When we first met . . .

Chapter 42🥀

"You are what?" He sounds confused, shocked and angry all at once.

I slowly open my eyes, looking at him waiting for a reaction. "I'm pregnant" I whisper, tears filling my eyes. Shawn takes a step closer to me and he hugs me and he kisses me.

"I want an abortion," I say with a rush. Tears are pricking down my eyes. I'm not 100% sure if that's what I want. But I think that is going to be the right choice. I can't have a baby. I can't do this. This will ruin Shawn's life. We only met. This is just too much.

"Ok," he says. "I'm not going to fight you on this. I'm not going to be around for the next few months and of course, In a few years, I would want kids but not right now. I just want you to be happy." What a sweet angel. I hug him hard. I can't believe how blessed I was to find him.

We hear the front door trying to open, and then Alex's voice "Why is the door locked?!"

"Oh no," I say wiping my tears. "Run to the other room." We both run to the other room. And Alex and Rachel finally open the door with a key she has on her a key chain.

"Get in the bed," I say turning off the light. Before ee both climb into the bed, I pick up his clothes from the floor and throw it onto the bed. Shawn is lying closer to the wall, so they won't see him. I climb up pulling the blanket over his huge body. And hug him. We are so close to each other. The bed is so small I almost forgot.

"I don't get it" Alex walks in the room. She turns on the light and I snuggle deeper into Shawn's embrace, terrified of what's about to happen.

"Hey, can you turn off the light please, I was asleep." I wish she will just turn the lights and walk away.

"Oh... yeah sorry, one sec" she says choosing something to wear for the night and walking out. "The light" I yell.

She walks back in and she turns the light off. Thank you.

"How am I going to get out of here?" Shawn laughs softly clearly amused by the turn of events. "I have no idea," I say. Maybe he doesn't have to. Maybe he can stay the night? No. That's silly. He can't stay the night.

Rachel walks in "ok... So... Lili, why did you buy condoms?" Oh my god. Shawn is starting to laugh out of embarrassment and it's hard not to join him. "Stop it" I whisper and punching stomach lightly to make him stop. "Uh...." I don't know what to say.

"I know this is supposed to be like hot that you are sleeping with Shawn Mendes and all but please, it's so weird to think about it." She says.

"Why is that weird?" I ask not being able to hide my slightly hurt feelings. "I don't know he is just a guy that doesn't fit with a girlfriend... it's weird thinking about him making out or having sex..." she stops. "ok this conversation got weird... I'm going to go now... and why didn't he buy these? He is fucking rich... whatever I don't care. I'm going to keep them. Tell your boyfriend next time he wants to bang to go and buy his own condoms." She says.

"I'm sorry you had to hear that" I whisper not wanting anyone to hear us. "I don't care what she says," I reassure him. He just smiles at me.

"Look, I know this is a weird and hard situation to handle. But are you really ok with me having an abortion? I mean, I want to hear what you got to say before we go through something like this." I whisper.

"Hey Lili" Rachel walks back in. What now? "Did you drank my beer?" She asks. "I thought you don't like this kind..." she says.

"Yeah... sorry, I wanted to try it out." This is getting so awkward.

"Ok... fine." She says. "Oh, Lili" Alex walks in. "We saw some hot guys at the movie theater and they invited us to go over to their frat party, Want to come? You wouldn't believe what-" I stop them from counting to talk. "No. I'm tired. You go and have fun."

"Ok," Alex says and they both walk out. I think. My back is to them as I try to hide Shawn under the blanket.

'I'm sorry I drank your friends' beer" He says and I can't help but laugh at him.

"I really couldn't care less." He takes his head out and gives me a long lingering kiss. "If I wasn't here, would you go to that party?" He asks. I look at him giving him my shy smile.

"Probably not," I say honestly.

"Good. Now, what did you say before they walked in?" He asks.

"Oh, when I said I want to have an abortion, you just agreed with me. You didn't tell me how you actually feel, and your thoughts. I don't want you to just agree with me because you think this is what I want."

He sighs. "Look, I'm not sure if right now I'm fit for being a father. That's is just fucking crazy. Maybe in a few years. I'm now young and I want to do so much more. I want to continue to write music and continue performing and I don't know how it will work out with my traveling all the time. If you want to raise this baby we are moving to Canada to live next to my parents for sure" he whispers. "And what if you won't want to be with me anymore? What if you'll decide I'm not right for you? Well, now you have a child from me... that I'll definitely want to see and be part of his life."

"Do you think we should keep this baby?" I whisper. Tears are starting to fall down my face. Am I even ready to be a mother? What the fuck is happening to my life?

"I think we should go to the doctor and talk to her, about this. Hear what she got to say."

"When? You are flying the day after tomorrow and tomorrow all day you have your photoshoot. And now my dad's in town."

"Listen to me. We will get through this. I'll cancel the photoshoot tomorrow so we could go to the doctor, ok?"

"No." I shake my head. "Shawn I can go on my own. Don't cancel your photoshoot for me." I say.

"Ok." He looks me in the eyes, and all I want is to be with him, hug him, like this. "So after the doctor's appointment, you call me right away and tell me everything she says. Ok?" He sounds concerned and I love that.

"Ok." I say "and stop crying. "We are in this together." He says and he kisses me. I nod at him thanking him for everything he is doing for me.