When we first met . . .

Chaptet 19🥀

Michel and I are on our way back to the dorms.

"You didn't tell me his name" he suddenly says.

"what?" I stare at him.

"I don't know I just thought about it, You earlier said you can't tell anyone about you two... why?"

"it's... complicated. I don't know if we are even still together o not."

"what? Why? Didn't you explain what happened?"

"I have. And he said he thinks I only kissed you to sabotage whatever we have because I think I'm not enough for him"

"well that's bullshit," he says. "right?"

I chuckle. "well, I really don't know what he finds in me, he can be with whoever the fuck he wants why me?"

"dude. Are you stupid? every time you're going to date a new guy you're going to think that?"

"no. he's.... different? I guess"

"Why? What makes hi, different than another guy? What is he like super-rich?"

"um... yeah, I guess you can say that.. money is not an issue for him" I say remembering how much money he spent on me the last time I saw him.

"oh really? Then I guess you're screwed" he says and I shove him playfully. "shut up. You're not making this any better"

"I'm sorry, I'm joking. Listen, there is a reason why he chose you. Don't screw it up." He says. "unless he is some ignorant stupid rich snob"

I laugh. "no Shawn is nothing like that," I say.

"Shawn?" Oh shit. "so your rich snob is called Shawn? Hmm... interesting.."

"stop it," I say shoving him playfully again

Michel and I walk in spotting Alex and Rachel sitting on the couch.

Ben, Jeremy, and Maya are gone.

"Hey, Lili can I talk to you for a sec?" Rachel gets up from the couch walking my way

"I talked to Alex. I think you should talk to her too. She isn't mad. I tried to explain to her what happened." she whispers.

"Thank you" I whisper back.

I take a deep breath. "Hey Alex.. can I talk to you?" She nods and she comes over.

We walk outside, "So... first of all happy birthday," I say apologetically.

"Thanks"

"Ok look. Michel and I just talked, I swear. Nothing is going on between us. I'm going through some stuff lately. Darren and Maya have... been, together. It really messed up with my head. I don't even know what is going on between Maya and me now... and-"

"Ben broke up with her." She says "I think you should talk to her." She adds.

I'm speechless. "Oh. I— I will."

"Ok, so there's that." What the fuck? "look, I know you and Michel are not... whatever. You told me about this guy, I saw how happy you were talking about him and every time he texted you your face glowed. I'm not mad. It was just a shock. And not gonna lie, I was fucking furies with you at first but then Rachel explained. Sort of, and I remembered our conversation in the shop earlier..." she says. "Also, what the fuck is Michel doing here by the way?"

"He came for your birthday. We bought all the decorations and balloons and other shit, um.. and we planned it all night, he came last night by the way...  and when we went to the shop and I ran away... I'm sorry about that.." she chuckles.

"After I ran away I cam here and we waited for you to show up we were already ready with the confetti and everything... when Darren walked in, we thought it was you... but it wasn't"

"yeah no shi"

I laugh. "He wanted me to give him another chance." I look at Alex, she is listening to what I say.

"I told him I have a boyfriend. but he is currently out of town." I clarify "And he didn't believe me... I needed to give him proof that I do have a boyfriend so he will stop harassing me. And I know it was so messed up. And I can't believe I actually did that. But I kissed Michel. I'm truly sorry. And that's when you walked in..." My voice is shaking. Why am I so scared?

"Yeah... Michel told me. When I ran to the bathroom he came after me with Rachel and he explained. As well as Rachel. When I walked in and saw you guys making-out I was hurt, I thought you betrayed me. I'm sorry if I'm selfish or whatever but please don't ever do that again." She says.

"I won't. I promise"

"Good"

we look at each other and we hug.. "So you have a boyfriend?" She asks as she releases me.

"We talked about this" I laugh.

"not many details have been told," She says. "I know he is a guy. And I think that's it. do I know him?"

"No. It's, completed" please don't ask about him... I miss him. And after our earlier talk... I really have no idea what's going to happen from now on.

"Are you ok?"

"Sorry, it's, just... I think we just broke up" I say. "I'm not sure about it."

"Oh my god!! I'm sorry... come here" she takes me into a hug. I push her away. "I'm ok." I stare at her. "I just need a glass of water" she nods and follows me to the kitchen.

"Are you sure you're ok?" She asks.

"Yes I'm fine" I sip. "I told him, about Michel. And what happened with Darren. He was really hurt. I don't think he wants to be with me anymore. I know I did a mistake." I say softly.

"I'm sorry to hear that. But at least you've been honest with him. If he is a good guy, he will appreciate that you told him. And if he wants to be with you. He won't give up on you so quickly"

"Thank you, Alex." I needed to hear that.

We hug again and we go back to sit with Rachel and Michel.

"Are you ok?" Rachel asks. Who is she asking?

"Yes, we're fine" Alex answers before I can.

We sit on the couch and a few moments later Maya walks in. She wanders over to us and sits next to the couch on the floor.

We both look at each other. We hear a door slamming and we all look at the door to see Ben and Jeremy walking in. It's getting really awkward.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY" Ben and Jeremey yell and pop the confetti they brought with them. Wow.

"We didn't know how much time you needed to chill down before we came back. Is now a bad time?" Jeremy asks. Alex gets up and runs to give them hugs. Michel and Rachel go to the fridge and take out the beer I guess they put back after Michel and I left... We all just hang out and have some drinks. I totally need this.

Michel puts some music on and we start to dance.

'Because I had you ' by Shawn came on.

I can't help but listen to the lyrics and feel like the lyrics are talking about him and me, or just me..  or just him...  I don't know.  I kind of like this song, I listened to it after the party. I already know most of his new songs. I recognized it immediately.

After a few more songs and a few more drinks, I go to my bed sitting on my bed. Wishing I haven't been so stupid.

I want to talk to him so badly.