Fiction.

Chapter 43: Shame.

Chapter 43: Shame.

June 1994.

I sat in Matt’s garage having some sodas with the guys. The summer air was warm but the fan that was on in the corner kept us all cool. I sat on the cool that was full of ice and sodas. I’ve known for two days now that I’m going to be a dad. It’s scary, every night I have the same dream over and over again. I fail my child as a parent. I wake up sweating like a pig in a steam house. Since I found out I have this knotting feeling in my stomach that doesn’t go away. It’s annoying and at times painful.

I swallowed the cold soda and kept my gaze to the ground. I’m sure I’ve been acting strange lately since people keep asking if I’m okay. To be perfectly honest; I don’t know. I looked up at the guys with a serious expression.

“Rosie’s pregnant.” I announced uncontrollably. It was like word vomit I couldn’t keep it in. I felt so much better now that it’s out in the open. I got a bunch of wide eyed expressions from them. I think I broke them.

“But didn’t you, y’know, put a cap on it?” Brian asked curiously. I nodded and sipped from the can blankly.

“It broke.” I muttered. The guys congratulated me on that but they were worried for me when it came down to what happened when it broke. Couldn’t it have broken after I came?

“Nicely done, James. You must be proud of yourself.” Brian muttered. I scowled at him not knowing if he was being a prick or joking. I rolled my eyes and forced a smirk.  

“Dude, what are you going to do?” Zack mumbled. I shrugged and frowned.

“I want to keep it but I still have to tell my parents. My dad’s gonna have a farm and my mom will be so disappointed in me. They might not want to keep it.” I scowled silently.

“I can see where that’s a problem. You should tell them soon though, Rosie’s pretty skinny she’ll start showing soon enough.” Matt said sternly. I nodded in agreement.

“I know but what will I tell them? That I had sex with Rosie and I didn’t pull out quick enough so now she’s having my child? Yeah I think not.” I muttered harshly.

“Just say that you and Rosie had sex and the condom broke.” Brian murmured quietly. I shrugged and frowned.

“That’s too up front.” I said. “-They need to be eased into it.”

“Well then ease them into it.” Zack replied with a smart ass comment. I rolled my eyes and smirked slightly.

“Okay smart ass what do you think I should say?” I asked curiously with an arched eye brow. Zack shrugged and gulped his soda down.

“Either way I’m fucked so badly.” I groaned sipping my drink again. I couldn’t believe it. I was denial yesterday but today is just more shock. I need to accept that I’m going to be a dad.

“Beyond badly. You’re going to be grounded until graduation.” Matt said with a cocky tone. I mimicked him and laughed.

“And we’re not talking about your graduation but your kids’ university graduation.”Brian added cheekily. I tipped my head back and laughed in agreement. That’s more like it. I love that I can come here and just talk to these guys about anything and they can make me feel better. It’s really nice. Yeah we joke around a lot but we’re really serious guys who like to just let loose sometimes. They help turn a serious, scary situation into some thing really funny.

My stomach knotted even more when my dad’s old red truck stopped on the street while my parents sat inside the car. It’s Sunday night dinner; we usually go out for dinner on Sundays. I sighed and got up to my feet sadly.

“Don’t forget Jimmy, it’s not long now.” Matt bellowed out to me as I walked down the drive way in my skate shorts and old tattered runners and my Metallica tee shirt. My mom and dad were sitting waiting for me. I jumped into the back seat and made off down the street.

“How was Matt’s?” My mother asked curiously. She’s always been kind hearted to me and I’m afraid I’ll lose all respect I’ve gained over the years. I swallowed hard and smiled forcefully.

“Good, it was fun.” I replied quickly before anything else could slip out of my mouth. I pondered in the back seat carefully. What should I do? I have them together now but it’ll ruin Sunday dinner and I don’t want to do that. ‘C’mon Jimmy, you need to tell them’ the little voice in my head egged me on. I inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly. Hoping I’d die if I held my breath long enough. I bit my cheek nervously.

“Jim, you’re biting your cheek again. What’s wrong?” My dad’s voice was strong and broad. I froze with wide eyes, weather I like it or not I’m cornered and they won’t stop until I tell them. I frowned slightly and looked at my feet.

“I made a mistake.” I began slowly; my voice was nervous but steady. The car came to a slow halt. Great we’re stopping that means they’re intent on what I have to say. I felt my stomach twist inside me making me double over slightly. My dad’s ice blue gaze shot at me from the back seat.

“What did you do this time?” He asked sternly. My dad isn’t keen on me getting into trouble alot but he loves me and he’s strict with me because he loves me. I sank into the seat slightly knowing that I’m about to get an ear full.

“I got a girl pregnant.” I announced softly. It was quiet for a few moments before World War III broke out. I can’t believe they’re yelling at me in the car. I hat to just sit there and take my punishment.

“Who’s this girl?” My mom asked. I swallowed hard and weakly smiled.

“Rosie.” I replied softly. I felt the most amount of shame ever. It was like I knew they were disappointed in me and I knew exactly how upset they were with me.

“When did you sleep with Rosie?” My dad asked curiously. I shrugged slightly.

“A few weeks ago, maybe.” I muttered back to him. “-But we were safe, it just, it broke. I swear to God I put a cap on it.” I staggered over the words loosely.

“I’m glad you were safe but Jimmy, we’ll need to talk about this more at a later time.” My dad whispered to me carefully. I sank into my shoulders and nodded. That was horrendous. Never again am I getting a girl pregnant. We drove on a few miles before my mom turned to look at me with a curious expression.  

“Where’d you get the condom from anyways?”She asked curiously. I blushed brightly and laughed as I rubbed the back of my head.

“Zack gave it to me.” I answered honestly. Sorry Zack, I know you’ll hate me for snitching on you.