Fiction.

Chapter 27: Results.

Chapter 27: Results.

I frantically dialled the phone number, my hands shaking violently. A puddle of tears fell behind me as I paced around in the basement with rage and despair riddling in my veins. The weary voice answered the phone with a deep but grinding voice. My fragile glass world fell down to the earth below, shattering into billions of pieces.

“We’ve got a problem.” I muttered harshly.

30 minutes earlier. . .

I went down the stairs happily to see Peasnie getting ready to go shopping with Val. They’ve grown closer since we got back; she’s trying to fill the void I promised that would be filled. I feel like it’s my fault that Peasnie won’t be able to trust me for a long time. She’s spending the last week of summer with the older ladies, while I go to the studio to finish up some of the songs. We’re also going to be organizing what’s going to happen next summer, when we go on tour. Peasnie will be staying at Matt’s house until I get back from tour.

I smiled at Peasnie happily; she looked so grown up right now in her pin stripped pants and black tank top. Her high heeled boots added an extra four inches to her. She was now the same size as me. She hadn’t straightened her hair today so it curled slightly, she had two clips pulling back the sides of her bangs, her hair was away from her made up face. She looked all fancy dressed while I wandered around the house in a pair of sweat pants and my slippers, like an old man.

I went through to the kitchen and made myself a cup of coffee; it was only nine in the morning. I took my meds and went back into the living room, examining the mail that was delivered. Peasnie sat quietly and examined me, her gaze locked onto something on my body. Those blue eyes narrowed down on me and she leaned in close. I knew what she was looking at, the tattoo I got when I was fourteen. She smiled widely and her gaze flew up to mine.

“When did you get my name tattooed on you?” She asked curiously. I blushed brightly at her and smiled.

“When I was fourteen, I got it for your first birthday.” I was reminded of that fateful day. It ripped a whole right through my heart.

I sighed heavily, setting the mug down on the table. I rummaged through the coat closet to find the jacket, a jacket I wanted Peasnie to have. It might still be summer in California but when the sun goes down it gets cold and today it’s been raining. I wrapped my fingers around the jacket and pulled it out with great pride. Peasnie was waiting patiently with her hands in her lap. I smiled down at her and handed the jacket to her. She examined the jacket carefully before looking up at me with furrowed eye brows.

“Your Avenged Sevenfold jacket?” She asked curiously. I nodded and pulled my lips further to one side giving her a half assed smile.

“I want you to have it.” I said sweetly. It’s true, she’s apart of this family. She deserves this jacket. I felt good when I saw her slide it on and zip it up half way. It fit her like a glove.

“I love it.”She said. I smiled widely and watched as her blue gaze met mine. I pulled into a nice tight, squeezy hug. I loved getting hugs from her, it’s something I’ve missed but I’m so fermilure too. I craved for her affection.

“Have a good day sweet heart.” I said full heartedly. She pulled away from me smiling widely and kissed my cheek quickly before walking out the front door.

“You too dad, I’ll see you later.” She called back at me. I felt my smile fade slightly as a horrible feeling fell into the pit of my stomach. I wandered over to the window and watched as she climbed into the car. I waved solemnly to her as I watched the car drive away. It made me sad seeing her walk out that front door. One day she’ll walk out that front door and never come back, she’ll be her own person. I don’t want her to be almost fifteen; I want her to be an infant again. I want to hold her in my arms and be the only person who can keep her safe. I want her to look up at me like I’m the most important person on this planet, like when I’m not around the world doesn’t revolve. I want the last fifteen years of my life back so I can do better.

My chain of thought was pulled away when the house phone began to ring loudly. I sighed and went to go fetch it. I tried to put on a happy-go-lucky tone but it sounded forced.

“Hello?” I greeted with a way too sugary sweet tone.

“Hello, Mr Sullivan. This is Doctor Jacobs.” She greeted happily. It was the Doctor from the clinic, this is going to be about the DNA results, we didn’t go in to the clinic until late June, I had Matt come in with us without Peasnie’s knowledge, I don’t want her to know that the guy who’s been denying her might be her dad. I don’t have my doubts; I know I’m her dad. Period end of.  I swallowed hard and held my breath.

“This is about the DNA results, right?” I asked curiously, knowing I was right. There was an eerie silence that came over the phone.

“Yes, this is regarding the results.” She said sullenly after a long moment. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest making it hard to breathe.

“So, what are the results?” I questioned with a serious tone. Again there was an eerie silence. My stomach twisted and turned nervously. I heard her inhaled deeply before speaking.

“It appears Mr Sanders is the father of Peasnie.” That was the most devastating news I’ve ever had. A little girl I’ve devoted my life too isn’t mine. It makes me angry and hurt to know that the little girl’s name that is tattooed on me isn’t mine. I hung up my phone and held it against my face as I stood in the living room quietly. The rage was building up inside of me until I finally snapped, sending the phone flying across the room and the coffee table being thrown over violently. The rage was still bubbling inside me as I damn near broke everything in the house; I was to replace the coffee table and every pillow in the house, except Peasnie’s pillows. I cried angrily out loud as I stormed around the house beyond angry. But when I went downstairs and saw a picture of Peasnie and me sitting on a wall above the piano I felt myself break down, tears spilling down my freezing cheeks. My knees buckled out from under me, sending me tumbling to the ground. I just let out all the pain that was bottled up inside. I’ve been losing so many people lately. Why me? What did I do to deserve this?

I lay on the floor with tears falling from my eyes as I became numb inside, there was no more pain, no more rage; just numbness, a pitch black that filled me up. What am I supposed to do? Matt deserves to know as does Peasnie but I don’t want to give up my baby girl. I don’t care what DNA says, I’m her dad. Always have been, always will be. I can’t think of anybody else raising her. I swallowed hard and picked myself up off the floor and to my feet. I reached inside my pocket to find the cell phone.

I frantically dialled the phone number, my hands shaking violently. A puddle of tears fell behind me as I paced around in the basement with rage and despair riddling in my veins. The weary voice answered the phone with a deep but grinding voice. My fragile glass world fell down to the earth below, shattering into billions of pieces.

“We’ve got a problem.” I muttered harshly.

“What is it?” Matt asked curiously. My heart broke all over again by thinking about it. I inhaled sharply and went on.

“You’re Peasnie’s dad.” I announced quietly. It was quiet again; there was nothing left to say. It was a shock to both of us.

“But she looks just like you, that doesn’t make sense.” Matt added with a stutter. I nodded quickly.

“I know but the results came back and they said she is yours.” I replied with a shaky voice, tears fell down my cheeks sadly as my chest began to hurt.

“I don’t care dude, for all I care I’m Uncle Matt. I don’t want to be a dad, not yet.” His voice was strained. His words put me back together but didn’t hide the cracks; there will always be the knowledge of knowing she’s not mine.