When we first met . . .

Chapter 49🥀

~ back to the present // Continuation of chapter 43 ~

"Hey Lili, can you- oh shit" Maya walks in the room. "Are you ok?!" She asks, climbing into the bed sitting next to me.

"I'm fine," I say as she is hugging me barley letting me breathe.

"Shawn?" She asks. "Yeah..." I say letting out all the air I was holding in.

"Did you tell him about the..." She asks. "I did."

"And how did he take it? Did he want you to keep it? Or...?"

That's when it hit me. I stare at her. I want to scream at her. She thinks the baby is Shawn's. I never told her who is the father. I mean, was the father.

It was obvious for me, and I didn't think I had to mention it. When she started to ask questions about what happened, I explained to her that I found out I was pregnant and Shawn and I fought over it. I didn't tell her more than that. I feel stupid. I just totally ruined Shawn's good name. He wouldn't leave me in my condition, he would never do this to me.

But he did.

"Maya, the baby wasn't Shawn's," I say. She stares at me in shock. She was clearly not expecting that statement to come out of my mouth. "You cheated on him?" She asks in complete disgust "No. Oh my god. It was Darren's" I say exhausted. The look on her face. I wish she would at least try not to look so... ashamed at me.

"What?" She opens her eyes as if seeing me for the first time "You cheated on Shawn Mendes?  With your ex? Are you fucking stupid?!" She asks, her voice high pitched and I think she is about to cry. "No wonder you guys broke up," she says. I stare at her, not believing she would say that to me. I didn't fucking cheat on him. I would never cheat on anyone.

"You cheated on Shawn?" Rachel walks into the room screaming in disbelief. Alex walks in as well gasping out loud.

Oh, fuck my life.

"No. You guys. I didn't fucking cheat on him." I say staring at Maya. She is so fucking stupid sometimes.

"But you said...." I stop Maya "it was from before I even met Shawn," I say.

Maya looks embarrassed. Her cheeks turning red with shame. She knows she did a mistake.

"Wait so you guys didn't break up? If you didn't cheat on him? What happened?" Alex asks.

I have no idea how to react right now. I want to tell them, but I am so ashamed in myself, and with Shawn reacted... I can't tell them about it. It'll give him a bad name and I just can't do that to him. Even though I hate him so much, I still have feelings for him. "Yes. We did break up. But not because I cheated on him for god's sake." I say.

"Then what happened?" Rachel asks climbing to Maya's bed on the top next to me. Alex follows her.

I don't want to tell them. I don't feel like I want to open this up. I didn't even tell Maya the whole story. Well, I told her most of it.

"Lili you can't hide forever. You will need to tell us one day" Alex says.

Rachel's phone vibrates. She looks at it and then straight at me. "What it is?" I ask.

"Nothing," She says shaking her head trying to hide whatever massage she just got.

"Tell me." I insist.

"Fine. Shawn started a Live on Instagram" Rachel says opening her phone.

"Give me that," I say taking her phone watching the life.

"Let's give her a sec," Maya says, They all nod getting out of the room.

I open his Live, Not sure I really want to see him. I thank god this is Rachel's phone and not mine, so he doesn't know I'm watching his Live.

"So I wanted to talk about all the rumors lately about me dating someone.. and about my love life," Shawn says laying down on his bed looking a bit sad. I thought his manager told him he wasn't allowed to talk about this. If this gets out it will be huge. If he says my name I will flip out.

"Just to be clear if you don't know, there were some photos of me with a girl at a trampoline world that got viral about a month ago... I think they were taken about maybe 3 weeks ago? never mind..." He shakes his head fluffing his hair, making it obvious he is nervous. "I just wanted to say she is a friend of mine. Nothing more than that. I thought I'd make it clear for you guys... I know there are so many rumors and shit. But there is nothing going on between that girl and I. We are actually not really talking right now but..." I can't believe he is talking about me. I don't know if I'm feeling sad or if I'm feeling glad.

"She is not famous or anything so it doesn't really matter who she is. So... yeah just wanted to calm down all the rumors about me and this new girl... I read some speculations you guys had on tweeter... and well no. Not true. I don't think we'll ever be together... so.... don't hold your hopes up." he says

I can't take this.

-          "Can you call me?" –

I take my phone texting him while I'm still watching the Live.

"So yeah.. just wanted to." His facial expression changes and I know he got my text. "Uh...." Shawn looks confused sitting down immediately. "guys sorry this was so short I have to go. Bye love you guys, Just wanted to clear things out for some of you..." He ends the Live and I'm not kidding 3 seconds later My phone vibrates, and he is calling me.

I take a deep breath. Is this even a good idea? "Hello?" I answer before I change my mind.

"Hi"

"I was watching your Live," I say not really knowing the reason I called

I think about what he said:

'There is nothing going on between that girl and I. We are actually not really talking right now but...'

'I don't think we'll ever be together...'

I shake my head not wanting to think about what he said.

"Look I-"

"Hey, are you ok?" Maya walks into the room, realizing I'm on the phone. "Oh oops. Sorry, I just saw the Live was over so you... yup ok I'm going." She whispers and walks out.

I return my attention to Shawn, even though he doesn't deserve it. "I'm not mad you wanted to clarify things. Though I'm kind of hurt you said you don't think we will be together..." I tell him honestly.

He lets out a loud sigh. "You know that's not true. You know how I feel about you." He says. "I'm sorry, I didn't know how to handle everything.. my life is pretty much a mess now. I'm sorry for the way I acted. I know I was a jerk."

"I tried to talk to you, I didn't know what to do, I was confused and I needed you, your help. Your advice, your understanding, and instead you just told me to leave, you decided to shut me out, you flew away, leaving me, alone, still fucking pregnant with no idea what I should do with my life, and I needed you. I fucking needed you, and you didn't care about me. My life was a mess too. But you didn't care."

"A few minutes before I left I was already on the plane and I thought about it. And I was so stupid to leave you like this, I realized how stupid I was. I was drunk and hurt, and I had no idea what to do now. I tried to call you. You didn't answer. And I was told to turn my phone off so I couldn't call you again. But since then every free second I had I tried to call you and tell you how much I'm sorry. I understand I did a mistake. But you didn't answer your phone, so I thought that you were done with me" He says.

"Shawn. I don't know what I want. I'm confused. I-" I was about to tell him that I love him... but I think this is moving too fast. I can't say it to him again. He was so cold and heartless when I told him how much I care for him. "but after what happened you really fucking hurt me. I was going through some shit, and I had no idea how I was supposed to handle the situation. And I didn't know if I was able to tell anyone, talk to someone about this because you are fucking famous and if I would have told someone it might have gotten out... And you just... left me. As simple as that. You broke up with me. I was devastated. I still am" I say opening up to him.

"I regret treating you the way I did... I was so sad, I was hurt. I drank so much I was still hangover when I got to the airport... I know now I was an asshole. I just didn't know how to handle this. It wasn't me, I'm not like that. I never acted that way before, in my life. It was a moment of weakness. And I'm really sorry." he says and I believe him.