Fiction.

Chapter 48: But Baby Don't Cry.

Chapter 48: But Baby Don’t Cry.

I stood there in the rain watching the casket being lowered into the ground; I wore a black suit with a black shirt and gloves. Peasnie stood there in a nice black dress, her make up was done nicely. She stood under the umbrella with Matt and Val. Having to see her not talk or sleep is frightening. She was in so much pain. She hasn’t spoken a word in days, she hasn’t slept in days. Val, Michelle and Gena have to force feed her. It’s like she’s broken and it’s all my fault.

I stood in the rain watching everybody mourn over my grave. The guys were crying, my mom and dad were crying. Everybody was crying, all except Peasnie. I frowned sadly and ran my gaze over them carefully before shaking my head at them.

“Guys, don’t cry over me; I’m not worth it.” I said to them even though they can’t hear me. I waltzed over to Peasnie’s side and frowned down at her, she never even shed a tear. I hooked my arm over her shoulder and pulled myself to her side. I knew she couldn’t see me or hear me but I prayed to God she could feel me. And I was sort of right, she looked over towards me; staring directly through me with a saddened gaze. She felt me hug her.

Just because she wasn’t crying doesn’t mean I wasn’t. I had tears falling down my face sadly, my body covered with rain.

“Peasnie, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” I apologized to her quietly. She looked from where I was back to the casket.

“Sweet heart, you liked to say something.” The Priest spoke to Peasnie with a soft but gruff tone. Peasnie nodded and bit her lip as she went up to in front of everybody. She was holding it together but I knew she couldn’t do it forever. Peasnie’s blue eyes examined the small group of people with a big frown. She sighed and looked at the group sadly before looking up at everyone. I stood amongst the crowd watching her carefully.

“Jimmy wasn’t just my dad. He wasn’t just the creator of my life.” She began with steady voice.

“Jimmy was my best friend.” She choked. “-He was that person who just made you smile by doing nothing. He kept lots of secretes even though he was crap at it.” She added in a giggling choke. She refrained from swearing today to show some respect towards me. I didn’t care if she called me a rat bastard asshole, I was. I was a dick for leaving her.

“Jimmy; dad, is my inspiration to do anything and everything head on.” Peasnie’s voice was shaking a little bit but she held a steady expression.

“I say he is instead of was because he’ll never stop being my idol, my hero. He’ll never stop being my dad and I’ll never stop loving him.” Her words brought a flash flood of tears to my eyes. I was her hero? She never told me that. I felt my stomach sink inside me deeply.

“When I first left Chicago to find my dad I had no clue who he was. All I had was a name. But when I pulled up in front of his house that sunny morning and he came out and asked me if I was okay and who I was. I told him who I was and why I was there. He didn’t deny me; he brought me into his home and let me stay there. He could’ve kicked me to the curb but he didn’t.” She said with a stern voice that was strained. I could hear she was cracking up.

“To me Jimmy is more than my dad; he’s more than just my hero or best friend. To me James Owen Sullivan is my Guardian Angel.” She said with such pride, like she was proud of me for being her dad. She was proud of me for letting her into my home when she needed a place to stay. Her pride in me made me feel lousy about what happened.

Peasnie came back over to stand with Matt and Val quietly. She never said a word after that. I loomed over her with a sad expression on my face; I felt a never ending pit in the bottom of my stomach.