Supernatural Imagines: Book One

bitches broken hearts

Characters: Dean x Reader

Warnings: angst, dean thinking he isn't good enough

Summary: You've left Dean Winchester but he doesn't know why. He thought everything was going well until you just up and left him. This just proves when he says he is and will never be good enough.

Author's Note: Okay, my baby needs all the love he can get but this fic is not about that. Sorry, Dean. This is based on the song bitches broken hearts by Billie Eilish. Go listen to her if you haven't because she is a demented sweetheart. This is in Dean's POV. This is unbeta'd and any and all mistakes are all on me.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There is a reason why I don't get close to people. Every one of them leaves without any regards to how I feel. I only trust my brother, and I made the mistake of letting her in. She showed up at a convenient time, I have to admit. I had just gotten off a case and there she was, laughing with her friends at the bar.

She looked so beautiful with her head tilted back, hair falling over her shoulders. We made eye contact and she actually came up to me. She was so warm and inviting, it kind of threw me off my game.

We ended up back in my motel room, but in the morning, she wasn't gone. I've never had this happen before. She wanted to stay with me, and despite my best efforts to get her to leave, she wouldn't. When the case was over, I convinced Sam to stay an extra day or two because I wanted to be with her.

She made me feel things I hadn't felt in such a long time. She made me feel good about myself, and I didn't want her to leave. So, I invited her to come back to me and my brother. To my surprise, she agreed. I've never met a woman like her in my life. I mean, there was Cassie and Lisa but with her, we connected on a different level. I think I may have found the person I was meant to be with for the rest of my life.

I thought she felt the same.

You can pretend you don't miss me
You can pretend you don't care
All you wanna do is kiss me
Oh, what a shame, I'm not there

I could pretend I don't miss her after she crushed my heart and left. I could pretend that I don't care about her. Truth is, I care so damn much, it hurts to breathe. I don't know why she left, but one day, she said that I didn't matter to her anymore and left.

I'm still stuck on the memories of the two of us, and every time I close my eyes, all I can feel is her lips on mine. I miss the way she felt in my arms, I miss the way she looked in the morning. I miss every damn thing about her.

Sometimes I feel she only got with me just to break my heart, but I can never know for sure. It hurts to know she's out there, moving on with her life while I'm sitting here, drowning in mine.

What is it you want?
You can lie, but I know that you're not fine
Every time you talk
You talk 'bout me, but you swear I'm not on your mind

I talk about her to Sam all the time. I can pretend like what she did, didn't matter to me but Sam and I both know better. I know he could see how hurt I was despite me denying it every single time.

I guess I'm cursed with everyone eventually leaving me. My parents did, Cassie did, Lisa and Ben did, and I know Sam will. It's only a matter of time before that would happen. It might not be voluntarily but one day, I won't have my brother with me anymore just like I never had her.

Somebody new
Is gonna comfort you like you want me to
Somebody new
Is gonna comfort me like you never do

Every now and then, it hits me
That I'm the one that got away
But I guess being lonely fits me
And you were made for begging, "Stay"

I can only picture her with someone new, holding her like I did, kissing her how I did. I think she might think the same about me but she knows people don't come into my life easily. She knew how broken I was when she met me and yet, she left me like the rest of them.

I found myself constantly longing after her; she seemed too good to be true. I guess I didn't try hard enough because even though she was the one who left, I feel like I was the one who truly got away. I didn't beg her enough.

Stay.

Stay.

That's what I would always say to her but she didn't. It just proves to me that I'm not good enough to have people stay. I guess I'm just not worth it.