When we first met . . .

Chapter 21🥀

When I get back to the room after my conversation with Shawn, Everyone is already asleep. Maya and Rachel are passed out on the couch Michel is on the floor and Ben is nowhere to be seen.

I walk to the bathroom taking a long shower letting the hot water wash away all of this day off me.  Letting the steam and the heat to relax my body.

When I get in bed I let the conversation I had with Shawn come back to me. I think about how hurt he sounded. How even though he sounded so hurt and angry with me, he still gave me a chance to prove myself.

I can't stop myself and I call him.

"Hello?" He answers.

"I'm sorry I'm calling you again but I just wanted to say that I really want to kiss you right now. I'm sorry if you hate me or whatever but I just.. I really miss you. I'm really sorry that I hurt you. I never meant to hurt you, I forgot you told me you had a show and when I called I was a bit drunk and I'm just so sorry for treating you like this. You don't deserve any of this. goodnight" I'm about to hang up but his voice stops me.

"Wait" I feel my body tensing

I put the phone back in my ear and I listen to him. "I don't fucking hate you," He says. "You don't?" I whisper. My relief is visible in my voice. "I really miss you too." He says. My heart clenches.

"Really?" I ask I  can't hide the hope in my response.

"I wish I could be with you right now" He whispers into the phone letting me know he cares. Tears are starting to fill my eyes

"So you don't hate me?" I hear his beautiful laugh.

"No. I don't hate you." I exhale. "I'm sorry for being so mean to you. I was just so confused and about to go on stage and I never had to deal with things like this before, it was all very stressful. I know you didn't mean to kiss that guy. You explained and I believe you. I'm really happy you told me the truth. That means you really care about me too."

"I really do"

"Ok, I'm a little tired I had a really hard day. So I'm gonna go to sleep. Goodnight" He says.

"Goodnight, Shawn."

He hangs up.

I really wish I could kiss him. I want him. Why isn't he here with me? I miss him way too much.

I feel so grateful for having him. My heart swells and I couldn't be happier. I look at the ceiling hugging the pillow I took from Rachel's bed, wishing it was Shawn and I slowly fall asleep.

I wake up in the morning. It's 11 a.m. I get up and the first thing I feel is my head, hurting and thumping. The room is spinning and I think I might throw up again. after a few minutes that I gave my head to adjust I get up deciding I should take another shower. Start the day fresh. When I walk out of the shower, I'm feeling much better, my head hurting less and The room isn't spinning anymore. I look at my phone, seeing I have 3 new texts from Shawn.

-          "Hey. Can't sleep. Are you awake? Wanna face time?" –

He sent me this at 3 a.m. about an hour after we ended our call last night. He is so sweet. Oh my god. I can't believe I kissed a different guy when I have this perfect man.

-           "Ok, so I guess you're asleep. I hope I didn't wake you. Goodnight" -

My smile is wide.

-          "I have a week with no shows next week. I'm thinking about coming over..? what do you think?" -

A week with no shows? I didn't know that was a thing. And he is thinking about coming here? To see me? What about his family?

-          "Hey. Sorry I didn't answer you... I was asleep.  Don't you want to visit your family on your week off? You don't need to come here especially for me." –

I feel bad for even thinking about asking him to come over instead of going to visit his parents. He probably misses them a lot.

I go to the kitchen and the apartment is a freaking mess. Maya and Rachel are still asleep on the couch like expected. Alex is still in bed. I didn't see Ben when I got home last night so I guess he is in his room, and Michel is just gone. Don't know where he is.

I walk over to the fridge and I take out a bottle of water.

"Hey" I hear Maya's voice. I turn around and I see her walking over to me to the kitchen. She makes herself a tea. I forgot Maya likes to drink tea in the morning. What a weirdo.

"Hi," I say back. Is it wrong that I don't feel comfortable around her right now? When I look at her now I don't see her the same way I have. She used to be my best friend forever. And now it feels like 'forever' is over-rated.

"Do you want to go for a walk?" she asks.

"Not really. I have homework to do." I tell her.

"Ok, Lili. get the fuck over it. I'm sick of you acting like a bitch to me. I'm going through some shit right now and I really need my friend to support me. Just get the fuck over it. I did a mistake but that's it. What you don't do mistakes? I can name you a dozen times you did things that hurt me and I forgave you for it every single time. Just... I need my friend right now. Can you do that for me?"