Fiction.

Chapter 9: Hope is All I Have.

Chapter 9: Hope is All I Have.

It was the last night at the hospital, tomorrow afternoon we’re going home. It’s exciting to finally bring Peasnie home. I know Rosie was supposed to be with me the first week but her Gran is sick and tomorrow she’s going to Omaha instead of my house. So she’ll be leaving a little bit before me and Peasnie. Rosie will be with her Gran for a week or so. I don’t mind, it’ll be nice bonding time. I’ll introduce her to the drum kit, not playing it of course, just feeling it. I want to get her into music as quickly as possible. Music is a good therapy. Like I’ve said before, I can see her going far in life.

I sat in the chair, my eyes closed but my mind awake. It was late at night but extremely early in the morning. The sky was dark but becoming light over the horizon. The sky was clear, letting the stars shine in the sky. I could feel the cool breeze coming off the window. I sank into the chair slightly in an over sized black hoodie, my jeans were warm on my skin. It was silent for the first time all day. The guys came by yesterday morning. It was awkwardly intense; Matt examined Peasnie carefully then smiled at me almost as if giving me the clear. She looked just like me and she was really long. She was three inches longer than most babies here.

My eyes flew open when I heard Peasnie whining in her sleep, she was getting ready to bellow out in a full cry. I went to her rescue; the tiny baby wore a pair of yellow monkey PJs with a monkey hat. She was wrapped in the hospital blanket; she looked like a human burrito. I smiled down at her as I slid her into my arms. She was light as a feather and she was so tiny, but really long. She winced in my arms loudly.

“It’s okay, baby. I’m here.” I reassured the baby as she cried softly. I bounced lightly on my feet and rocked her back and forth. She seized the cries but she was wincing loudly. I sighed heavily and sat down in the chair again. I placed the little girl on my chest and looked out the window to see the clear night. The stars shone brightly in the night sky. I smiled slightly and rubbed her back gently.

“Let me tell you a story, baby girl.” I whispered down to her.

“There once were two stars in the sky, the biggest brightest star was a daddy star. And the smallest star in the sky, the one that didn’t shine very brightly, she was his baby girl.” I began the story in a whisper. Her whining stopped instantly. She snuggled into me and cooed happily.

“One night the baby star got separated from daddy star. She couldn’t find her way home. The daddy star was worried about her being out in the big night sky all alone. So every night that little star wasn’t home, daddy star would shine brighter than any star in the sky so his light can guide the little star home. But she was so small, she couldn’t see it. Then one night she became determined to find her way home. She did everything she could to get back into the arms of her daddy. And finally when she lost all hope in finding her way home. She saw the light and returned home to her daddy.” I ended to story with a happy ending, this isn’t like all the other fairy tales; it’s made up for one. And it’s Peasnie’s story. It’s her story only, no one else’s.

“Moral of the story; never give up, there is always hope. Even when you feel like there is none left.” I added quietly. I stroked the baby’s back softly and looked out the window, getting lost in the night sky. I smiled shyly when I saw the biggest and brightest star in the sky and right next to it, there was the small little star. Peasnie was my little star and she is always going to be in arms reach. I looked down at the baby who was soundly sleeping on my chest. She slept with a little smile curling her pink lips.

“If you ever feel like there is no hope, just look up in the night sky to see the two stars. There is always hope.” My words were soft and quiet. She softly snored in her sleep, it was so cute. I smiled and kissed her head. I love this little girl, she is real. She is my everything. She is my hope and hope is all I have.

“I love you Peasnie, weather you’re gay, lesbian, bisexual or transsexual. You’re my daughter and I have to love you, with every ounce of my humanity and existence.” I whispered softly. The small girl squirmed slightly in my arms and smiled in her sleep, her lips curled around the pink soother making her that much cutter. I held her close to me while I tried to get some sleep. But that’s next to impossible when at a hospital.

I opened my eyes to see the sky a deep grey covering the nice blue sky above. There was a grey sunlight flooding into the room brightly. I smiled slightly when I saw my dad standing in by the bed with a bag. Peasnie was replaced with a blanket and Rosie was gone. Peasnie was in her little cot wide awake and talking to everyone in her own gibberish language. My dad was packing up Peasnie’s little bag with a smile, he talked back to Peasnie. My dad and I look alike and Peasnie and I look alike, so she looks like her Grandpa. I hope as a child she’ll have the same blonde curly hair that I had. She has those blue eyes that look hazel. I’m sure over the next few years people will see them change colour. Sometimes they’re hazel, sometimes they’re deep brown but most of the time they’re blue.

“Where’s mom?” I asked softly. I shifted in the chair and sighed heavily. Dad looked up at me with a smile.

“Crowd control at the house. Your friends are waiting for you and Peasnie to get home.” He replied with a gruff voice.

I got up from the chair, placing the blanket over the back of the chair. My dad looked up at me and smirked nicely. I went over to his side and played with Peasnie’s hands, her tiny fingers death gripped my fingers. I made ninja sounds at her as my fingers battled her to the death.

“And baby Peasnie uses baby ninja skills to take down dad’s fingers, bwa, ahhh.” I said being the biggest moron ever but for my daughter, I’d dress up as big bird and do the Macarena in the middle of the street just to see her smile. I smiled down at her as she smiled up at me. She had such a pretty smile. My dad laughed hardily and tapped her nose sweetly.

“You should change her before we go.” Dad instructed sullenly. I nodded in agreement. It was a half hour drive home and I don’t want her to have a dirty dipper the whole time. I smiled as I picked Peasnie up from the bed she’s harboured for the last few days. She’s gained four pounds since she was born. Four pounds in three days, she’s a big girl. She was actually under weight when she was born. It was scary, she was fed every hour until she hit four pounds then she was put on a regular feeding time. I placed the baby girl on the bed and cooed down at her as I undid the buttons on the bottom of her onesies. She was kicking like a maniac. It was difficult to do anything with her kicking like a lunatic. I smiled and chucked the diaper into the trash. I wiped her bottom with a baby wipe. She was talking to me the whole time; she had the cutest coos ever. I did the onesies back up and tugged a pair of baby jeans over her legs, it was still really chilly outside and I didn’t want her to be cold. Brian brought her a new little hoodie they saw in a shop in Long Beach. It was a little Metallica hoodie and she was swimming in it. But damn she was cute.