When we first met . . .

Chapter 33🥀

Everyone is here, Ben, Jeremy, Alex, Rachel, and Maya. I feel scared. Am I really going to tell them? I can't do this... I feel the sickness coming and crawling up my throat. No, I can do this.

"Are you ok?" Jeremy asks concerned.

"Yeah... I'm fine" I say. Who am I kidding! I don't even sound fine. I'm terrified and I feel horrible. Jeremy walks up to me. I'm just standing there, frozen.

"Are you ok? What is going on?" He whispers.

"I don't know... I think I'm just scared."

"Lili you are starting to scare me.... what is happening?" he gets even closer. "Is it about.." he turns around to check no one is listing before he whispers. "Ben and I?"

"No." What? I almost forgot about it. I catch Maya's eyes on and I feel suddenly so suffocated. I push him away from holding me, making everyone stare at me.

"What did you want to tell us?" Rachel asks.

"Ok..." I take a big breath. Jeremy is sitting next to everyone and I look at him.... and I just can't do it.  "Uh.... one moment," I say and I go aside.

I open my phone and I start texting Shawn. Before I send it I delete it. What am I doing? This is stupid. I'm way overreacting. These are my friends. I shouldn't fear them.

My phone ping and there is a text from Shawn. How did he know?

-          "Don't be scared. I'm here for you. I believe in you. And of course, I'm not mad. Just try to breath"  -

I reread his text not understanding how he knew I needed to hear this now. I take his advice and I breathe. Ok... I can do this. I have to do this. I go back to everyone, again. "Ok guys, this is a bit hard for me to tell you..." I inhale.

"Oh my god you're pregnant" Rachel jumped getting me by surprise. What? I laugh out loud.

Thank god for that comment it really eased my mood,

"What? No. Why would you think I'm pregnant?!"

"I don't know... you wanted to tell us something... to all of us. You said it's important... so I just assumed that..." Is she kidding? "that I'm pregnant..?" I laugh again. this is ridiculous.

"I don't know..." she says all defensive.

"Ok, I'm not fucking pregnant. You can relax." I breathe trying to calm down my laughter. "Ok, so what I wanted to tell you guys is-"

My phone vibrates, and I look at it: Shawn is calling me. What the-

"One moment..." I say walking to the bedroom, confused by his phone call. Did something happen?

"Hello?"

"Listen, my manager told me that he thinks it's a really bad idea to tell people about us. So if you want to tell your friends it's fine but they can't talk about this with anyone. Not yet at least. I just talked to him and he thinks it's crazy to do this while I'm still on tour, and we can't really be together and you know, we haven't been talking that much. My manager said that the pictures are just something that will be forgotten by tomorrow... He thinks I should just ignore the whole thing about the photos as you said."

"ok, so do you still think it's ok for me to tell my friends? Are you sure?" I whisper.

"Yes. I'm sure, I know my life can be a little intense, and I'm sorry for all this."

"What? No. This is not your fault." I say. "If you aren't comfortable with my friends knowing about us, I won't tell them."

"No, It's fine, I already told my friends." He says

What? My hand moves to my mouth in shock. He told his friends. To who? Excitement bloom inside me.

"Go back to your girls' night, and have fun. I'll meet you tomorrow, let me know how it went. Goodnight."

"Goodnight" I hang up.

I walk back to my friends, they look pissed as fuck. I don't blame them.

"Look it's getting late and we are just sitting here doing nothing. I thought this was supposed to be fun, having drinks talking I don't know." Alex says.

"I kno-" I start saying Ben snaps at me.

"Can you fucking tell us whatever that it is you want to tell us already? And we can get out of here?" He's mad. He looks sat Jeremy and his cheeks turn pink. I roll my eyes.

"Yeah... this is getting ridiculous... what is happening to you?" Rachel says.

"I don't know... I feel so weird. Like I'm not myself. I need to tell you guys something. And I just don't know how" I say remembering Shawn's words from a minute ago: 'I already told my friends.'

I smile at that thought. Somehow his words make it easier for me to tell them.

"Just fucking say it" Alex shouts.

"Fine. Ok. But you have to keep it a secret. It will be very hard for you guys to keep it a secret. But please... I beg of you"

"Oh my god. Just tell us" Maya sneers.

"First you have to promise me" they have to promise me not to tell anyone.

"Ugh for god's sake. I Promise" Jeremy says.

"Not only Jeremy" I promote.

"Ugh... I fucking promise say it already" Maya says.

"Me too," Alex says.

"Yeah, I promise whatever... just tell us," Rachel says.

"Ben?" I ask

"Are you serious? What is the big deal? Are you really pregnant? Is that the big secret?" He asks.

I laugh again. what is with them and me being pregnant? This is hilarious "No. I'm not pregnant, just please promise you won't tell anyone what I'm about to say." He has to promise if he wants me to tell him about Shawn.

"Are you kidding?"

"Ben just fucking say it, God!" Rachel yells at him. "Fine. Chillax... I promise.." he says finally.

"Ok. Good." I take a deep breath. "So... if you guys didn't know... I have a boyfriend now. And I wanted to share with you guys who he is." I say biting my lip.

"Oh my god.... for that you fucking made us promise we won't tell? Are you kidding? I don't care who you are dating. I thought this was serious." Alex says in disbelief.

"Congratulations... can I go now? Don't get this the wrong way Lili it's just I really don't give a fuck about your boyfriend" Ben says getting up.

"It's Shawn Mendes" I finally confess. Jesus. I can't believe I said it out loud. Everyone is glaring at me. Stunned.