Not over you

Hospital(chapter32)

*Beep* *Beep* *Beep*

There's this buzzing in my head and it's so annoying I opened my eyes to screw them shut again "fuck"i mumbled the light nearly blinded me.

Opening my eyes slower this time letting my eyes adjust to the light I sat slowing in the bed I looked around a seen a hospital room four white walls aload of monitors.

I seen perrie and jade cuddled in the corner of the rather large couch only perrie was crying into jades shoulder. ally was listen to her headphones.

And Lauren was asleep in the chair beside me. and all of a sudden it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I tried to kill myself they must have found me that's why I'm in hospital shit! even I have to fuck suicide up. I moaned at the hurting in my head. and it must of caught jades attention cause she looked up wide eyed at me.

"Perrie"she shrugged her of her shoulder "Milas awake"she told her and perries head whipped round to me and our eyes connected the sorrow and relief all mixed into her eyes was obvious. she jumped up and sat in the chair on the other side of me as Lauren's occupied the other.

She grabbed my hand looking at me crying and I frowned "Camila I'm so sorry"she whispered "what sorry for what?"i asked "the argument I shouldn't have said that stuff I'm so so sorry"she cried.

"Pez it's fine"i tried to reassure her "it's fine really I said all that disgusting stuff and your lying here how's that fine"she seemed angry

"Perrie calm down"jade told her "hi mila"jade whispered "hey"i smiled "oh my god camila"i heard ally shout she ran to me and embraced me in a hug I felt tears running down my neck when she pulled back I laughed cause her mascara had run.

I whipped her tears away with my thumb "don't cry allycat"i mumbled "don't cry seriously mila"she smacked me on the shoulder "I'm sorry" I mumbled

"No we are we've been lousy friends we're sorry"ally told me and I frowned "what no you Havnt youv been the bestfriends I could have ever asked for seriously you guys are always there it's just this time I didn't feel like help could well help"i told them honestly.

"Lauren's been here the whole time she's not left this hospital once"jade told me "how long have I been here for"i asked "once you came in you were in a pretty bad way the doctors had to pump the tablets out of your system and that left you in sort of a coma state"perrie told me

"Youv been in here for 6 days"ally added and I turned to look at Lauren she's gotten bags under her eyes and they were red and swollen from crying, I felt angry and I didn't know why.

"Why is she here"i asked them and they all looked confused "after our argument she came over to ask what had happened and then asked us to help her look for you"perrie told me,

"We couldn't find you at school so we drove by Lauren's and I'd went in and found her with you she was in such a state"she added.

"But why is she here"i asked and perrie frowned "because she loves you"she told me, I let out a bitter laugh and lay my head on the pillow.

"Perrie even you told me yourself that she doesn't care about me if she'd loved me she wouldn't have left me in the hall way she didn't even try, ten minutes it took her to break"i closed my eyes.

"That isn't true she loves you mila"ally told me

"She doesn't I know she doesn't and so do you guys perries right I just need to grow up and get over this stupid school girl crush"i told them looking at them all.

"Yeah well after that stunt you might have not have grown up"perrie told me pissed "what were you thinking we all love you your so much your so special to us"ally told me.

"I said I'm sorry I'm not saying it again"i told them

"Is my mom here?"i asked looking at them hopefully but they just looked at each other and shook their heads "we're sorry mila"jade told me

"It's fine I wasn't expecting her to be heck I wasn't expecting to wake up at all"i smiled which seemed to piss them off "too soon"i dropped my smile.

"That's not cool mila"perrie told me standing up and storming out.

"I'll go get her sorry"jade told me quietly following perrie out.

"Hey I bet your hungry I'll go get you something to eat"ally smiled "ally you don't have to"i told her my stomach turning at the thought

"It's fine mila I want to"she smiled walking out.

I sighed closing my eyes leaning back "you know I have ears"i jumped as Lauren spoke.

"Are you trying to make me have a heart attack"i hissed

"I can't believe you don't think I love you"she told me changing the subject I groaned "can we not"i asked.

"Camz I love you with every inch of me"she told me I snapped my eyes opened looking at her "if you loved me you wouldn't have walked away and left me broken in the hall way without even trying lauren"i snapped my voice cracking at the end.

"I know I shouldn't have done that camz I just I couldn't do it but I know now how much I have in my life and how much it would break me to lose you"she told me standing up and pacing around the hospital room.

"You gotta understand camz i have only come to terms with me being gay I couldn't do it I know that sounds cowardly but I couldn't but now? now I see if I don't man up I'm going to lose you and this very stupid stunt has made me realise how much I value you and how much i need you I can't lose you camz I love you"she told me never breaking eye contact.

"The thing is I do understand I'm gay lauren I had to Come out my friends left me in New Zealand I had no one I got bullied every single day and my mom that's when we separated she accepted me but it doesn't me she thinks it's okay this big mistake wasn't a mistake I wanted to be dead and FYI you cant lose what you don't have"i spat

"Camz" she started "my names Camila" I cut in woah day-sha-thou from that day in English.

I looked at her and she looked broken

"Camila please try and understand I love you and I'm so sorry for all the fucked up shit Iv done I love you"she told me

"I don't want you here"i told her breaking eye contact and she let a gasp of air out "Camila please"she begged.i just ignored her,

"Okay you think I don't love you but Camila I haven't left your side for nearly a week I won't leave you by yourself with a doctor I never left your side when the paramedics showed up, school I stand by you no matter what even if you don't see it at home Iv cried myself to sleep thinking about you cutting yourself under the same roof as me" she told me crying.

"Iv been trying to help you with you cutting depression and eating disorder but you won't let me in I Broke up with Ryan for messing with you when we hug and I don't want to let go when you touch me or hold my hand my skin starts tingling Camila I love you so fucking much why can't you get that" she told me tears streaming down her face. just as the girls walked in.

"Because Lauren you left me"i whispered I looked at the girls who looked confused "will you get her to leave"i asked them "Camila"i heard Lauren say, "just leave Lauren"i told her she whipped her eyes with the back of her hands.

"Fine I'm going but camz just know I do love you"she told me turning on her heel and walking out of the room past the girls

"You okay?"jade asked I smiled and just nodded even tho inside I was breaking more than I have