The Life Of A Gold Digger

Chapter Sixty-Four

Chapter Sixty-Four

My dearest Liam
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I just had the weirdest dream. A group of people are crying for me. I don't quite recognize their faces. But I know they are all crying, grieving. Mourning.

The only face I recognize in my dream is Erwin's face. Tears are flooding his eyes, and I can see regret,  and longingness in it. I tried to move but my whole body is paralyzed. I tried to utter any words but it seems like my tongue is tied down. I tried my hardest to scream from what feels like a nightmare. And finally I was able to open my eyes.

Ang unang taong sumalubong sa akin ay si Robert. Alalang alala ang kanyang mukha at tila ba nakahinga ng maluwag ng makita nitong gising nako.

"Darling, how are you feeling?" Marahan pa nitong hinahaplos ang kaliwang kamay ko, habang ang kanang kamay ko naman ay bahagyang nakaramdam ng pagkirot mula sa dextrose na nakakabit saakin.

Hindi ako nakasagot nang makaramdam ng matinding pagkahina at marahan lamang na tumango. There are fresh flowers on my side table. White roses. Kumunot ang noo ko. I hate white roses. Pero masyado pang mahina ang katawan ko para magreact dito. Giovanni and Gianna are also there, tahimik lamang na nakaupo ang mga ito sa likod ni Robert.

"The doctor said your recovery is very fast, Darling. You've been asleep for 36 hours." nagulat ako sa sinabi ni Robert, Ive been asleep for 1 1/2 day. That's insane.

After a few minutes, the doctor came in to check up on me. And the doctor said the operation went well, they were able to perform it with no complications at all. All we do now is wait for my recovery, and monitor my condition kung naalis na nila ang dapat maalis. I won't go over the details anymore, besides, hindi na din naman ako masyadong nakeelam. Si Robert na ang umasikaso sa lahat lahat.

After another few days of recovering inside the hospital, I can finally feel my strength back. Nakakakain nadin ako ng maayos even though may side effect ang mga pain reliever na iniinom ko. Robert, and Giovanni stayed with me during my recovery, I just hoped my Manila friends are also here. Pero wala silang kaalam alam sa whereabouts ko at sa kung anong nangyayari sa akin ngayon.

As days passed, I feel like my old self is back again. Nakakapagshopping na akong mag isa, without nurses escorting me. Nung una pa nga ay ayaw akong payagan ni Robert, but I insisted. I want to live my life. Ayokong ikulong ang sarili ko sa nakaraan at sa karamdaman ko.

Exactly 1 month after my operation, the doctor scheduled an appointment with me to discuss the results of all the lab tests.

Robert came with me to the hospital, and to my surprise, the doctor said the operation was successful, I'm free from my disease.

Mangiyak ngiyak si Robert ng marining niya ang magandang balita. While I stared blankly at the paper where the results are stated.

Hindi ko mapigilang hindi isipin ang anak ko. What my life could have been if she's alive. In the end, hindi ko nadin napigilan ang pagtulo ng mga luha ko. Alam kong ito ang sign na ibinigay ng anak ko na pwede na akong magsimula muli ng buhay ko.

And so, I started living my life again.

Nagsimula ako sa pagtravel sa buong Italy, at nang matapos ko ang buong bansa, ay saka ko naman nilibot ang buong Europe. Money is not a problem, Robert got everything taken care of.

Ang isang buong taon ay inilaan ko sa pagttravel. I even met a few friends, and well, yeah.. flings too.

"Hope, you gotta see this!" dali dali akong hinila ni Liam sa may veranda ng hotel na tinutuluyan namin. Liam is a full blooded english man born and raised in England. He's 28 and a successful businessman who runs his businesses while travelling. He has a face of every woman's dream. Pointy nose, bushy brows, and a piercing set of blue-gray eyes. He's a friend I met from my travel, and well, we also share some romantic feelings, in a way, I think.

We are currently exploring Santorini, Greece. We met in Paris, he stayed in Paris for 6 months to do both pleasure and business, I stayed there for 3 months exploring the whole city and since pareho naman ang aming next destination, we decided to just go together.

