Fiction.

Chapter 8: Letters of a Story.

Chapter 8: Letters of a Story.

Dear Peasnie Ann Sullivan,

March 15, 1995.

Hey baby girl, today is your birthday. Happy birthday. I loved seeing you being brought into this life. It was magical to know that I’ve helped create this life, your life. I created you and I’ll help you create your life. I promise I’ll be there for you. I’ll teach you how to drum and sing which in this case is screaming. I’ll protect you with my life. I promise.

I’m watching you sleep right now. You look so peaceful all wrapped up in blankets with the soother plugged into your mouth. You look just like me but you certainly have your mother’s stubbornness. You’re also beautiful just like her. You’re snoring little breathes and I can’t help but smile and watch you. I have to refrain from picking you up and just running away with you. You deserve better and that’s what I’ll try and give you. I’ll make sure the monsters under the bed and in the closet never get you. I’ll be your safety blanket, your flash light in the night. I’ll protect you like a solider does for their country.

I held you for the first time a few hours ago, you looked up at me with wide eyes and you smiled. I couldn’t help but smile back. I know I’m young and I might not know what love feels like but I know what true love feels like. I love you, baby. Forever and always, my heart will always be with you. I’ll love you like a father, protect you like a brother, and laugh with you like a best friend. I promise the day I reach toward the sky after I said my Good-byes my heart will be with you. I’ll be the stars in the night; I’ll lend you the light to guide you through.

I love you Peasnie. With every ounce of my existence.

Love dad.

I smiled and looked over at the new born baby, sleeping soundly in her little cot. She snored softly. I sat at the table by the window that early, early morning. It couldn’t be earlier than six, thirty in the morning. The sky was dull with heavy grey blanketing clouds, not a single ray of sun shine could break through the greying clouds. It had been snowing a little this morning. Peasnie was born on March 15th, 1995 at 1:22am. She was 2lbs and 13 inches long.

Rosie was fast asleep, she needed to sleep so badly and I’m glad she’s getting some rest. Me on the other hand, I didn’t need to sleep. I had to keep an eye on Peasnie. The doctors think she might have the same heart problem as me. I hate that I gave it to her but I can’t control it. They’ll be running tests in the next few days. We’re staying here for three days and hopefully we’ll get results by the end of the week.

The room was dimly lit by the light over head of Rosie’s bed and the hall lights. I slid my glasses off then put them in my glasses case. My gaze ran over to the infant as she stirred in the bed. Her tiny winces made me jump to her rescue. I slid the baby in my arms and carried her back to my inhabited bed, aka the arm chair. She was still wincing softly. I smiled down at the baby and cradled her in my arms. Her eyes were wide open and looking up at me with a curious and interested expression. On her face I could see she was going to go far in life. She was going to change things, make a difference. She’s going to be a bright young girl with a life full of happiness and joy. Her innocent expression glowed up at me.

“I’m proud of you whoever you will be. I don’t care weather you’re gay, straight, bisexual. I don’t care if you’re tall or short, round or skinny. I don’t care if you’re a boy, girl or someone between. I don’t care if you paint, play music or pose for pictures. If you’re proud of you, so am I. I’m proud of you Peasnie Ann Sullivan for everything you will do in life. I’m proud of you for being you.” I whispered down to her sweetly. Her thin pink lips curled slightly as her eye lids fell down heavily. She looked so peaceful and happy when she sleeps. I wonder what she dreams about.

“You’re my little drummer girl.” I softly said with a nice, gentle voice. She squirmed in her blankets. I held her close to my chest as I kept my eyes closed, trying to get some rest. I felt safer with her in my arms, I liked being able to hear her breathing. I liked being able to feel her moving and breathing under the blankets. She started to whine in her sleep again, making my eyes fly open. I looked down at her and bumped her bottom lightly, letting her know I’m here. She started to cry properly, normal dads would panic but I didn’t. I shifted in the seat and held her close to my heart, so she could hear it beating. I inhaled deeply.

“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Peasnie, happy birthday to you.” I sang in a sing song voice. I rocked her back and forth happily. I stroked her cheek with my index finger softly; her skin was soft and cool to the touch.

I smiled at her as I set her back down in the cot. The little child whined in her sleep slightly, I placed my hand on her belly and rubbed it softly. I hushed her quiet. My gaze flew up to see a nurse coming in with two food trays. She was short and roundish with brown hair and blue eyes. She smiled at me and set a food tray down on the table I’ll be sitting at. She moved over to Rosie and set down the tray. Her blue gaze fell down to the baby girl and smiled sweetly.

“She’s so precious.” The nurse complimented with a soft voice. I smiled widely and nodded.

“She is.” I murmured softly as I sat back down at the table. Peasnie remained still in her sleep. She looked like a china doll, so fragile and innocent. Her milky skin with rosy cheeks looked like they had sparkles and they shined slightly. She had long dark eye lashes that curled beautifully. Her full head of dark hair was hidden under the little hat but some of the thick curls longed from under the pink hat.  

“She looks just like her daddy.” Rosie’s weak voice added from the bed. The nurse nodded and left the room. Rosie sat up in the bed and smiled at the baby girl as she loomed over the edge of the bed. I watched her carefully as I poured the milk into the bowl of frosted flakes.

“You should get some more sleep; Brian’s mom called my parents and said they’ll be here for nine.” I explained sullenly. Rosie pouted at me slightly protesting against me. I wasn’t going to argue with her so if she wants to stay awake then so be it.

“Your friends are coming by this morning?” She asked softly. I finished the bowl of cereal. I honestly couldn’t wait for my parents to come back from the coffee run. They’re bringing coffee and doughnuts. I needed some pastries in me and some coffee. I really need proper human food in me. I nodded and smiled slightly.

“Yeah, my parents just went to get coffee and doughnuts. And your mom went home to get some sleep.” I replied with a calm voice. Rosie smiled and nodded, as she picked at her breakfast. She was picky, that’s one trait I don’t want Peasnie to get. I want her to be opened minded and to try new things. I want her to be a little bit of both of us.