Fiction.

Chapter 49: Learning to Fly Without Wings.

Chapter 49: Learning to Fly Without Wings.

It’s been two and a half years since I died, it feels like an eternity. There is nothing worse than not being heard or seen. To not be alive but still roam the Earth. It’s harder when you have to watch you’re once full of life daughter turn into a drug addict and not be able to do anything. It’s hard to watch her shoot up a sleeping drug like she was putting sugar on cereal.

A year after I died Matt let Peasnie get a tattoo along with them. They all got something to remind them of me. Matt got the death bat on his hand; Johnny got it on his chest. Zacky got the word ‘Forever’ on his neck while Brian got it on his collar. Peasnie got ‘Promise me you’ll never feel afraid again’ over her heart. I cried so hard when she got it done because she is deathly afraid of needles and she got it done for me.

When they had to clean out the house Peasnie begged them to let her keep the drums, even though she no longer plays them anymore. She gave them up when I died. Sadly she dealt with my death by using drugs. I didn’t raise her right after all. She’s addicted to this stuff that’s street name is Twilight and it knocked her on her ass, she slept for a solid two days. Matt and Val know about it. I also know she’s been cutting again. She’s also lost a lot of weight, what once was tight is now loose. Seeing her in so much pain hurts me, like with every slice she puts on her body she stabs me in the heart. She’s kept her head down and lost everything, she’s not who she used to be. She’s lifeless and quiet.

Peasnie sat in math class that dull afternoon, the grey light filtered into the room brightly. She sat in the very back of the class room, by the window in the corner. She had her hood up and head down. I sat in the empty seat beside her and watched as she struggled with the assignment. She knew how to do this but she had her mind else where. It was the last period before the weekend.

Peasnie wore an over sized grey sweat shirt with the hood up. She wore a pair of dark wash jeans that once fit her loosely; she twirled her foot around the black converse tied tightly onto her feet. I can’t believe she’s going to be eighteen in March. She’s growing up so fast. It’s the last few weeks of school before Christmas.

I smiled and pointed to the question she was stuck on, it was obvious on why she was stuck on it. But she didn’t find anything funny; she never found anything funny anymore. She never smiled. I miss her smile dearly.

“Peasnie, two negatives make a positive.” I whispered to her even though she couldn’t hear me, I talked to people still; it’s a one wayed conversation but my words are their ideas. I smiled even wider when she tapped her pencil against the paper before answering the equation correctly.

Peasnie jumped when the school bell ran, letting the students out for the weekend. She shoved her books into her bag and pulled out her IPod, putting it into her pocket. She slung her bag over her shoulder and across her body before making her way through the busy halls. The teenagers made weekend plans of parties and shit like that. Peasnie was just looking to get the hell out of here. She kept her eyes on the group while I followed behind her. I could hear kids making fun of Peasnie because I died; they told her she was such a loser that I killed myself. I wanted to scream at them to shut the fuck up. Peasnie never seemed to notice, she made her way off school grounds quickly and quietly. She plugged her IPod into her ears and walked quietly down the streets. She kicked rocks and cans with her hands in her pockets. I walked beside her. I knew where she was going; she was going to visit me. I knew this because she visits me every Friday after school because Matt is away with work and Val is usually busy as well so she doesn’t need to worry about getting home late.

We both strolled through the eerie cemetery quietly. Peasnie pulled her ear buds out and shoved them into her pocket. I knew that every time she’s here she expects me to pop out and scream ‘You’ve just been punk’d!’ She lost that hope a long time ago. Peasnie stopped at my head stone and stared at it with such hate and resentment. I could feel her pain coming off of her body.