When we first met . . .

Chapter 9🥀

I sit in his car, we are both staring at each other, he is slightly smirking at me, and I can't help myself, I want him so bad. If he doesn't want me to jump on him now, he needs to stop with the smirking and the hotness. Before I do anything I can't back from, I stop and think.

What if I never see him again? Is this just a one-time thing? I know myself if we go all the way I will want more, and he can't give me more. It will end up hurting me in the face and him just moving on to the next stupid girl who falls for him.

"Wait, What is happening?" He asks after a moment. I stare at him. I swallow the lump in my throat for the third time today taking a deep breath. I exhale and close my eyes.

"Can we go over to your place?" I ask. Fear creeping on my body, what if he says no? he says nothing and I slowly open my eyes to see him smirking at me again.

oh, fuck you, Shawn Mendes. I thought i told you to stop. my breathing quickens, he still hasn't answered me.

"Are you sure?" he smiles and his eyes change from desire to hunger, holy shit. "I don't want you to feel like I'm making you do something you don't want to do" he says.

Is he kidding me? "Yeah like someone would ever say no to you" I murmur. he looks at me surprised with my reaction and so am I, I didn't mean to say that aloud.

Shawn bits his lower lip, looking pleased with this whole situation.his eyes change once again but I can't tell what he's feeling now. "Ok, let's go," he says finally. and we drive over to his house. excitement runs through me as I watch him drive. he looks so hot driving. I try not to think about what's about to happen, I don't think I'll be able to resist him, now in the car if I'll think about it for too long. but my mind betrays me and I watch him driving and I'm practically drooling.

20 minutes have passed, kind of fast, if I'm honest, I'm about to get out of the car, but again, he beat me to it and opens the door for me. I smile as I walk out of the car. I look around and my face falls. A hotel.

Wait what? He took me to a hotel? what is that supposed to mean?

"Where are we?" I ask, why are we here?

"This is the hotel I'm staying at, until my next concert." He clarifies. Oh. My face falls again, he doesn't live here, I for a moment forgot he is here just for the concert, how could I forget that? He is probably here only for a few days... maybe even less. That's it. I knew it. I will never see him again.

I'm starting to regret this, I'm starting to rethink this, maybe it wasn't the best idea. If I won't be able to see him afterward, do I even want to do this? I know myself, I get attached way too quickly, how will I be able to let him go if we go all the way? I can't do this. I take a deep breath.

"Wait," I say standing in front of him looking up so I could stare at his eyes. I need a minute to think.

He is famous, how come he isn't scared about this all? what if someone sees us walking into the hotel together? what if people will assume stuff? what if they'll get a picture of me and I'll get viral and famous and everyone will hate me?

Why am I the only one nervous? I don't want to ruin his life if any paparazzi finds us and takes a photo, rumors will fly and everyone will talk about it. I now know that he is really famous, I saw how many people came to his concert and that was only one show... people know him. he is really famous. I'm just starting to realize it now. He is actually fucking famous. People know him. He's like Ariana Grande or Kim Kardashian. This means I will be famous and everyone will be talking about me. I just can't do this. This was a mistake.

I start to breathe heavily and to shake, I feel like the air is running out. I think I'm having a panic attack. I try to steady myself. but the air is running low and I can't breathe.