When we first met . . .

Chapter 58🥀

And so it began, Everyone was raising their hands. "Yes, you in the back," he says pointing on the girl next to me. My heart stops for a second, I don't even know why.

"Ok so there are rumors you are dating someone and that you guys walked today around in the city. Is that true?" She asks. Holy shit. That's the questions people ask in here? What the fuck? Everyone giggles before he can reply and I feel my cheeks heating up real quick.

His eyes are watching me. "Well, Yes and no," he says and everyone screams. My ears... He looks away knowing that if he will keep staring it will be a tad suspicious.

"well, so yes I walked with a girl today around... we wanted to go eat lunch. Didn't work out" He chuckles and for a moment I feel bad for thinking about ditching him earlier today and going alone around the city. "But no. We are not dating. Just friends" he says not even looking a bit nervous. He looks so professional it kind of freaks my out

I raise my hand. I want to ask a question. It might sound cheesy. I really don't know if this is a good idea. Shawn looks around and when he sees my hand up he seems surprised to see my hand up. I take it down immediately changing my mind. This was stupid.  "Uh... you in the back." He says. "me?" I ask pointing on myself feeling a bit shaky and alarmed.

"Yeah, you," He says smiling. Or is it blushing?

"Um... ok. So my question is..." I say slowly trying to think about a different question when all that comes up is that stupid question I can't shake off. So, I ask it anyway.

"Do you believe in 2nd chances?" I ask. If he's surprised, he doesn't show it. "What do you mean? What like, in dating? Or with a friend...?" He asks.

"Doesn't matter. Do you believe a person deserves a 2nd chance?" 

He lets out a deep breath. "I do." Nodding slightly as everyone screams. 

"But not with just any person. There are some people who I know that deserve a 2nd chance and some that I know that don't. It really depends on the situation" he says.

I'm happy with his answer. I don't really know what possessed me to ask that. I clearly, don't deserve a 2nd chance.

After our breakup, I was pretty mean to him... I didn't answer his calls and I totally ghosted him. Well in my defense I was hurt. And angry. I forgot how sweet he was, how loving, and I know for sure, he only asked me to come here, was so he could finally get his closure and move on. I thought that's what I wanted too, but now... I don't know why I don't think I want to move on anymore. But it's too late. I pushed him away, needed my time to breathe until I had a little too much and now he moved on.

I don't think we are getting back together any time soon. I don't know how that makes me feel, relieved? Or just rejected and dull?

The rest of the questions were kind of boring and to be honest I knew the answer to most of them and before I knew it, the Q&A was over.

Shawn and the crew including me, Andrew came back to pick me up. We all go back to backstage. Shawn is getting his makeup a bit fixed and he goes to the Meet&Greet section. Wow, this is what he does every day for about 6 months? This sounds like hell.

After the Meet&Greet it was like 7:15. 15 minutes before the show starts and Alessia Cara goes on stage. Is this always like this? Alessia is the warm-up singer. She is actually super nice, I thought I will be so tense and embarrassing when I was actually at ease talking to her.

I hear the crowd roar and I couldn't help but get excited for them. Shawn needed to change again, this life is just crazy. I kept talking to the people around us feeling a lot more computable than before. Alessia went on stage, I followed Andrew so I could see her singing even just for a bit. The crowd goes crazy for her, it was really amazing seeing this from a different point of view. This is mind-blowing. When she finished singing, I walked backstage together with Andrew Shawn was already sitting next to a guy I don't know his name, with a whole new different outfit. I sit on the couch, thinking about today and how I actually had fun today. All this day was fun.

After talking for forever with people, I walk out of the room and I go drink some water outside in the cooler. It felt awkward just taking a bottle of water from the table in front of us, so I walked out, I also could use the fresh air.

I walked out letting to cool fresh air hit me, I like this kind of weather. I drank from the cooler, letting the water cool down my throat, and when I turned around to go back inside and I see Shawn standing in front of me. So close to my face. I gulped not understanding what is happening.

"What was that question about?" He asks.

"What? The 2nd chance thing? I don't know I was curious."  Shawn smiles, getting closer and closer pushing me to the wall that was behind me. He leans in, and in seconds his lips touch mine, and his tongue invading my mouth, completely taking my breath away.

He lets me go too soon. "you are the kind of people who deserve a second chance." He smiles turning around, not letting me respond before he walks back in.

I'm still pressed against the wall, panting for a few minutes later. I can't believe he kissed me. That kiss made me confused and now I just want to kiss him again. But I'm also not sure that's what I want. I'm still thinking about what I want. I don't know if I want to go to this again. I don't know if I want to be in a relationship now, I think I need some time alone.

After today, seeing his life... This is just a little too much.

I walk back after thinking about this for a moment, sitting in the backstage area with everyone Shawn was just on his phone getting his makeup fixed. Again. Alessia Cara was sitting next to him, meanwhile, I was texting Alex, Maya, and Rachel. I didn't tell them about the kiss. I couldn't. It didn't feel right to tell them. I don't know why.

Shawn is called to go on stage. He looks so young and few, excited and alive. Lost in Japan music starts and Shawn goes on stage and he starts playing the guitar and singing. I'm standing at the side of the stage, just watching him preforming, listing to his voice, he is truly amazing.