LISA'S POV
Araw-araw pinipilit ko lang ang sarili ko na pumasok pero ang totoo nyan pagod na ako sa lahat ng bagay. Pagod na ako physically, emotionally and mentally.
Sa araw-araw kong pagpasok kahit papano siniswerte ako na walang kahit ni anino nina Jennie at Jisoo ang nakikita ko.
Pero marami akong gustong sabihin kay Jennie na pakiramdam ko'y hindi ako magiginhawaan hangga't di ko nasasabi ang mga 'to. Hindi pa ako handang makita sya. Lalong-lalo na ang makaharap sya at makausap kaya napagdesisyunan kong sulatan na lang siya.
Pumunta ako sa building nina Xyrene para iabot sakanya ang sulat na gusto kong ipabigay kay Jennie. Alam nila ang nangyayari at sa katunayan nga'y umaasa silang maayos namin ni Jennie ang bagay tungkol sa aming dalawa. Mas gusto raw nila ako para sa kaibigan nila.
"Lisa!" tawag pansin sakin ni Xyrene kaya napaangat ako tingin dahil nakayuko at walang gana akong naglalakad.
"Uh- uhm, hi." tipid kong sabi.
"How are you?" malungkot na tanong nya sakin while tapping my shoulder.
"I honestly don't know" pagpapakatotoo kong sagot at nagkibit balikat na lang.
"Basta, do know that we're just here for you, okay? Maging kami hindi naman sang-ayon sa mga ginagawa ng kaibigan namin ngayon pero wala kaming magawa dahil buhay nya yun. Sya pa rin ang magdedesisyon." pailing-iling nyang sabi na may lungkot sa mukha.
"Thanks. Pakibigay na lang ito sa kanya." abot ko sa kanya sa letter na ginawa ko.
"Sure, asahan mong makakarating 'to sa kanya." pag assure nya sakin.
"Salamat ulit. Mauna na ako." binigyan ko lang sya ng pilit na ngiti at tumalikod na para maglakad paalis.
Pumunta na ako sa building namin para pumasok na sa klase.
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FLASHBACK
Nakaupo ako ngayon sa study table ko habang nag iisip isip. Hindi pa ako handa na makita si Jennie. Pakiramdam ko ay madadagdagan lang ang sakit pag nakita ko sya dahil ipapamukha lang sakin na 'yan ang babaeng mahal mo pero di na talaga mapapasayo'. Pero ang dami kong gustong sabihin sa kanya.
Bigla kong naisip na pwede kong isulat ang mga gusto kong sabihin sa kanya at ipabigay na lang ito kay Xyrene.
Kumuha ako ng papel at nagsimula ng magsulat.
To my Nini,
That moment when I first saw you, I honestly didn't see things coming. That moment when I approached you and then talked to you? I know to myself that it's just one of those typical conversations I'm having with anyone else. I'll start a conversation hoping that it will comfort someone who's sad, I'll receive a 'thank you' then I'll say 'you're welcome' and that's it. But that conversation I had with you, it's actually something new. And I didn't expect that it will come to the point that I'll have this kind of feelings for you.
You know that I built a wall to guard my heart, but I just let you break it for some reasons that you will know as you read this.
There are times that I'm thinking about it. The thing that we had. If it's real. But one thing is for sure, I really did love you. Yes, things were too fast. And that time, it's too early to tell but what can I do if somewhere between our conversations and moments together I just fell in love with you. I loved you and I still do. I love you that it hurts. Because I know that I can't have you and that I will never have you. It's real that it doesn't fade in just one snap. But yes, it is the kind of love that is selfless. The kind of love that is willing to let you go if that is the right thing to do. The kind of love that will let you be happy, where you'll truly be happy. The kind of love that will not ask for something in return. It's not the kind of love that is selfish. Not the selfish kind of love that will force you to stay for my own good. I don't want anything for you but to be genuinely happy because that is what you really deserve.
I feel like I've lost myself during the process of helping you to find yourself. Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming you, not at all. Because we both know that I insisted, to always be there for you, to make you happy, to stay. And I know to myself that my goal which is to make you happy includes fixing you, helping you to find yourself, to pick your broken pieces and be whole again. From the very start I know that there is a possibility that I'll get hurt with your broken pieces. I know that during the process of fixing you I'll get shattered. But I love you, and that's enough reason for me to give it a try. I love you that I badly want to see you healed, to see you whole, to see you happy. I'm willing to do everything even if I'll just get hurt in the end. Well, there is a half probability that everyone will just hurt us, we all know that. We just have to pick someone deserving for you to get hurt. And I didn't mind getting hurt by your broken pieces, Jennie. I didn't mind getting hurt by you.
I have no regrets. I didn't regret everything, from the moment we've started talking until you've decided to stop the thing between us. I didn't regret and will never regret, the happiness I've felt and the pain I've had. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I wasn't good enough. I'm sorry if I had shortcomings. I'm sorry if there were times that I made you feel uncomfortable with my shits. But I hope that somehow I made you happy. I hope that somehow I made you realize that there is something good in this life. I hope, I really do hope that I made you feel that your life is precious and a blessing. Thank you. Do know that you were once my home, place that gives me comfort. That you were once my moon that gives light to my darkest hours. That you were my most favorite kind of sunset who waits for me after a long tiring day. That your voice calms my storms. That your laughter puts a smile on my face. Thank you, Jennie. Thank you that with your existence I was able to see the beauty that the universe could give. That even just for once I wasn't blinded by its problematic stuff. Your life is something that everyone should be thankful for. I hope I made you realize that.
I think we're just really one of those unfinished businesses of this universe
We're just really meant to be each others almost's
But,
You're my almost that I will never forget.
You're my almost that I will wish to be something that is more than just an almost.
That is why I'll wait. I'll wait for you even if I know that there's a possibility that I'm just waiting for nothing. Do know that I'll accept you with an open arms when you feel like coming back to me. There's a home that is waiting for you.
I love you, Jennie. And I always will.
- Your Lili
END OF FLASHBACK
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A/N: Naiyak ako habang binabasa ulit yung letter hahahaha Matagal na rin nag eexist ang letter na yan kagaya nung poem sa chapter 21. At pareho ko silang isinulat para sa isang tao. Binago ko lang yung last part ng letter sa story hehehe
Here's the origal
I think we're just really one of those unfinished businesses of this universe
We're just really meant to be each others almost's
You're my almost that I will never forget.
You're my almost that I will wish to be something that is more than just an almost,
but ironically,
you're also my almost that I wish to be something that will just stay still as almost.
Because you deserve better
Someone better than I am
Something better than I could give
Someone and something that are good enough so that things will not just stay as almost
I am happy that you're already working out your future, good luck. I know you'll do good. Take care always.
Potek naiiyak ako guys HAHAHAHA
BINABASA MO ANG
Kind of Love that Stays | JENLISA
Fanfiction"My love for you is here and here to stay." - Lisa "I take one step away and I find myself coming back to you, my one and only you." - Jennie This my first time to write a story so expect that there are some errors. But I hope that you guys will enj...
