The Christopher {an outsiders story}

20. depression

it took me everything to get off the pavement and onto my feet. my brain was still processing what had just happened. i felt terrible because i didn't cry for him. i broke down but i didn't cry. now i know i'm an emotionless hoodlum.

i walked back home. i had to go back to Johnny and Pony. they probably started the movie by now.

i slowly approached the door to the house, but Pony already opened it before i could. "where were you? we finished the whole movie already," Pony asked. then he got a good look at my eyes. my eyes show my mood. i don't know why, but Darry always says he can tell my mood because of it.

"what's wrong? and you can't say nothing because your eyes can't lie," Pony questioned me. i couldn't tell the truth, Johnny would be heartbroken. he cherishes Dally like Two-bit with mickey mouse. but 10x more. "um, i found out that Sodapop had to work late again," i lied. "tell the truth," Pony glared at me. "how can ya tell i was lying?" "you're too cold to be sad over that." well, Pony's got a point.

i finally got away from that horrible interrogation. Pony wouldn't shut up. Johnny just sat on the couch being his quiet self. i spent the entire day in my room, smoking. i always do that when i'm stressed out. all of a sudden, Soda came running into my room. "have you already heard the news?" he said excitedly. "it can't be that good, i also have some news," i say sadly. "you go first." "fine. Dally got shot by the police while he was robbing a store. i don't know if he's gonna make it," i blanky say.

Soda stood there for a couple minutes before quietly saying, "i knew you lovebirds like each other." i look up at him with a hostile stare. "no, i don't actually." Soda leaned on the door frame. "you don't scare me none. you can't deny it either: you like him a lot," he smirks. "i told you, i don't." "you got stoned for him," he pointed to my 1 empty pack lying on the floor. i just glared at him. "well don't be dumb and go visit him!" Soda almost yelled. i immediately hopped off the ground and ran out the door.

i sprinted all the way through town without getting jumped. i was very proud of myself cuz that ain't easy to do. i crossed the street and stopped in front of the hospital.

i wanted to go in, but my feet wouldn't move. i think i was scared, or nervous. my brain was doing the worst thinking, what if Dally already died? what if i never see him again? what if i actually do have feelings for him?

when i finally opened the door, i got lots of stares. then i looked down at my white shirt. it had bright red blood stains on it. how the hell could Soda let me go out in this? how could i not notice.. and how did i get this stain? ok ok enough of these questions.

i find the courage to ask the receptionist if i could see Dallas Winston. she said it could be awhile. i knew that couldn't be good.