Fiction.

Chapter 41: Changes.

Chapter 41: Changes.

Most people change kind of slowly. They're who they are and then after a while, they're someone else. But some people know the exact moment where their lives changed. They saw the person they were going to marry or the look in their baby's eyes the first time he smiled. For some people, it's not the good things in life that made them change. It's something they've gone through that makes everything they look at from that moment on seem very different from how it had always been.

Two people have changed in my life, my daughter, Peasnie and me. In the last ten months I’ve grown up so much. I went from having everything planned out in life to having not a clue who I was and where I was going or why I was doing it. And now I know who I am and where I’m going. I know why I’m doing it.

I’m a drummer in band because I wanted to make a difference. Weather that band was huge and playing world stages or small and playing in a bar it wouldn’t matter to me just as long as I changed a few lives by doing something I loved. Peasnie helped me find myself; those two words that changed my life forever helped me find myself. The words ‘I’m pregnant’ changed me. I grew up and sorted myself out. I know I lived in a Laundromat and I was living in poor conditions but I was sorted out.

When you become a parent you’re supposed to raise this child with guidance and advice. You’re supposed to help them grow up but in ways they help you grow up too. They make you see where you’re going in life and if you don’t like where you’re going in life then that’s you’re own fault. You’ll have to go back and become the person you need to be instead of the person you want to be. If it wasn’t for Peasnie who knows where I’d be. She’s the reason there is a Rev. The guys might’ve given me the name but Peasnie is the creator. She’s the reason I drum with all my heart, the reason why I never give up. Peasnie is the reason why thousands of kids look up to me.

I sat in the basement of Matt’s house and worked on the record that’s due in eight months. Peasnie was shopping for Christmas presents at the last minute. I had mine done weeks ago, I’m a guy and she’s a girl. I’m not meaning to be stereotypical but shouldn’t it be the other way around?

Johnny laughed hardily and leaned back in his seat.

“Check it out.” He said softly. I smiled widely as the screen saver on my lap top popped up. Of course it was me and my daughter, but it was back when she was eleven months old. She was dressed in a little Iron Maiden tee shirt, bright pink baby pants with her little pink and white shoes. She had longish curly blonde hair that was put into little pig tails. Peasnie sat in my lap, I wore the same shirt but instead of pink pants I wore black board shorts and boots. We were behind my drums and she was helping me play. We both looked really happy and joyful.

“Talk about blast from the past.” He said lively. I nodded with a shy smile.

“Man that makes me feel old.” I muttered from behind the controls. The guys nodded and smirked in response.

“Our little girl is going to be fifteen in a few months.” Brian added happily. I laughed and nodded happily. The guys have always considered themselves Peasnie’s dads even thought they’re her uncles.

“She’ll be all grown up before we know it.” Zack muttered making me feel even older. I’m twenty eight years old and I have a fourteen year old child.

The guys went up stairs for some drinks while I stayed in the basement and worked a little more. My smile faded when I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I sighed and pulled it out; on the screen it said ‘Rosie’, she texted me something. I pressed view and got a sudden whack from reality.

Can’t believe I’m YOUR girl, its taken years and now it’s down to day until we’re a family again. Love you. –Rosie xoxo.

My eyes widened at the message. It was like I got slapped in the face with the truth.

The day I changed for the better was the day Rosie and I parted ways. We will always have to be in each others lives but we will never be happy together. We will always be poison for each other. I did love Rosie, at one point in my life but I don’t any more. Not like I used too. I may always want to be with her but I can’t, we’ll drive each other insane.

She’s careless and relentless while I’m careful and worrying. We come from two separate worlds, we’re too different. She has a bad past while I have a good past.

She’s the mom who walked in and out of her child’s life then banned me, the father from seeing my child. Then she walks out and leaves that child to fend for herself. I’m supposed to keep those kinds of people away from the ones I love and here I am allowing one into my home, for what? To fulfill a silly dream of having an American family. My daughter, my friends and my family, I’m risking losing all of them for this girl. That’s too much to lose for me, if I lose my friends and my daughter I don’t know what I’ll do. Truth be told, she aint worth it.

“Stupid Jimmy, what have you done this time?” I asked myself the million dollar question. I stared at the message blankly. What am I supposed to do now? I don’t want to hurt anyone but no matter what way I go someone will get hurt.

I closed the message when I heard the basement door open and close again, heavy footsteps came down the stairs and Peasnie’s face emerged from around the corner. She suddenly smiled widely.

“What’s up old timer?” She asked in a gangster voice. I laughed and watched her. She came down in the leather jacket I gave her and layered gloves, her glasses were fogged up slightly. She had to go buy new ones. I knew telling her where a good place to fight was a bad idea. She broke her glasses getting punched in the face.

“Nothing really. Just working a little bit before the holidays.” I replied.

“You’re taking the holidays off?” She questioned. I nodded and sighed. Peasnie came and sat down in Zack’s chair, which beside me with a glossy smile. She kicked at the toes of my shoe lightly and laughed when I kicked back.

“Yeah, I’m getting from tomorrow until the eighth of January off.” I muttered. She smiled widely.

“Yeah! That means I get to be a pain in your ass until then!” She cheered happily. I could tell something was bothering her even though she was all smiles and laughs. She had something bothering her.

“How was shopping?” I asked curiously. Peasnie smiled and swayed in the chair slightly.

“Good, it was busy as fuck though.” She replied sullenly. I smiled widely and nodded.

“What’d you get?” I questioned. Peasnie laughed lively and shook her head.

“No way am I telling you, you’re shit at keeping secrets.” She spoke the truth. It was quiet again because there was nothing left to say. Peasnie got up out of Zack’s chair and came over to me as the guys came down stairs with drinks in their hands. Peasnie sat down on my lap and rested her head on my shoulder, her face buried into my neck. I hugged onto her tightly as she felt pathetic. She was really heavy but I didn’t let her know that, I just let her sit on my lap as we worked.