When we first met . . .

Chapter 41🥀

Shawn takes his shirt off.. and he pushes me so his on top of me and we are both laying down on the bed.

"I didn't bring a condom," he says. I start to laugh. Well, actually I'm on the pill. But just to make sure, I say "I'm sure my roommates have I'll go check." I say and I try to get out of his hold.

Never in my life was it so tight and uncomfortable to lie in my bed. But I like it for some odd reason. I get off him and he pulls me back into him. He kisses me again "Hurry" I smile at him. I go to the bathroom and look in drawers. I can't find any condoms.

I go back to the room "I can't find any condoms that's weird I thought one of them would have..." I say. I look over and I see Shawn already naked. Oh my god! I cover my eyes. I did not expect that. "Do you want me to go buy some?" He asks. Putting his boxers back on. I laugh.

"What? no, Shawn." I climb into the bed sitting next to his perfect almost naked body.

"So what are we going to do? Every second I see you I get just harder and harder" He says. I start laughing, He is making me embarrassed. I think this was the first time he dirty talked. Oh, nope. I was wrong, He did it once last week over FaceTime. It's just so odd hearing him talk like that. "Let's just- Shawn I'm on the pill... I told you this.. but you know what? Your right. You can never be too safe. I'll go buy some. But we don't have a lot of time I'm guessing my friends will be back in an hour maybe an hour and a half." I say. "so never mind... we can survive this," he says. Wait, what?

"There is a pharmacy on campus. I'll be right back." I giggle.

"Let's just do it now..." he sits down kisses me, harder and more passionately "Ok ok I'm going" I push him off. He groans and I laugh at his reaction. I put my shirt on, take my wallet and my phone "Wait here, I'll be here in 10 minutes" I tell Shawn before I leave.

On my way to the Pharmacy I think about my period, I remember I was kind of sad when Shawn told me his plans have changed and he will be coming now because My period was supposed to start a few days ago, but it didn't. wait, I don't remember having my period for a while. I don't remember having my period last month either... I didn't even notice. I guess I was so excited about what was happening in my life. I walk over to the pharmacy we have on campus and I buy a box of condoms.

At the pharmacy, I ask the pharmacist what does she think about me not getting my period and filling a bit dizzy the last couple of days. Maybe I'm sick. Maybe I have this really bad disses and-

"I think you should get a pregnancy test." She says. "What?!" That never occurs to mind as a possibility. I remember briefly Alex and Ben mention it a few hours ago. "This makes no sense, He uses condoms and we started dating only a month ago" I'm trying to think if we ever had sex without a condom and well, I honestly don't remember.

I bought 2 pregnancy tests, just to make sure I'm not pregnant.  I go to the pharmacy's bathroom. I pee on the stick and I wait. And wait. And wait, seriously this is taking forever,

5 minutes have passed... well?

I look at the stick.

Fuck.

I rip open the second box, and pee again. I wait.

5 minutes. I look at the stick.

FUCK.

I sit on the floor. What the fuck does this mean?

I run back to my dorm. "Hey, Baby is that you?" Shawn asks. His words strike me. Baby?! Oh no I have a baby. "Yeah, it's me," I say completely freaked out.

Shawn walks out of the room with his boxers looking super hot. as I see him, I remember to lock the door, no one except me should see this. This should be for my eyes only. "Is everything ok?" He asks. I take a deep breath. "Yeah... everything is..." I swallow the lump forming in my throat. "fine" he looks at me, and he can see right through me, he knows everything is the opposite of fine.

"Ok... then what are we waiting for? No time... You said it" He says walking towards me trying to pull my shirt off.

Maybe I was wrong. He can't read right through me.

"I need to tell you something" I move his hands off me. I can't believe I'm about to say this. But he has to know. This is going to change everything. He is fucking famous if this gets out... everyone will be talking about it, oh fuck me.

How did I get myself into this mess? I'm fucked.

"What? No condoms? It's fine, We can just watch a movie or something." he says kissing me on the lips walking to the fridge. I gulp.

"Do you want anything to drink?" He asks.

"No thanks" I say. Shawn walks to the couch with a beer in his hand. I change my mind, going to the fridge pulling a bottle of water. "Come sit with me. Let's watch a movie. What do you want to watch?" he says walking over to the couch.

I put the bag with the condoms I bought on the floor. and I go sit next to him. "Hey, I thought you said there were no condoms... so what is in the bag?" He asks.

"I didn't say that- I'm just not feeling like using them tonight," I say. His face grows red, that's not what I meant. "Oh, then why did you go in the first place?" He asks getting closer to me on the couch, kissing my neck. I feel so empty and I just don't know what to do. I feel like I'm about to burst into tears. I'm so scared. What am I going to do? What is he going to do? What if he doesn't want this child? What if he does want it and I don't? What am I going to do? Oh my god.

"Hey, are you ok? you look a bit stressed." He says moving his head to look me in the eyes. "Yeah, I am.." I see Shawn drinking that beer and that smell makes me want to throw up. I cover my mouth with my hand.

"Lili what is going, " He says.

"Shawn, just..." I try to get up and to stand so I could actually talk to him. And say something. but I feel so weak. I can't do this when he is sitting next to me. Looking into my eyes.

"What is it? Lili talks to me." He whispers as I get up.

I close my eyes. "Shawn I'm pregnant" The words are out before I can stop myself,