When we first met . . .

Chapter 56🥀

My phone vibrates just as I about to leave the room.

-           "Did you get to the hotel? Do you want to go out for lunch?" –

Shawn texts me. I gasp.

-           "Out In public?"  -

Wow. that's a big step. I don't know if I want to. I don't want people to take pictures of me, or harass me while I'm just trying to have fun and walk around the city, maybe eat something.

-          "Yeah... I'll ask Camila to join us too." -

Oh my god. My jaw drops.

-           "Ok"  -

I go back to sit on my bed, thinking about this. Is this really going to happen? I can't even-

-          "Camila said she can't join us... I'll pick you up and we'll go out just us... what room are you in?" –

I don't if I'm more glad that she can't join us or more sad. I take a deep breath knowing I need to deal with my fears. I need to face Shawn. It's been almost 2 weeks, I can't hide forever. I fucking flew to New York to see him. I ain't backing out now.

-          "1738" –

-          "I'll be there in 5"  -

Going out in public with Shawn Mendes... Who would have thought? Every girl's dream coming to life.

I only went out with him once to the trampoline house... it was so fun but also a little uncomfortable. Seeing the photos out there, reading some comments about it. It was so pleasant. Last time, there weren't paparazzi's around, it was someone who took those photos with his phone. But now, I'm sure the paparazzi will be all over us... And it makes me nervous.

I heard a knock on the door. Suddenly fear running through me. What was I thinking? I don't want to see him. I can't.

It was frightening to think that I will actually see Shawn. I didn't see him in a while. Yes, we FaceTimed earlier today, but that's not the same. Notas seeing him in real life. I'm frozen, standing still. I can't get my feet to move.

He knocks again. And my fear just gets worse. This was a mistake. He knocks again, and I know I can't let him wait there forever so I open the door for him and I see him for the first time in 2 weeks. Wow. I gulp. He looks so handsome. "Hi" he smiles showing off his dimples.

"Hi," I say embarrassed not sure how to act. I feel weird seeing him. Should I give him a hug? This is so confusing.

"Are you ready?" He asks after a second of silence. "Yeah" I lie in his face. "let's go," I say and we both walk out. It is so weird not kissing him, holding his hand... It feels wrong. This whole situation feels wrong.

We start walking down the street, In New York. I still can't believe it. People are taking photos with him every second and we barely get a chance to talk. He is so nice to everyone and I like that about him... but come on. Stop being so nice. People are taking pictures of me too and it's making me anxious. People are probably thinking we're together... but I'm ok with that because if people are going to think I'm with someone I'd rather it be Shawn Mendes. The sweetest person I know. I hate him for that. Can't he just be a jerk? It will make this whole -moving on- thing so much easier.

After about 15 minutes Shawn finally gave me some of the attention. "Ok.. maybe this was a bad idea... do you want to go back to the hotel? We can just order room service..." he says. To be honest that sounds sad. But I don't want to disappoint Shawn. He's done so much for me. and he asked me if I wanted to go out... not to stay at the hotel and order room service. This whole thing between us is starting to feel a bit forced.

"Whatever you want. I don't mind." I say. I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable. I wanted to go out and just walk down the street, maybe eating a hot dog I don't know...

"Ok.. so let's go back," he says. We go back to the hotel... people all the wat back wouldn't stop taking photos with Shawn and looking at me in a way that made me so uncomfortable and so exposed, I thank god I'm not famous. How does he live his life?

We got back to the hotel and Fans were running after us. "Go to your room I'll be up in a sec" Shawn whispers. Without thinking twice I leave him with all the crazy fans and I go to my room. I feel bad for just leaving him out there with all those girls but honestly, I am thankful he told me to leave.

A few minutes later There is a knock on my door. I open it, knowing who it's going to be.

"Hey I forgot how is it to walk in the street with no bodyguard or without my crew..." he says walking in and taking off his sexy black leather jacket. Bodyguard? Of course, he had a bodyguard. His life is so intense.

"So How was your flight?" He asks sitting on the bed. I close the door, "it was ok... It went by very quickly... I just listened to some music..." I say blushing.

"I'm glad it was ok... what kind of music did you listen to? Did you listen to Harry Styles' new album? It's dope." I smile at him, at how supportive he is towards other people's music.

"Actually, I was listening to your new album," I say smiling sitting on the bed next to him.

He smiles back at me and I feel that tingly feeling I felt before he got here. I want to kiss him. What? No. where did that thought come from? I don't want to kiss him... sort of.

What is wrong with me? No.

"So let's order something to eat... I'm starving" I say trying to change the subject.

"Yeah me too," he says calling room service ordering some food. I didn't really hear what he ordered because all I could do is stare at him, watch how his lips move as he talked, how his hair swung every time he shook his head. He is truly amazing. Before I drool over him I decide I should stop staring at him, so I ended up going to the bathroom.

"So I wanted to talk to you about something," Shawn says as I come back out of the bathroom.

"Ok.. what is it?" I ask sitting on the bed next to him, again. " I wanted to say thank you for coming here... I know this must've been a little hard for you to come. And I know things are still a bit awkward between us since... you know. So I wanted to apologize. And tell you how deeply sorry I am for all the fucked up shit I did." He says.

Wow. I don't know why but every second with him makes me wanna jump all over him. I'm starting to fall for him again.

Again, I mentally scoff. As if I ever stopped.

I don't want that, though. There was a reason why we broke up. "Shawn it's fine. You don't have to apologize..." I say politely. Yes, he did. He did have to apologize. But he apologized before, and I already forgave him.

"Well, it doesn't matter if I have to or not. I'm really sorry for how I treated you. I want you to know that" he says.

"I know that." I stare into his eyes. "And I really appreciate it." I say. Shawn leans in but he stopped himself before I could even react.

He moves backward patting to back of his head. "I'm sorry," He says looking me in the eyes as if waiting for me to say something...