Fiction.

Chapter 38: Star Struck.

Chapter 38: Star Struck.

I have this idea about why people do the terrible things they do. Same reason little kids push each other on the schoolyard. If you're the one doing the pushing, then you're not going to be the one who gets pushed. If you're the monster, then nothing will be waiting in the shadows to jump out at you. It's pretty simple, really. People do the terrible things they do because they're scared. I’ve never truly been scared in life; there is no point in being afraid of something so small when you look at it clearly. Some people are afraid of the dark while others are afraid of heights. I never thought I’d be afraid of something. It’s pointless.

Do you know the feeling of daring yourself to walk across a dark room? That way you're excited, because you know, you really do know that there's nothing there to hurt you. Some people get to choose their dark rooms. They get to look for places where the fear is only skin deep, but some people are nowhere near that lucky.I walked through the dark, in an uncharted room and there was a monster waiting to jump out at me.

We all like to think that we have some control over the events in our lives, and a lot of the time we can fool ourselves into thinking that we really are in charge. But then something happens to remind us that the world runs by its own rules and not ours and that we're just along for the ride.

What makes a man who he is? Is it the worst things he's ever done, or the best things he wants to be? When you find yourself in the middle of your life and you're nowhere near of where you were going, how do you find the way from the person you've become to the one you know you could have been?

When I walked through that unknown dark room with my entire life sorted out and that monster jumped out to scare me but something else happened. The dark room suddenly wasn’t so dark anymore; there was this burning light that made me see the truth. That monster wasn’t really a monster after all; it was all but a hoax. That monster was but a scared little girl who’s been pushed to the ground too many times by an even bigger monster, she was scared so she started doing the pushing to chase away the fear. She walked through many dark, uncharted rooms by herself knowing there is a monster around every corner, in every closet and under every bed. I had people just a phone call away; they could come and hold my hand. She never had that helping hand. I’m her helping hand now; I made that promise to both of us. I guess now my greatest fear is letting go of her hand and failing us both.

I leaned back in the garden chair, my arms folded back behind my head. It was chilly outside but it didn’t bother me. The cool air settled on my skin as I sat in my black slacks and a blue sweat shirt. My toes got tangled in the grass while I gazed up at the star filled sky. The big blue sky was darkened but the tiny little specs that lit up the night sky made it worth watching for hours on end. Some times you’ll see a comet or a shooting star dance across the open air. I always wonder where it’s going or where it’s been, or even how many wishes it’s casted in its brightly lit life.

The back door opened and closed again making me look back at Peasnie as she came over to me with a concerned expression.

“Dad, what are you doing? It’s December and you’re out here with no shoes, a sweat shirt and slacks; you’re going to get sick.” She nagged at me in a mothering tone. I rolled my eyes and smiled at the sky. Peasnie went to the porch and came back with a lawn chair. She had been at a Christmas party with her friends and I assume she just got in. She was all dressed up in a black sequined dress and thick black stockings that made me feel a little more comfortable about the length of the dress. She wore a nice black jacket with buttons that were painted gold. Her hair was down and naturally sleek and wavy. Her makeup was still as nice as when she left.

Peasnie smiled and sat down beside me in the grass, her gaze went up to the sky; mine followed suit.

“You do this too?” She asked curiously. I felt my lips curl into a smile as I looked over to her.

“Of course,” I replied softly. “-I remember when you were a baby I’d sit on the back porch with you on my chest and we’d look up at the stars at night and I’d tell you stories about them. And I’d ask what lies beyond the stars? I never got an answer.” I added slowly. Peasnie looked over at me with wide eyes.

“You’re the one who told me the story about the little star, weren’t you?” She questioned softly, her voice was delicate and soft. I smiled wider and nodded.

“I told that story to you when you were two days old.” I replied quietly. Peasnie sank into the chair as she looked up at the sky with her hands folded in her lap and a serene expression crossed her face.

“My mother always talked to me a lot about the sky. She liked to watch the clouds in the day and the stars at night... especially the stars. We would play a game sometimes, a game called, what's beyond the sky. We would imagine darkness, or a blinding light, or something else that we didn't know how to name. But of course, that was just a game. There's nothing beyond the sky. The sky just is, and it goes on and on, and we'll play all of our games beneath it.” She whispered to me. I grinned from the corner of my mouth. I’m the one who introduced that game to her. Seems like even though I wasn’t in Peasnie’s childhood, I was in ways. I was always apart of her life. Rosie told Peasnie the stories I made up and played the games I started.

“I guess you started that game also.” She whispered. I nodded and heaved a deep sigh.

“When I was on the road I’d always think about the things we could’ve done if you stayed with me. I had big plans for you but looks like you have big plans for you.” I uttered quietly. Peasnie looked over at me with a curious expression, her eye brows were pulled together.

“When you toured to Chicago did you ever just want to come and get me?” She questioned. I nodded slightly.

“I tried thousands of times, even when we weren’t on tour I’d drive down to Chicago to look for you.” I added the truth. I never gave up on my search, even when Rosie told me to stay away. I still looked and tried to fight but I couldn’t. For all I knew she was dead. It was a horrible feeling to think that but at some points I did think it.

“I promise the day I reach toward the sky after I said my Good-byes my heart will be with you. I’ll be the stars in the night; I’ll lend you the light to guide you through.” I whispered softly the lyrics to Gunslinger and part of the first letter I’ve ever written Peasnie. I remember what I said in each letter, word for word. She’s my pride and joy.

I stared up at the sky happily. There are so many questions that lie up in the sky, one day we’ll pick each and every one of them out of the sky and answer it with a ridiculous fact. Sometimes mysteries are best left unsolved. The sky is simply too big and too grand for us to understand it all.

I looked over at Peasnie and smiled weakly at her as if I was cherishing the moment, clinging onto it with all my might. Her blue eyes radiated softly in the dark light.

“What time is it?” I asked curiously. Peasnie froze in her place; I knew what time it was, she was nearly two hours passed curfew. I was seeing if she knew I knew. If she didn’t before, she does now. Peasnie looked over at me and faintly smiled.

“Grounded?” She questioned. I laughed slightly with a wide smile.

“Yep.” I replied.