I laughed when I saw his expression habang inaayos ang dinner namin sa veranda. He ordered some wine too, and cheese to go with the wine. At sinakto pa niyang sunset. This guy can get a little cheesy sometimes.

Pinaghila niya ako ng upuan, at kumportable naman akong naupo doon, umupo din ito sa upuan sa tabi ko at sabay naming pinanood ang papalubog na araw. Its a beautiful sight, lalong lalo na at nagrereflect ito sa bughaw na tubig ng dagat. Its an amazing view shared with a wonderful gentleman beside me.

Bahagya akong hinila ni Liam papalapit sakanya, at siniil ng halik. I responded willingly to his kisses. But at the back of my mind, I can't help but see someone else's face. And I know its wrong to do so. Pero hindi ko ito mapigilan. I felt Liam's warm hands at my back, and the next thing I know he is unclasping my lacy black bra underneath my navy blue maxi dress. His kisses went from my mouth to my cheeks, and to my ear. His nibbling my earlobes at hindi ko napigilan ang pagtaas ng balahibo ko sa batok. He gently caressed my back. Unti unting lumipat ang maiinit niyang palad sa aking dibdib. And I can't help but release a soft moan. Its been a while since the last time I felt this sensation. And Liam like what he heard, and continued with what he's doing. This time with more passion and eagerness. We have never done it before though. We make out, almost all the time, pero hindi pa namin nagagawa talaga yung alam niyo na.

He wants to though, he is very vocal of his desires to make love with me, but still respects my decision not to do so. At iyon ang lalong nagpamahal sa akin sakanya. I love this guy, he's a good listener and a very fun company. I can't stop laughing whenever we are together. Pero minsan, hindi sapat ang lahat ng ito to put your relationship to the next level. And I don't think I can love that way again. He broke me. And I don't think I can be fixed.

I gasped when I felt his hand went down there. I stopped him before he can even insert his fingers inside me. Alam kong nahihirapan na siya sa sitwasyon namin ngayon. I want to give this to him, pero for some reasons something inside me kept on stopping me to do so.

"I'm so sorry, Babe... I just can't..." nanghihina kong paghingi ng tawad sakanya. I cannot keep him this way. Magiging unfair ako sakanya kung ganito nalang palagi ang mangyayari sa amin. "I can't keep you like this. You are young, and successful. I'm sure someone out there is willing to give their all to you." I sobbed. I love Liam, dearly, but my love for him is not enough to keep him in my life.

Nakita ko ang pagdilim ng mukha nito. "It's not for you to decide who I want to be with, Hope." nagulat ako sa pagtaas ng boses nito. He walked out of my room, at pabagsak na isinara ang pinto. Galit na galit siya ng gabing iyon, at hindi na ito muling bumalik pa sa hotel room ko.

I ordered breakfast and had it delivered on his room the next day, I also asked the room service to include my note to him. I don't want to be unfair with him anymore. Alam kong hindi ko maibibigay ng buo ang sarili ko sakanya because I'm partially dead. How can I give him something I no longer have. He deserves the world, because he is a wonderful guy.

My dearest Liam,

Thank you for the wonderful 4 months of being with you. You are one of the best man I have ever met in my life.

I love you, dearly. And I will cherish our memories together forever. Always remember that what we had is real. The problem is not with you, you are a wonderful person. Its just that I am too broken. And I don't think I can still be fixed.

I hope you find your best match, very soon. I'll be leaving for Italy today. Enjoy the rest of your trip!

Ti amo, Addio...

-Hope

I planted a soft kiss on my note that left a faint red lipstick stain on the paper. After I asked the room service to take my note, I took all my bags and left, headed for the airport and went back to Italy.

Tapos na ang panahong inilaan ko sa pagttravel. Its time to get serious and start building my career. Who knows, baka tuluyan akong makalimot kapag nilibang ko ang sarili ko sa trabaho.

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Thoughts? Comment naman po kng may nagbabasa pa. Tuloy pb ntn? hehe.

-Ja