fiction.

Chapter 6: Panic Attack.

Chapter 6: Panic Attack.  

It seems like yesterday that I found out I was going to be a dad. Now we’re a few days away from seeing the baby girl, Peasnie. I’ve been there with Rosie every step of the way even though I know she cheated on me.

We had a huge blow out when we found out what we were having. I threatened to leave and never come back all because she said she wanted her to have a different name, not Peasnie. But we agreed that if it’s a girl I name her and it is. Her name is Peasnie. Rosie said that I got to keep the baby because she didn’t want anything to do with it. I can’t believe she’d say that about her own daughter. But either way I’m apart of the baby’s life. I told her off big time. So now I’m only going to be seeing Rosie for Doctor’s appointments and the birth. She said I could be there which was nice. She’s dating a new guy named Roger; I think he’s like eighteen. She’s only fifteen and I’m fourteen. My birthday was just over a month ago. I hate the fact that that scum bag is by my child more than I am. He doesn’t deserve to be in the presence of that baby. She is so much better than him.

My dad and mom helped me make a space in my room for all her things so now everything that was scattered through the room was pressed up against a wall and put into vacuum sealable packs that hid under my bed. Her wardrobe consumed most of my closet but I’m not complaining. My mom and dad are very proud of me for doing this, they said that since school started I shouldn’t work full time so now I work weekends and attend school during the week. I want to work as much as I can before the baby comes so I can have some extra cash for her. The guys helped me out when I needed it and I’m grateful for that, they’re the best. I’m glad that Rosie hasn’t gotten to any of the other guys either. Just me and Matt.

I sat in the kitchen eating a late dinner with my parents; I spun the melted cheese around the fork as the noodles were stabbed into the points. I was getting nervous and excited. I couldn’t stop this feeling inside. My mom smiled at me proudly.

“It’s not long now.” She reminded me with a sweetened voice. I blushed brightly and smiled a little. It’s only days from now and that’s kinda scary. I’m really nervous about how good of a dad I am going to be.

“Scary, right?” Dad asked. I nodded in agreement.

“Yep.” I replied.

“Right let me get this straight.” My mom uttered. I groaned loudly and rolled my eyes. What does my mom need clarification on? She knows everything about this situation.

“Rosie doesn’t want to be apart of Peasnie’s life but she’ll be there for the first week to take care of it with you then after the first week she’s gone.” My muttered softly. I nodded again.

“Yes, for the first week I’m going to be going back and forth between houses.” I added. I think that wasn’t the reply my mom was looking for but it’s the one she got. She wasn’t keen on me sleeping over at Rosie’s house but I’m going to be there. I’m not missing a moment. I wasn’t keen on sleeping there either but its happening. And Jenny is allowing it. I’m going to be sleeping on the couch. I jumped in my seat when the house phone began to ring loudly, usually we don’t answer the phone during dinner but my mom got up and answered the phone this one time which is strange.

“Hello?” She greeted with a happy-go-lucky voice. I kept my head down and ate my dinner. My dad read the paper even though he read most of it this morning. There was something in the pit of my stomach that told me something was going to happen.

“Okay, we’re on our way.” My mom’s tone of voice changed in a blink of an eye. It was panicked and excited. I looked up at her with a concerned look. She looked pail and heavy hearted. Her eyes were wide. My dad gave her the same concerned expression I did.

“James, get your jacket and shoes on.” She said as calmly as she could.

“Why?” I asked being a tad bit of a smart ass. She smacked me in the back of the head which said ‘don’t ask questions, do what I say’. I sighed and got up out of the seat and put my bowl on the counter before going into my room to grab my black leather jacket. I put on my old sneakers slowly still contemplating what was going on.

“Hustle!” I heard my mother call for me. I groaned and jogged out of my room and down the dark hall way. My mom jerked her jacket on and waited for me nervously. She grabbed hold of my hand and pulled me out of the house, dad trailing behind us. He locked the house door as mom dragged me to the car. I nearly fell onto my ass as I slipped on the frozen water that covered the path. It was beginning of March so it’s pretty icy. My mom pushed me into the back seat and followed behind me. Dad took the driver’s seat and drove insanely down the streets. It wasn’t late at night but it was really dark already, the street lights shone off the slushy snow that laid the ground messily making it look like slop instead of the beautiful fluffy white snow you see in the movies.

On top of my dad’s crazy driving I still didn’t know what was happening. So I’m beyond panicking. What was happening? Something happened and by the feeling that was sitting in the bottom of my stomach it wasn’t good. I looked around nervous; I wasn’t wearing my seat belt either. I looked up at my mom with a worried expression.

“Mom, what’s happening?” I asked with an even more worried voice. It squeaked and dipped down low. I tried to self calm but it wasn’t working like I had planned. My mom smiled down at me happily, but there was still a hint of panic there.

“You’re about to be a dad.” She announced. I felt my body fall back into the seat, I was in shock. I’m about to be a dad. It’s not just a dream anymore, this is really happening. I’m about to be a dad to a little girl. She is my life now. To be honest, it’s the best feeling in the world to have something so pure and innocent in your arms. I’m responsible for this life now, if this child doesn’t choose the right path in life, it’s my fault. I’m responsible for everything this child does and believes. If she grows up to be a thug, that’s my fault. I don’t want that, I need to make sure she does right and thinks right. She’s not going to turn out to be a bad person. I refuse to let that happen.

I could feel my heart starting to beat quickly inside my chest and the car spin around nervously. My body shook violently. I couldn’t breathe very well either. My mom grabbed my hand and held it tightly. She told me to breathe slowly and deeply. That didn’t help.

“Honey, you need to be brave. Not for us or Rosie but for that baby girl.” She said softly. I nodded and tried to regain my breathing pattern. It was slowing down and becoming calmer. I swallowed hard and smiled slightly. I was able to breath normally again but that didn’t last long. We pulled up in front of the hospital and I began to panic again. I know I needed to be brave and I am brave, I’m just worried about the rest of my life. Who doesn’t think about their future as a parent and not panic? There are so many ifs, ands, or buts to not freak out a little. And sadly that freaking out is happening to me. Now.