Not over you

I cant do this(chapter 29)

The break came and past and me and Lauren were doing pretty good, she's really nervous about going into school with me telling people we're dating, we arnt official or anything just dating.

"Are you nervous?"she asked me getting out of the car in the school lot I nodded taking a deep breath as she frowned "why?"she asked i looked down embarrassed until her finger and thumb yanked my chin up to look at her "why?"she whispered not taking her eyes from mine "Sarah"i breathed out and Lauren stood straight frowning.

"I told you Camila she isn't going to touch you okay?"she asked I nodded warily "anyway enough about that it's your big day"i smiled at her and she looked at me nervous "our big day"she told me reaching for my hand and interlocking our fingers.

We walked into school getting quite a few stares and whispers Lauren kept squeezing my Hand as reassurance. getting to my locker I dropped Lauren's hand to get my book out.

"Hey fagbello"i heard behind me I screwed my eyes right shut shit, I turned to my left were Lauren was and she was now gone fuck!, I turned to see a smirking Sarah who had obviously recovered from her beating via Lauren.

"I see you didn't take after daddy after all"she laughed "weres your girlfriend?"she laughed as I frowned "perrie the fucking hero"sarah scoffed,

"I'm here and I'm not her girlfriend"i turned to see perrie jade and ally oh thank god. I sighed in relief. "oh what happened even the gayest people wouldn't want"she stopped herself to step back and look me up and down "that"she laughed.

I stood up straight tired of her bullshit "what the fuck is your problem?!" I shouted obviously taking her by surprise never mine my friends.

"Tut tut fagbello that's no way to talk to me"she smirked "is that the way daddy talked to you?"she raised her eyebrows my blood started to boil

"Was daddy a drinker?"she asked smirking I fisted my fist up, "did he beat you to a pulp because your a fag?"she laughed just to be tackled to the ground by me.

After a few scratches, screams, squeals and a few moments of rolling over each other in the middle of the hall way, I felt arms come around my waist and lift me of I tried to jump at her again the anger and adrenaline running threw me,

"Shh camz calm down babe"i heard Lauren whispered. Into my ear nuzzling her head into the back of my neck and all of a sudden all the anger was out of my body.

I turned to see her smirking "I leave you for two minutes"she laughed I frowned "it isn't funny you weren't there lo"i scowled she suddenly looked serious "I'm sorry camz I had to go to my locker"she told me.

"Oh holy fuck she's turn Lauren into a queer"i heard behind me I turned to see a wide eyed Sarah, the whole hall way full of students watching,whispering, judging I felt Lauren stiffing up.

"So what have you went all lesbian on us laur"sarah laughed "Camilas my girlfriend have any of you got a problem"i heard Lauren shout at the people looking and she obviously scared them and intimidated them because they all went of in different directions,

Leaving me Lauren Sarah and my friends I'm the Hall way.

"They didn't seem to have a problem so basically your the only problem"lauren told Sarah glaring at her, Sarah scoffed

"Please Lauren your going to be with this fag for a week then drop her fat ass as soon as mommy comes home"she laughed. just to be pushed against the locker.

"I thought I made myself clear the last time we were in these halls you aren't to say nasty disgusting things to or about camila" Lauren hissed at her.

I grabbed Lauren's arm "lo"i whispered making her look at me she frowned taking a deep breathe and stepping back "woah she's got you whipped jauregui"Sarah smirked

"You know all your friends won't want to talk to you again Ryan won't look at you again I'm your new enemy youv stuck with the losers"sarah laughed. "Bye bye lauren"sarah laughed walking down the now empty halls.

Lauren dropped my hand staring at me "hey mila we'll leave you too it see you at lunch"ally told me as they walked away.

"I can't so this camz"lauren whispered making my head whip round to her my eyes starting to water "what!"i gaped "I cant"she shook her head, I tried to grab her hand she just pulled it back "I'm sorry camz I cant"she whispered tears falling from her eyes.

Letting the tears fall from my eyes Lauren walked away with no care in the world whipping her eyes whilst I slid my back down my locker crying my eyes out,

Luckily that morning I didn't have English Iv been trying to avoid Lauren and maybe she's been trying to do the same. was I really that stupid to think she could actually want me.

Sitting down at the lunch table with the girls they all looked at me questioning "whats wrong mila?"perrie asked "lauren didn't even try when you guys left this morning she ended it"i whispered holding back tears.

"Maybe that's a good thing"perrie replied I just stared at her "how the hell is that a good thing"i snapped "woah chill mila all I'm saying is lauren isn't the same 12 year old you knew she's way bitchier way snobbier and a lot straighter"perrie told me

"You know fuck all about lauren" I snapped "and you do?"she asked "youv been back a month Camila just get over your little school girl crush"perrie hissed

"Perrie"jade growled "just telling her what's what"she mumbled "youv never liked Lauren"i told her "you never gave her a fucking chance so don't come to me and tell me I don't know her"i snapped standing up.

Perrie stood up opposite me "you need to grow up Camila look around Lauren is back at her table with her boyfriend and bitchy friends and you are sitting her with two queers and ally no offence ally"perrie said "none taking"i heard ally's at quietly

"She doesn't care about you camila" perrie whispered "fuck you"i spat walking out.

Considering Lauren had the car keys I had to walk back to Lauren's house which wasn't that far.

After about twenty minutes I got into the house and went straight to my room stripping all my clothes and grabbing my blades. walking into the bathroom I felt as if I couldn't breath I was dizzy anger depressed.

Turning the shower on and stepping in I got right to it slicing up and down my arms like there was no tomorrow crying until i ran out of tears. stepping out of the shower and looking at myself in the shower barley recognised myself.

I had bags unders my eyes my collar bone was sticking why out there were cuts and scars nearly over all my arm I was a wreck that's about to be sunk.

I grabbed all my anti-depressants and threw them onto the bed getting changed into sweats and an over sized hoody I ran down the stairs and into the liquor cabinet hoping Lauren hadn't drank it all.

It was still full but the door of the cabinet was locked. so I took a pan from the shelf and smashed threw the glass taking the bottle of vodka and making my way up stairs.