When we first met . . .

Chapter 43🥀

"How was the test?" Maya asks me as she sees me walking to the coffee shop.

"It was ok," I say. "Did you talk to Shawn?" She asks.

"No," I ask confused. "Why would I?" She knows we aren't talking.

"I don't know. because..." I stop her "Nope. No because. There is no need for me to talk to him. I'm sorry you guys didn't get a chance to meet him or whatever.." I say. I feel so angry that they want me to get back to him. I tried to talk to him, believe me, I tried. He is just not interested anymore. So I gave up. I have to move on.

"4 large cappuccinos please with extra cream" Maya orders. "You didn't have to order for me," I say. "No it's fine," she says. I roll my eyes. she knows that's not my usual coffee order. But I really don't mind, If I'm honest. After we got all of our coffees we go back to our dorm.

"Hey, guys," Maya says.

"It is so weird seeing you here all the time." Rachel says and she walks over to take her coffee "Don't Take It Personally it's just since you moved in with us I see you ALL the time and I'm just not used to that yet." She says.

It is a bit strange that Maya lives here now. The bed to next to on the top left was empty for a while, it's weird seeing someone sleeping there.

"Yeah, it's still weird coming here and not to my old dorm. But I like having you as roommates so that's totally cool." Maya says drinking her coffee.

"How did the test go?" Alex asks me as she takes her coffee from me.

"It was ok. I studied my butt off for the last week... so I just hope I get a good grade" I answer.

My phone buzzes, I put my coffee down and take my phone out of my purse. Another 2 missed calls from Shawn.

There is no way I'm answering him. I really don't want to talk to him. After everything that happened, there is no way I'm answering his calls. He's a dick.

"Are you ok?" Maya asks. "Yeah I'm fine," I say walking my way to the bed, watching the three of my friends judging me as I walk past them. I just need a break. Maybe fly to Hawaii...

Who am I kidding I can't even afford to buy a car, let alone fly to Hawaii.

I sit on my bed. What now?

"You forgot your coffee" Rachel walks in, with my coffee.

"Thanks," I say. She climbs into the bed and she sits next to me. I take a sip.

"Can you tell me what happened with you and Shawn? I know Maya knows because she was there. But please tell us what happened." She looks shy, maybe even scared to ask me about him. "I want to be there for you. You are focusing on school too much and you look very closed off. I'm not used to seeing you like this." she says.

"I don't want to talk about it," I say wishing she would leave me alone. "I just want to be a good friend" I know that's what she wants but things are more complicated than she thinks.

"Can I be alone please?" I ask as I take another sip from my coffee. She takes a deep breath and she gets off my bed and she walks out of the room without saying a word.

Shawn is calling me again, on face time this time. I can't deal with him calling me every 5 seconds.

"What?" I snap. I feel so humiliated talking to him. But I guess I should tell him, he deserves to know what happened. I can't keep this to myself.

"Hey," he says shocked that I answered him. He should be. This is the last time I'm going to talk to him.

"I know things were weird between us since I left last week. And we didn't talk much... but I don't want us to stop talking... I know we had a fight before I left but we can get through that. I know we can" I can see on his face he is nervous. I wish I could hug him. I want to hug him so badly. But he hurt me. And I'm not sure I know what I want at the moment. With how much I want to hug him now, I also never want to speak to him ever again.

"I lost the baby," I say. I'm trying to look at him to search for his reaction. he is in complete shock. He is sitting on a couch, his black hoodie on, with the hat covering his head. I can't seem to catch his reaction so I keep going. "4 days ago" I'm about to cry. I'm trying to hold my tears in, but I know the moment he will say something I will turn into a sobbing mess.

He inhales. "What happened?" Shawn's voice is breaking and I suspected, tears are now streaming down my eyes to my cheeks. I rest my head on the wall behind me looking at him through the phone.

"About 4 days ago, I had a really sharp pain in my lower stomach and in a few minutes I started to bleed like a massive amount and I went to the hospital I was in total crazy mood" I chuckle through my tears, "Maya, one of my friends that was with me had to take me. When we got there the doctor did some tests and after a few hours she informed me I had a miscarriage." I say. My voice is breaking and I hate myself for crying in front of him.

"I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope you are feeling better now" he says.

"Shawn you really fucking hurt me. And I feel like it doesn't matter if the baby is here or not because I don't think I want to be with you again. I only answered this call to tell you that I had a miscarriage. I thought you should know. From now on we are officially done. For good. Don't call again" I say. I don't know what Shawn was about to say, I don't want to hear it. I hang up, turn off my phone and slam my head against the wall as if this will make me feel better.