Fiction.

Chapter 52: No Shame.

Chapter 52: No Shame.

Peasnie drove down the icy roads quietly. It had rained all day and night then it froze into ice. The roads were slippery and dangerous. I sat up in the attic alone that day, the grey sun light filtering into the room. Peasnie had gone to see her shrink so instead of being a noisy dad I stayed home. I’m free to go anywhere I choose to stay here, occasionally checking in on my parents but that’s it.

I sat on the bed cross legged, looking out the window that November morning. I felt something jerk inside my stomach. Something wasn’t right, nothing sat right with me. Matt and Val were down stairs, they both had the day off.

The pain in my stomach made me double over, my arms crossed over my abdomen trying to push the pain away but I couldn’t, it was like I was being ripped from myself. I tightly shut my eyes and groaned loudly before I heard the screeching of tires, slashing of water and crushing of metal. I felt something hit my face, water; icy water.

My eyes opened and I was sitting on the edge of a creek. I looked up to see Matt’s car crashed into the creek, it was flipped over, Peasnie behind the wheel, unconscious. The car was filling up with icy cold water. Panic took over me as I dove into the freezing cold water. I didn’t notice anything around me, just Peasnie. I turned into a superhero as I managed to get the car door open. My hands shook violently as I concentrated on getting Peasnie out of the water. I undid her seat belt and dragged her onto shore.

People started to gather around us, calling the paramedics. They were no help but I stayed hovering over her lifeless body like a protective dog. She was pail, pail white with ashy cheeks that had blue hints in them, her lips were navy blue and her eye lids were lavender. Her hair had frost in it and her body was freezing cold.

I felt the worst worry and panic fill me full. I had tears coming down my face as I tapped her cheeks roughly hoping for a reaction, a twitch, a wiggle of the nose, anything. But I got nothing. I hugged myself close to her body, no longer hearing her heart beating against her chest. I cried loudly knowing that if she didn’t get warmed up soon she was going to die. I held her close to me, sitting on the edge of the creek bed, icy rain stabbing the pair of us. I didn’t care anymore.

“Peasnie, wake up baby, you need to wake up.” I demanded harshly slapping her face but nothing worked.

“Somebody help us!” I screamed at the top of my lungs.

I closed my eyes tightly before I felt something different. I felt warm and dry, safe. I opened my eyes to see Peasnie sitting there in our old house at the kitchen table with two steaming mugs of coffee for us, just like old times. I remember living this every morning but now it’s gone. It’s all my fault.

She wore a short white summer dress with no straps. Her hair was long and it was lingering with curls and waves. Her blue eyes lined with brown liner and black mascara. She held a grey white mug in her ashy white hands. The morning glow directly behind her made her seem like an angel. The sun shine was warming and reassuring. I haven’t felt warmth in years. Seeing her safe and sound with colour on her face made me smile faintly. I sat in the all black suit that I woke up in when I died. Peasnie seemed to lose the happiness in her face, she frowned and sighed deeply.

“I’m sorry, dad.” She whispered softly. I nodded and sipped my steaming hot coffee carefully. The sound of sympathy in her face made me rejoice. I can talk to her now; she can hear me and see me.

“I know.” I replied flatly. The look in Peasnie’s eyes made me realize just how much she missed me. I only said two words and to her it was like thousands. She shook her head.

“Why did you have to die?” She asked the question I dreaded. I felt my smile fade into a faint frown.

“Life is too short to live it in sadness and regret. You need to be happy in order for the sun to shine.” I whispered the first words that came to my mind. She looked at me confusedly and curiously, swallowing hard.